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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24828283">If It's True</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skatinggirl2011/pseuds/ohmypawsandwhiskers'>ohmypawsandwhiskers (Skatinggirl2011)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Gathering Storm [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Any other warnings relating to treatment under slavery, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Death, Childhood Trauma, Elvhenan, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fiesty OC putting the Egg in his place, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Rebellion, Slavery, Slight AU for what hasn't been mentioned in Codex entries, Slow Burn, Threats of Violence, Trauma, pre-Veil, world building</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:13:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24828283</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skatinggirl2011/pseuds/ohmypawsandwhiskers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Before the veil was erected, the Elvhenan empire was a sight to behold, with towering cities of crystal and gold, plenty of resources to go around, and Elves and Spirits lived in harmony. But there was a dark underbelly rarely acknowledged- at least until Solas encounters a woman who changes his views of his beloved people and puts him on the path to ending the tyranny of the Evanuris.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fen'Harel | Solas/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Gathering Storm [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>Thanks for taking the time to check this out! I've been playing around with writing this and posting it for a while, and I'm now getting around to doing it thanks to reddit prompts! I have a lot of it mapped out, and this will be the first part of two or three stories, if all goes as planned. </p>
<p>I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Gather around children for a tale from the Old World. Before the fall of Arlathan. Before the sly Fen’Harel tricked the Gods into banishment. When we were kings and queens of towering, great cities, filled with magic, the likes of which we can only dream about today. When our Gods heard our prayers and answered, for they walked among us. Wine and riches flowed, and we were free to live in opulence without fear of invasion- for we knew the Gods would protect us. A time when we were the greatest scholars, warriors, mages, and hunters.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It is a tale of rebellion, of sacrifice, of trickery, and of love. Now, you can’t let anyone know I’m telling you this story, for it goes against what we know of our Gods- most of all, Fen’Harel. You can get Teller Taralani in a lot of trouble if Keeper Deshana gets word I’m sharing this story.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Our tale begins in the palace of Dirthamen, Keeper of Secrets. Some say Dirthamen had the best libraries of all the Evanuris. With the help of the Spirit, Study, he had one of the greatest collections of tomes, containing the secrets and histories that all the scholars in Elvhenan sough entrance to the eluvian that housed such knowledge. What wasn’t housed in the tomes could be found on the mosaics and murals that decorated the great library, telling stories of long-forgetten battles that would have fallen into obscurity were it not for the Keeper of Secrets. While many flocked to the palace of Dirthamen, however, few were granted admittance for the price of knowledge or secrets deemed worthy by the great Dirthamen himself.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Now, it’s said that Fen’Harel was one of the few allowed to study, for he was one with the knowledge Dirthamen wished to possess.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Our tale begins as Fen’Harel arrives on a sunny spring day with the intent to study, when he happens upon a part of the palace he’d yet to discover.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>…………………</em>
</p>
<p>The palace of Dirthamen was a place most could only dream of, and Solas had to give credit to the Keeper of knowledge and secrets: where most of the other Evanuris focused on decorating their own palaces with symbols that concerned their own areas of expertise, Dirthamen saw the interconnection of it all. His palace was a labor of love, paying homage to the arts and sciences. For the ego and pride of that man, he was still able to decorate his abode with beautiful frescoes, murals, and statues- not of himself and his great deeds, like so many of the others did- but of the entire history of Elvhenan.</p>
<p>The palace itself was built like a labyrinth, with each winding path traversing the grounds to different rooms and alcoves, meant to inspire curiosity and awe, all while challenging the mind; so, every time Solas visited, he would deliberately take a new path to the eluvian, just to admire the work put forth into the palace before having to put up with Dirthamen driveling on about idle gossip before granting Solas access to his collection.</p>
<p>The path he took this time around brought him through the gardens. Through hedges, immaculately trimmed and shaped as the animals revered by their people. Through rows of flowers of all colors and species, and finally to the rings of trees, bearing ripe fruit, that circled a great oak tree that towered over the entire garden.</p>
<p>He settled himself beneath that great oak, having plucked an apple from one of the many trees that surrounded the sturdy reminder of the passage of time. Bringing out the sketchbook he always carried with him, he set out to sketch the scene of tranquility that stretched out before him when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>“Don’t think I didn’t see you take an apple,” came the raspy, lyrical voice. The bright spring sun obscured the woman’s face but painted the tight ringlets that flowed freely with the wind in gold. A basket dangled from her arm, filled with an assortment of flowers. In the other hand was half of a pomegranate. “This garden does belong to someone, y’know.”</p>
<p>“And yet you partake as well,” Solas countered, only to be met with a laugh, causing him to bristle slightly.</p>
<p>“Yes, but unlike you,” she stepped into the shade offered by the tree, “I have permission from Dirthamen.”</p>
<p>He was able to see her face clearly now, bronzed from years in the sun; both freckles and dirt peppered her nose and cheekbones. The smile she wore, accented with dimples, reached her amber eyes, which radiated warmth unlike any he’d seen on these grounds. Her hair, brown, but sun kissed, was pulled over to one side, tamed only by a single pin to cascade over her shoulders.</p>
<p>Before he had a chance to respond, she offered her reassurances, “You need not worry, I won’t say a word. I merely wished to offer you this-“ the stranger pulled a pomegranate out from the pocket of her velvety green dress, “these taste better than apples at this time of the year.”</p>
<p>He took it, going to thank her but found she had already left to tend to the rest of the garden, kneeling to sow seeds, paying no mind to the intruder as though she hadn’t just risked her gardening privileges for a stranger. As though the pomegranate he now held in his had was nothing more than the soil she was displacing to make way for something greater than the ecosystem it already housed.</p>
<p>The gesture intrigued him, more so than anything. Here was this woman- a servant of Dirthamen, as evidenced by the vallaslin- freely handing out the fruit as though she owned the very garden in which he sat; the nerve of which he had yet to see any servant possess, let alone seemingly brush off as though it were nothing.</p>
<p>"Are you in any position to give away that which belongs to Dirthamen?"</p>
<p>The words fell from his lips, despite his better judgement- having wished to continue to speak with her, despite being entirely sure of how to do so. For all of his education and knowledge of their world; for all of his experience in dealing with the intricacies of interpersonal relationships, as part of Mythal’s envoy; in this moment, he found himself entirely unsure of how to proceed, but as the words left his mouth, he was certain he had made an error.</p>
<p>If she took any offence, however, her body language failed to reflect it, even if he could not see her facial expression. As he received for a moment was a laugh carried by the wind.</p>
<p>“As a guest of Dirthamen, are you in any position to question that which is given to you?”</p>
<p>It was a surprisingly diplomatic answer for a person at her stature- polite enough on the surface, but it carried with it the vitriol she must’ve felt at having been reminded of her place. “Surely a man held to such esteem would know better. I would hope Mythal keeps company with those that know better.”</p>
<p>Solas’s initial feeling was correct. He had insulted her, though she was seemingly unworried about exchanging barbs. What unnerved him wasn’t her quick tongue, which would wound anyone’s pride having come from a servant, but rather that she seemed to know who he was and he hadn’t a clue as to her identity- only that she belonged to Dirthamen.</p>
<p>He supposed it only fair. He shouldn’t have expected anything less from those here. They had the knowledge of the world at their fingertips, and this woman, as beautiful as she was proud, clearly held some position of importance to the Keeper- even if she was property.</p>
<p>So he chose his next words carefully. Whether it was out of the desire to preserve his standing or so as not to offend her sensibilities- he wasn’t sure, but it hardly mattered at this point, for apologies were in order, and while he would never utter a straightforward one, he’d do enough to take the sting out of his words without admitting fault.</p>
<p>“It is not every day someone acts solely for kindness’s sake, particularly here. I was not expecting to find such a trait here.”</p>
<p>“All apologies are antivenom, but yours is woefully ineffective, I’m afraid.” The woman stood back up, dusting work-worn hands off on her dress, without regard of the fabric’s cleanly state, before she met his gaze once more. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have other matters to attend to,” she gave him a polite smile, one stained with the deep pink from the juices of the pomegranate, and a shallow bow, almost as if to mock him, before waltzing away, humming a long forgotten tune and leaving Solas to wallow in what he could only assume was guilt tugging in the pit of his stomach.</p>
<p>Looking down at the pomegranate half, Solas regarded the conversation with a sense of whiplash. In the guts of a minute, the warmth with which she radiated was extinguished, freezing over like the mountaintops in the south of the country. He could hardly blame her, given that he had thrown her status back in her face and made several assumptions.</p>
<p>Picking out a few of the jewels of fruit from the half, he popped them, one by one, into his mouth. Sure enough, the woman was right. The burst of flavour from the bleeding fruit was more developed than the apple. A small smile stretched across his lips as he leaned back and enjoyed the rest of the fruit before continuing to the library.<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>Dirthamen sat in his study, the eluvian glittering enticingly behind him. Solas entered and bowed deeply to the Keeper himself, his blue eyes already dancing with excitement, as they always did when he knew knowledge was within his grasp.</p>
<p>“Solas! Back again, I see,” Dirthamen said, chuckling as he rose to his feet to greet the younger elf. “I was wondering when you’d pay us a visit. Where have you been? It is unlike you to stay away for long. How is Mythal?”</p>
<p>The mask Solas wore was one of the Game. Polite pleasantries, a half smile to hide the annoyance he felt. He enjoyed the Game, excelling in almost every aspect of it, through his own desire to be its best player. It was how he rose through the ranks as quickly as he did. A little manipulation, a little blackmail- it required a keen eye and a quick wit, both of which he had in spades.</p>
<p>So, when Dirthamen attempted to tease out information, Solas knew better than to reveal the full picture.</p>
<p>“Mythal is well. She is currently mediating the situation between Anaris and Elgar’nan. It is going about as well as could be expected, given their egos.”</p>
<p>“Ah yes. I had heard about the mounting feud between those two. Tell me, what are the developments there? You paid a visit to Anaris recently enough, did you not? What was that like?” Dirthamen sat down in the plush velvety chair situated behind the mahogany desk, ornately decorated with carvings of the war between the Elvhen and the Titans. It was a new addition, gifted from the Patron of Crafts, no doubt. “I’m afraid to say the information I’ve collected on that subject leaves much to be desired.”</p>
<p>Again, the man opposite Solas attempted to extract more than Solas was at liberty to tell, but he had expected as much and came prepared.</p>
<p>“I figured you would desire such information, so I took the liberty of writing about my travels to gift to you.” Solas reached into his leather satchel and pulled out a hardbound copy of his notes, first having to be approved by Mythal so as not to compromise all they were working for. “To summarize, Anaris’s kingdom is a bleak one, where the sun rarely breaks through the dust cloud that looms over his kingdom. He is working his slaves to the bone and runs a tight ship, so to say,” Solas paused as he placed the tome, decorated with gold leaf, on the desk for his perusal. “Of interest to you, I’d believe, is Anaris’s newfound ability to transform into a dragon.”</p>
<p>Solas watched as the man, twice his age, lit up like a child presented with secrets from the far east.</p>
<p>“A dragon?” Dark eyebrows framing a darker face practically reached the man’s hair line as he leaned forward in interest. “Surely that’s not possible…”</p>
<p>And here was his ticket into the eluvian, as he had expected.</p>
<p>“Ah, but it is. I would’ve hardly believed it myself had I not been there to witness it. I hope to be able to explain its machinations, but I’m afraid that without access to your library, I would lack the resources required for such an endeavor.”</p>
<p>Hands, still stained from the juice of the pomegranate, clasped behind his back as he watched Dirthamen practically drool as he palmed through the tome before him.</p>
<p>With a flippant wave of the hand, Dirthamen nodded, still unable to tear his eyes from the tome. “Yes, yes, of course. Seek Study out. She will help you in your search. Now leave me be.”</p>
<p>And with that, Solas stepped through the eluvian, knowing he’d bought himself access to the vast resources of the hoarder of knowledge for the foreseeable future.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for the responses and kudos! It means a lot to me!</p>
<p>The plan for this fic is that it will be updated weekly with a new chapter! I have a general outline for where this is going, and I have the time to write now!</p>
<p>To preface before continuing with the story, a lot of this is based off of headcanons that developed from existing lore. Since there's not too much information on what society was like pre-veil, I hope to fill those gaps out, especially as we await another game. I hope you enjoy, and if you ever want to discuss theories, shoot me a message!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Next, we summon to the arena the Champion of Dirthamen, Nehna.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Thunderous applause reverberated throughout the Colosseum, filled with the best and brightest of Elvhenan that flocked to Arlathan to witness a battle using nothing but brute force as a way of celebrating the turning of the seasons. It was a time for the rulers of Elvhenan to come together and determine which kingdom was the strongest. This was done through a series of different challenges, and served as reminder and tribute to all the kingdoms had accomplished.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas never cared much for the rounds of fighting. He much preferred displays of the arts and sciences to physical prowess. Still, his presence was required as part of Mythal’s envoy. Lucky enough, for his own sanity, there were plenty of imbibements to indulge in to speed up the time- or at least make it more enjoyable.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He poured wine for his cohorts and himself, his eyes fell upon the woman entering the arena, and recognition struck him. The woman from the garden. So, this is how she gained favor with Dirthamen. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>This certainly is an interesting turn of events</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ He thought with a sly smile, having several questions answered in a single instance. What he had previously expected to be an event he would drink to forget, he now found to be worthy of his attention. At last, there was some insight as to who the woman in the green dress was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Nehna, daughter of Lanaya, former Champion of Dirthamen, will be fighting one who needs no introduction: the Champion of Elgar’nan, Mihris! Coming in as a favorite slated to win this match-up.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cheers that threatened to bring down the very stadium itself rang out as the crowd sprung to their feet. Solas kept his eyes on Nehna as he took his seat between Mythal and Felassan. Despite the odds, the woman called Nehna appeared unfazed by the welcome her opponent received. Instead, she smirked and feigned a yawn as she tossed her sword to the side and unsheathed two daggers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Valor stood between the fighters, going over the rules of the game to the two Champions, who had locked eyes. Before Valor even finished, Mihris launched himself at Nehna, blade and shield drawn and ready to strike its intended target, only to hit air. Solas stifled laughter at the look of shock that appeared on his face as Nehna easily evaded the attack, countering with a flurry of blades that he barely managed to escape unscathed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once more, he charged and received the same result: blade hitting air as she side-stepped. This time, the counter came faster, opening with a swift kick to the leg before swiping one of the daggers across the man’s cheek. Solas’s smirk grew to a smile as he took a sip from his chalice. She was toying with her opponent, getting him more and more frustrated with each missed attempt. It was a brilliant stratagem for someone more focused on the physical.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mihris’s movements became more frantic as anger got the better of him. Nehna’s movements seemed graceful, playful even, as she parried each hit and returned each blow with two or three of her own, marking up the man like a predator playing with its prey. As though this were a sparring session and not a fight to the death, should the crowd decide it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What gave her such confidence? He leaned forward, shrugging off a comment from Felassan about his sudden interest in the Game.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The arena fell silent as they all watched in interest as the woman made quick work of her opponent, only to stumble and fall to the ground, leaving an opening for Mihris. He zeroed in and raised his blade, about to strike the final blow until she all but disappeared and reappeared holding a knife to his throat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yield,” came the smoky voice with which he was familiar. How had she managed to move so quickly? It was almost as if the air had carried her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mihris spun around and tried to land the finishing blow, only to have his momentum used against him. Nehna flipped him onto his back, disarming him and holding his blade pointed at his heart. “I don’t want to kill you. Yield.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd, and even Solas himself, waited with bated breath for the warrior’s decision. </span>
  <span>With one last exertion of effort, Mihris tried to sweep Nehna off balance, and it was over. She had easily jumped over the leg sweep and drove the blade straight through his chest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was a pregnant pause as the entire stadium registered what had just occurred- that the reigning winner was bested and killed, all because of his pride- before erupting into cheers for Dirthamen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas looked on as Nehna knelt beside the corpse, mumbling something under her breath as she took his limp hand and bent her forehead down to it, as if to ask for its forgiveness. She remained there until the stadium began to empty, its occupants moving to enjoy the party that would be thrown in Dirthamen’s honor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t believe she did it!” came Felassan’s voice, pulling Solas’s attention away from the mourning Champion to his drunken companion. “Did you see that? I mean, it was beautiful to watch. How did she move so fluidly? I’ve never seen anything like that!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The clap he received on the back made Solas spill what remained of the wine onto the marble flooring. He returned his friend’s smile as he rose to his feet. “It certainly was something.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s go! The party’s sure to continue after that!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You go on ahead, my friend, I’ll catch up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His companion was already out the door before Solas could finish his sentence, and while he would usually be fast behind him to join the festivities, he instead chose to go down to the arena entrance, where Valor assisted the other elves, wearing Elgar’nan’s vallaslin, in removing the large, limp body of the former champion.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas summoned over Valor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, what is it?” the Spirit asked, arms crossed in front of its ephemeral body.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you mind if I walk the battlefield? There is something I wish to examine.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a wave of the hand, the Spirit agreed to his request and dismissed him, eager to get back to preparing the body for burial honors.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The blades of grass remained silent and still as Solas walked out onto the field. Where it once blew like waves during the battle, it was quiet, leaving only the souls of those who had passed to tell their stories, though they would pay no mind to Solas, nor him to them. He was there on a singular mission.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He arrived in front of the bloodied spot and knelt to examine it, looking for any signs that would confirm his suspicion. It was slight, but it was there. The telltale shimmer of a fold in the fade. Magic </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>was used here. A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips- it explained her hesitancy to kill him. It was hardly a fair fight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The exact moment when the blade should’ve pierced her armor, she used the wind to quicken her movements.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You knew she used magic and didn’t stop the fight?” Solas asked, feeling Valor’s presence manifest beside him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It was the only instance she called upon the fade. Her opponent failed to adhere to proper protocol and attempted to attack before the fight commenced. I figured it only fair to allow one instance on her end.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, she only used a slight amount of magic- the rest was a testament to her own skill. The pieces began to come together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>******************************************************************************************************</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve been a wild rover for many’s a year/ and I’ve spent all me money on whiskey and beer</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” The chorus of drunken slaves and servants began singing another song as Nehna stumbled around the circle that had gathered in a courtyard away from the main festivities, refilling everyone’s cup with wine. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As was customary after a festival fight, the slaves and servants of the winning side were granted a night off to celebrate with their Champion. It was one of the few moments of happiness they enjoyed, not having to worry about repercussions or status. They had to remain away from the festival attendees, save for Nehna, who was obligated to float between the two groups after such a skillful win. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After spending a few hours on the other side, putting on a fake smile to please high society and not make a scene, she was relieved to be back in the company of her friends, who celebrated not only the fact they got a moment’s reprieve, but that their friend emerged from battle victorious. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once ensuring everyone’s cup was full, Nehna sat down at the edge of the fountain beside Selhen, one of the older elves, smiling and joining in on the drinking song, despite the exhaustion that weighed on her soul. It was never easy, fighting against another person that was enslaved- having no choice or say in the matter or who died. They lost another brother tonight, but they celebrated anyway for this very reason: it was only a matter of time before their fate was the same. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna took a large sip from her cup to erase the look of fear on Mihris’s face that morphed into a blank stare in a matter of moments. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She would put on a brave face. She would drink and celebrate until she forgot about their problems for a moment. Forget about the resistance group and their goals. Forget about the fact her life was not her own. The others had already reached that state, and she needed to catch up. Nehna downed the rest of her wine before pouring herself another drink. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>And it’s no, nay, never/ no, nay, never no more/ Will I play the wild rover no more!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The song continued; its steady beat drawing Nehna out of her head and back to the joyful celebration. Selhen, sensing this, wrapped a supportive arm around her shoulders and offered a sympathetic smile. It was her lifeline. She smiled back and rested her head on the old man’s shoulder, happy to watch the festivities from there. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What troubles you, da’len?” he asked, his deep voice soothing her soul almost immediately. “It is a joyous day. You still live!”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna offered him a sad smile. “I’m not a child anymore, Selhen, though I sometimes wish that were the case still.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You will always be a child to me. Now, what is on your mind?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing, hahren. It’s just been a long day. I needed a moment to rest before I celebrate some more.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He gave her a knowing look but decided not to press the issue further. Instead, he raised his cup to hers with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>clink</span>
  </em>
  <span> before they both downed the wine.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drunken singing came to a lull as the crowd turned their attention to Nehna to lead them in the next song of celebration. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once more, she put on her mask of happiness and ease as she rose to her feet, but not before refilling her cup to have the strength to begin another round of singing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She started the upbeat song- one about the victory at an ancient battle that began out of rebellion. Not before long, everyone had joined in, dancing and twirling each other around, not caring about the wine that spilled out of their own cups onto the ground. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna got up onto the ledge of the fountain and continued to lead the call and response, letting the giddiness of the wine carry her away, as she stomped out the beat and danced along with her friends. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the song died down, she caught the eye of Solas, who had managed to sneak into the celebration as he leaned against one of the pillars, watching on with a smirk. His long, dark hair was braided back this time but slightly dishevelled. He was no doubt enjoying the night. The momentary happiness she felt was quickly replaced with bubbling rage. How dare he come down to</span>
  <em>
    <span> their </span>
  </em>
  <span>celebration after insulting her, and therefore the rest of them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna stepped down and nominated the next person to lead the rounds as she excused herself for a moment. Then, she made a beeline for Solas, who moved behind the pillar so as not to be seen by the others. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look who’s decided to come down from his pedestal to grace us lowly people with his presence!” Nehna cooed, mimicking the strut she had seen so many of the free elves do before bowing deeply in mock reverence. “Shall I fetch you some wine, seeing as that’s what us slaves do- or perhaps I should lie down over a puddle so that your precious feet don’t get wet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As she raised from the bow, she was greeted with the same bemused smirk as before. Rather than take the bait Nehna left out, he seemingly ignored it, making her even more frustrated.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I merely wished to congratulate you on your victory today. You put on quite a show.” Solas leaned against the pillar once more as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Is that not allowed?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna scoffed and took a sip of her drink. “Great, thanks. You can go now. Heavens forbid you be seen with the likes of us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She turned to leave, but stopped in her tracks when he called after her. “I just have one question for you, Nehna.”</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sighing, she turned on her heel and marched back over to him. “Oh?” She mimicked his position. “And what might that be?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That moment on the battlefield, where you were cornered by Mihris- how did you move so quickly? It was almost as if by magic, but that can’t be right. Slaves are cut off from their magic, are they not?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The cutting stare she received let her know it wasn’t a question, but she would rather eat her own left boot than give him a straight answer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What, I can’t be skilled enough to evade a blow?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You do possess that skill. That was evident, but this was different. You moved faster, as if you were carried by air.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You do realize that the tempos of fighting vary? One needs to be able to adapt and stay unpredictable in order to come out victorious. Though, I’d wager you’ve never witnessed battles first hand, so I suppose you wouldn’t know that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She matched his smirk, this time in defiance. Nehna refused to play his game, knowing that he’d go on to imply she wasn’t a slave in order to soothe his ego from their last encounter. She’d seen it before, and this time was no different. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“On the contrary,” Solas countered, “I seek out battles to record them as important parts of history. You can learn a lot from studying battlefields and tactics, which is why I’m almost certain magic was used, albeit a small amount.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna went to take another drink from her cup, only to realize it was empty. With pursed lips, she rolled her eyes at his accusation while he continued.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Which begs the question, how does a slave have access to such powers? I was under the impression slaves had their ties to the Fade cut off.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We are. Careful not to make assumptions, Solas. Just because you’ve never met someone of my skill doesn’t mean it is magic. In fact, that very notion is insulting. Did you come down here just to insult me?” The wine gave her the courage she wouldn’t normally possess to push her luck as much as she was. Then again, no one really drew out that response. He just somehow managed to irritate her to no end and get a glance under her carefully constructed mask.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“On the contrary, Nehna. I was merely curious as to how you managed to recover your connection, and to advise you tread with caution. You wouldn’t want someone to discover-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before he could finish his sentence, Nehna’s fist connected solidly with his jaw, and she walked away, leaving him to clench the red mark quickly appearing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna joined her group of comrades with a drunken, satisfied smile on her face, singing long into the night and choosing not to think of the consequences of punching one of Mythal's favorite scholars. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The song briefly used is 'The Wild Rover', made popular by the Dubliners, and it is a fantastic song to sing while drinking!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>More of the inner workings Nehna's life are revealed as she discusses her plans with her friend. In the end, Nehna and Solas come to an agreement.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Pain radiated across her back as though she was still being burned. Even as Arinaya applied a cooling balm to the newly burnt skin that puckered her skin, her body remembered and was forced to re-live the pain of each lash. Each application of the gel elicited a hiss from Nehna as she grasped the countertop, white-knuckling through the pain. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m almost done, Nehna, don’t worry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just promise me a drink afterwards, Ari…” Another hiss of pain was drawn from chapped lips as Arianaya picked up the speed of her work, hoping to end her friend’s pain faster.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t recommend drinking, but I also know you well enough by now not to stop you,” she teased as she finished up her work. “What did you do this time, supposedly?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck if I know, Ari,” Nehna responded, her voice conveying the absolute mental and physical exhaustion she felt. “I won the fight. I thought…” she laughed, feeling embarrassed that she had expected anything. “I don’t know what I did, but I thought because of the honor I brought him in the fight that maybe he’d go easy on me and let me have a night off…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tears stung Nehna’s eyes as she slid her dress back on and turned to Ari to have it fastened back up. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know as well as I do. There’s no rhyme or reason to why the Evanuris do what they do. They’re sadistic towards us for sadism’s sake.” Ari finished fastening the eyelets of the dress and went to grab the cup of tea she had prepared for Nehna. “I do have to wonder, though. Did that elf you punched confront Dirthamen?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shrugging, Nehna accepted the tea, but not before pulling out a flask, seemingly out of nowhere, and poured its contents into the mug. “I would’ve thought Solas too prideful to go squealing to anyone, but,” she paused to take a sip of her tea, “now that you mention it, that might’ve been exactly what he did. He could be spiteful enough to pull such a stunt.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya’s voice dropped to a whisper, “Solas? I thought you said he might be the key to turning things around for us. For fuck’s sake, why did you punch him?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna had no immediate response for her friend. Yes, she had been learning about those possibly sympathetic to the plight of the enslaved, and Solas came up as a very likely candidate, especially as one of Mythal’s envoys. Given Mythal’s own commitment to justice, she assumed Solas would fall under that category. Not only that, he was more powerful than most gave him credit for, making it easy for him to go unnoticed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She took another sip of tea and shook her head. “He was just so…” Nehna was at a loss for words. “I don’t know, Ari, maybe I made a mistake. Besides, do we really need him? He’s as prideful as he is infuriating. I underestimated those traits. I mean, do we really want someone that is so far up his own ass he can’t see the nuances in our experiences? He thinks he’s got it all figured out,” she gripped the mug tighter as anger bubbled inside her chest, “we need someone compassionate, not arrogant.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The tea in her cup began to boil once more, and Ari rested a hand on Nehna’s shoulder to remind her to remain calm. “Still, he is in the best position to aid our fight. Consider giving him another chance, at least. I think your emotions regarding this situation are clouding your ability to think tactically.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna nodded, knowing she was right, even if it was difficult to admit. Solas had managed to get under her skin twice, now. She needed a better handle on the situation. She opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the pitter-patter of small feet running to greet her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna!” came the boy’s voice as he threw himself at her, almost causing her to spill the rest of her tea. “I was looking everywhere for you! You were ‘sposed to have breakfast with me!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She looked down at him apologetically, though a big smile graced her lips as she ruffled the boy’s hair and set the mug back on the counter. Nehna bent over so that she was at his height, biting back a grimace as the skin of her back stretched. “I know, Hareas. I’m so sorry! I’ll make it up to you, though. How does that sound?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How?” Hareas crossed his arms in front of his chest, feigning disbelief and earning a laugh from Nehna.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What if you help me out in the garden today?” She could already see the boy’s eyes lighting up. “I’m harvesting some of the fruit, and I’ll let you take a piece. How about that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya shot Nehna a shocked look, knowing that Nehna was risking another beating if Dirthamen found out she was taking Hareas away from his usual work post. She ignored it and turned her attention back to the boy, who’s blonde curls were bouncing up and down as he skipped around her in excitement. “Yay! I get to help Auntie Nehna!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but we must be quiet about it,” she warned him in a low voice. “It’s got to be our little secret, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hareas stopped skipping circles around Nehna at the change in tone and nodded as he tried to match the serious expression on Nehna’s face. “Okay, ‘cause of Dirthamen, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly, Hareas,” she ruffled his hair once more and offered him a bright smile, as if it would make up for missing breakfast. “Now run along and tell one of the older elves that works with you, and convince him you’re deathly ill so you can get time off. Can you do that for me? You have to really sell it so that they send you straight back here to Arianaya. Got it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hareas nodded enthusiastically before taking off out of the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a bad influence on him, Nehna,” came Arianaya’s voice as she turned her back to Nehna to clean up the used supplies. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What? By getting him out of being exploited? Other children get to play, and I know he’s not other kids, but shouldn’t he have some fun once in a while?” Nehna finished her tea and went to help Arianaya. “Don’t you wish you had someone back when you were young that would do that for you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not if I knew it would hurt them,” Arianaya spat back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, I accept the risks, and he doesn’t have to know… though he does understand something bad happens if anyone finds out, so we made an agreement. If he’s discrete and quiet, he can stay around. He gets some sunlight and some fresh food, and I teach him how to grow things.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna leaned against the counter, crossing her arms as she glanced over at her friend, who was busying herself to keep her emotions in check. Nehna, too, had used that technique before. “I accept the consequences. Isn’t that enough, Ari?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya stopped scrubbing the counter and sighed. “You’re going to undo all the hard work I’ve put into healing your wounds, you know that?” Her voice matched the weariness that weighed on Nehna's heart.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s if we get caught. Besides, it’s worth it to get him out of those mines.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re going to get yourself killed. Or him. I hope you have considered that possibility.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya was met with silence that hung heavy in the air as she voiced the inevitability of which they were both aware. Neither had ever spoken of it, both afraid of accepting the reality and voicing it into existence, but it was done. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna uncapped her flagon and drained the rest of its contents before turning to her friend, the playful glint that usually was present in her eyes was replaced with a solemn sincerity. “Then I’ll make sure it’s me. We’re all going to be killed sooner or later. At least this way, I get to choose the reason.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>The day had gone off without a hitch. Hareas had pulled off a particularly convincing display of being on the verge of death, worrying those around him enough to send him to Arianaya to be healed. The two spent the day in the garden, Hareas hiding in bushes, watching in interest as Nehna worked quickly and skillfully at harvesting the fruit. Every question he asked, she would have an answer for, and in the end, he scampered off to Arianaya with an apple in hand, leaving Nehna alone to work in peace.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As night fell, she migrated her work into the storeroom, bringing the freshly cut flowers with her to make arrangements for the festivities that would come in the following days to celebrate Dirthamen’s victory. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It had been mostly quiet, save for the rumbling in her stomach. If she wanted to make all of the arrangements on time, she needed to skip a few meals and have a few sleepless nights in order to produce something that would match the size and standard for which Dirthamen was known.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As she trimmed the edges of the floral arrangement down, there was a shift in the atmosphere of the room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna didn’t need to turn around to know he was there. The air had a chill to it anytime he was near, even on the hottest of days, and just like a bad coin, he kept appearing. He was a persistent fucker- she would give him that. Bold of him to show his face after their last encounter- one which left Nehna fuming and Solas clutching his jaw, where she had landed a clean punch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without halting her work with the floral arrangement in front of her, despite the gradual drooping of the flowers. It was as if they sensed the ice creeping over Nehna’s heart, she let out a sigh before pointing out, “You’re killing my plants.” Her smokey voice lacked the playful lilt it usually possessed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you so certain I’m the one responsible for that?” came the annoyingly pompous voice. “Magic, as you know, can manifest itself through our feelings. Now, I know that I have mastered that kind of control, but can the same be said about you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna could all but picture him leaning against the doorway, arms folded across his chest as he watched her work, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. The mental image itself was enough to push her from feeling inconvenienced to being seconds away from hurling the mosaic vase at his smug face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Still, given her position, she had learned to stifle such emotional outbursts- save for the one Solas had managed to draw out of her in their last encounter. The alternative was punishment from Dirthamen, who was always eager to try out new ways of torturing he had discovered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Inhale. Exhale.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She could still feel the lashes on her back, and it was all thanks to that no-good asshole that had decided to show his face after everything.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s cute you assume I have feelings, Solas,” she retorted, careful to keep her tone even. “I thought slaves were just mindless drones?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>One by one, the once colorful petals, now frosted and brown, began to float to the wooden tabletop.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But you are no ordinary slave,” he pointed out. “You never denied having magic-“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I never confirmed it, either.” Nehna refused to give up on her arrangement, even as the stems themselves were becoming brittle with the cold. It was all she could do to keep the rage building in her chest in check. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ordinary slave? Where the fuck did he get that idea? What does that even-</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Inhale. Exhale.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She could feel Solas watching her as her shoulders rose and fell as she wrestled to keep her emotions in check. If he kept poking a bit further, which way would she tip?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” she continued, as though she were observing a fresco, “for all your wisdom, you truly are blinded by ego and pride. All of us have rich inner lives that we nurture, because it’s the only freedom we’re allowed. You just don’t see it, because you’re too busy living in the lap of luxury with your head up your own ass.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For anyone wondering by, not paying close attention to the words, it would’ve sounded as though they were having an intellectual discussion, which was not out of place given that they were in Dirthamen’s palace, rather than a slave slinging insults at a respected member of Elvhen society.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment, Solas was caught speechless. It wasn’t until he saw the frost covering the arched windows looking out onto the sunlit garden that he remembered his mission here.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I saw you at the Proving. You may have others fooled by your ‘humble’ slave act, but you are far from ordinary. It also explains why Dirthamen would give someone like you so much leeway-“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you even start!” Nehna rounded on him before he could finish. “How dare you pretend I get special treatment.” What remained of the flower arrangement burst into flames as she jabbed a pointed finger at his chest. All of the memories from the night before played on her mind. Each strike endured, each cry of pain that echoed across the cold torture chambers at the bottom of the estate.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Every ounce of what you perceive as freedom comes at a greater cost. They use us as fodder for their wars, cities, monuments, and experiments in exchange for a mere taste of freedom. We are here solely for their amusement. We are expendable, so long as it is serving the so called greater good-“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna paused as she watched the self-satisfied smile on his face grow. She followed his gaze over her shoulder to discover the small fire she had started.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You were saying?” he asked, satisfied at the response he had elicited.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck off!” With a glare, she shoved him before moving to fetch a bucket of water, but before she could douse the flames, Solas had managed to stifle the flame with a flick of his wrist. Nehna slammed the bucket down on the marble countertop, causing some of the water to spill over the top.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She should’ve seen this coming. That self-righteous bastard played her like a fiddle into getting the information he wanted.  There was no telling what would happen once Dirthamen learned an outsider had been let in on their secret. No doubt the others would get angry at Dirthamen’s trickery in the Proving. It would be another war between the rulers, costing countless lives.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna tensed as a hand came to gently rest on her shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I will speak of it to no one, you have my word.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She blinked a few times, partly to push away the tears and partly out of amazement. Gone was the pompous demeanor she’d become accustomed to, and in its absence, sincerity took its place. Still, she refused to face him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It is what brought me here today. I wish to make amends for the harm I have caused you, be it directly or indirectly.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sensing her hesitancy, Solas removed his hand from her shoulder and moved back to examine the ashes that remained. “With proper training, I can help you fully access your magic- even with the vallaslin controlling your connection. You can keep it hidden and use it discreetly so as not to arouse suspicion. Let me help you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna whirled around on him, eyes burning with anger. “Why should I? You’re a squealer, and because of you, I was punished-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure I follow.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You told Dirthamen I punched you! Don’t insult me by playing dumb!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I didn’t order you to punch me, so I don’t see how I’m responsible for that, but I certainly didn’t go to Dirthamen about it. Doing so would’ve had the potential to create a rift in Mythal and Dirthamen’s alliance.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Silence fell upon her as she took it all in. Nehna took a few steps back until she the wooden counter was supporting her weight. What was she punished for, then? Nehna, as far as she knew, had acted in accordance with his expectations, save for the one outburst Solas managed to be on the receiving end of. Either Solas was lying, or Dirthamen just beat her for the fun of it, which wasn’t unheard of, but it was a very rare occurrence. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you injured?” he asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s none of your concern.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How often does it happen?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas was met once more with silence. Why should she tell him? As she said, it was none of his concern, and why he was even asking was beyond her. Then, the conversation with Arianaya came to mind. Maybe she had been too quick to shut him down. If Solas seemed as troubled by her predicament as he appeared almost hovering like a mother hen protecting her chicks, maybe he was open to helping them, even if the thought of him helping made her bristle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If I were to consider seeking your help,” Nehna mused, turning the conversation away from her pain inflicted at the hands of Dirthamen, “What would you expect in return? I have never met anyone who does something solely for kindness’s sake.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“As I said, I merely wish to make amends-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bullshit. What do you expect out of it?” She shoved passed him, gathering up the burnt remains of the arrangement and tossing them into a sack with the rest of the rubbish. Nehna pushed back the tears as she turned to face him. “Let’s get one thing straight. If you’re going to offer such a thing, I expect honesty, Solas. In my experience, nothing is free. So, out with it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The slight uptick from his eyebrows informed her he was taken aback by her bluntness. Still, a smile of respect stretched across his lips as he nodded. “That is a reasonable enough expectation. I was hoping to discover how you managed to subvert the effects of the vallaslin. I have yet to see any slave with that ability.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His admission of an ulterior motive briefly calmed her soul. By having honesty about motivations, it brought a sense of familiarity. Now, they could work on an even understanding of expectations. Nehna could maintain some sense of control in their interactions. Realistically, there was no even playing field between them. Solas had power she did not and never would. The fact was not lost on her, but at least she could operate with the knowledge that they could work together with some transparency. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>However, it would be folly to expect full transparency from Solas. Nehna would have to keep him at arms length at all times, though it would be unfair to claim full innocence on her end. She would be using him as well. Not just to learn control, but to eventually get him to see their plight and hopefully be sympathetic enough to want to help. Already, his willingness to reach out to her was a good sign, even if he sought out knowledge. To Nehna, it demonstrated some self-awareness that she had not expected from him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nodding, she held her hand out to him, “I accept your help, so long as you remain open with me, Solas. The moment I smell something fishy, it’s over.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He shook her hand in agreement, a smile playing on his lips. “I would expect nothing less from you.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know I said weekly updates, but it's Camp NanoWriMo, so there is a chance it will be updated more frequently! </p>
<p>As always, please leave comments and kudos if you liked it! It helps the motivation.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Encounters with the Fade and with Dirthamen.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just as a note, before we get started: All sections that are italicized take place in the Fade. If you see italics in normal sections, they are thoughts.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“What is this place?” Solas turned around to face the woman asking the question. Nehna’s form was blurred, as though it was a muddied piece of art bursting with color. It began to clear as she drew closer to his position.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He watched as Nehna took in her surroundings, no doubt finding them familiar in a sense. The shapes and objects of the physical world were all there, only fuzzier, as though someone took a smudge brush and blurred the edges between reality and fantasy. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Where do you think we are?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As he expected, he was met with a frustrated sigh. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have asked. It’s the garden, but it isn’t.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Precisely! Nehna, we are in the Fade- the place from which elves derive their magic.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I thought the Fade and the real world were connected. How can we be in a separate place if that were the case?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We are both in the real world and not. This begs the question you must first come to answer before we can even begin training.” Solas offered Nehna a smile as he saw her go to argue with him but think better of it so that he could continue. It gave him a small bit of hope. Maybe there would be a chance of getting through to her. “Who are we to say what is real and what is not? To the Spirits we interact with, this is reality. Our own world seems otherworldly. We are simply at the other side of the looking glass, so to speak.” </span>
  </em>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The trickling of water that overflowed from the basin pulled Nehna away from her memory of the previous night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>She stood in front of the mirror, clouded with time and mold, ignoring the rest of the bustle of the bath house. Instead, she focused solely on her reflection, memorizing each freckle and mark that graced her face and gave it uniqueness. It was the only thing she could do to keep herself tied to reality for the moment. The brief encounter with the Fade took more out of her than she expected.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The question Solas posed was messing with her mind more than she wanted it to, partially because sleep deprivation was making it difficult enough to distinguish between reality and memory, as nightmarish experiences crept into the fringe of her vision. The faces of those unable to endure the experiments; the cries of children separated from their families to work where they were needed; the screams that would be heard only by her as Dirthamen tortured them all. Each experience added new weight onto Nehna’s back. She willed herself not to forget. To forget would be to lose all purpose and direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The need to ignore for the time being, however, was pressing. Ignoring the black tendrils of horrors unseen by most of the Elvhen that threatened to pull her away from her work and into the realm of insanity. Which was why the experience in the Fade was unsettling. Before, she had a certain idea of the separation between what was real and what wasn’t. It helped her to dissociate from those memories in order to continue living. Now, if those experiences were constantly echoed and replayed in the Fade, as Solas had implied, and were still real.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No. She couldn’t think about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The lack of food and sleep was getting to her, but she needed to keep working through the hot sun and cold nights in order to ensure everything was in order for the festivities that would occur the following day. Everything was arranged, but she needed a final say from Dirthamen before stringing up the decorations. It was a meeting she was dreading after their last encounter left her with more scars. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The swaying of unsteady legs jolted Nehna while, at the same time, her eyes grew heavy with the weight of sleepless nights. Nehna splashed her face with the cold water in the basin in an attempt to regain some strength. When she glanced back into the mirror, she saw Arianaya’s reflection staring at her as she waited patiently with a cup of coffee for Nehna. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna grabbed the cloth beside the basin and dried off her face before turning to greet her friend with a kiss on the cheek. “You are truly the best of us, Ari!” She took the cup and gave her friend a small smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to tell me what I already know,” Arianaya teased, tossing back her dark hair, feigning nonchalance. “I heard you were up for another night and thought you could use it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna took a sip of the dark, bitter drink, using the taste and the drink itself to boost her energy. She had heard that those with wealth and status had coffee imported that actually tastes good, with floral, fruity notes. For now, she would just imagine the taste instead of the muck she was used to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The arrangements are all done, I just need to get Dirthamen’s approval before I can start setting up.” Her voice was raspier than usual, weighed down from the combination of anxiety and exhaustion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m surprised you aren’t already drinking,” Arianaya teased as she waved to another one of their friends in the washroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna feigned offense, “Is that my whole personality to you? I’ll have you know I have other coping mechanisms.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and what would those be?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She began to count out on her fingers, but not before making a mental note to clean the dirt out from under her nails, “Gardening, dancing, punching pompous elves…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pair giggled as Nehna returned to the basin, setting the cup beside it while she attended to her nails. The teasing, jokes and laughter were ways that they could maintain some semblance of humanity. Without finding humor where none could, they would all be lost to despair that came with being owned by another. It was a way to reclaim ownership of self, at least for a time being. They could escape their harsh reality for a moment, and act as they had seen those with freedom act. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if sensing the next wave of exhaustion Nehna felt as she looked at her unruly hair, Arianaya followed close behind and picked up a brush to help Nehna.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh, let me help. A little bit of brushing won’t take away your resilience,” The knotted auburn curls gradually became untangled as Arianaya gradually worked her way through Nehna’s thick hair. “Besides, I’m sure all of this fussing is to add to Dirthamen’s favor of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was part of the reality of their situation Nehna detested. It gave her an outsider status among the rest of the enslaved, despite being on the receiving end of more burdens and punishments to remind her of her place. Perhaps that was why Solas managed to get under her skin that first day. Even an outsider had that impression of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arianaya received a sharp glare in the mirror as Nehna briefly took her attention off of her nails. “He doesn’t favor me. I’m just useful to him for the time being. I like to remind him of that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you’ll receive no judgement from me, especially if it means he’s distracted from the rest of us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna’s hands slammed on the wooden counter, “So, I’m just bait?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know that’s not what I meant, Nehna.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna sighed as she continued to fuss over her appearance, guilt weighing on her shoulders for lashing out at her friend. “I’m sorry, I know it’s part of helping out. I didn’t mean to snap.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was met with a slight laugh in response as Arianaya’s hands found her shoulders, “We have to find humor where we can. I’ll let you get back to your routine. Enjoy the coffee, dear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And with that, Nehna was left alone with her own reflection. The bustle of the washroom faded to white noise, only accompanied by the beating of her heart and her racing thoughts. She needed to steal herself. Every moment with Dirthamen was a war that she could not give into for fear of risking their resistance efforts, partially aided by the Patron of knowledge and secrets himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking back, she knew it was foolish to believe they could hide their efforts. Dirthamen had eyes and ears everywhere. He made it his job to know what was going on at all times. So, when he did confront Nehna about her efforts, it was almost a relief, especially when he offered to give her limited access to her magic in order to help their efforts. His sympathy to their plight took Nehna by surprise, at least until she chalked it up to him seeing it as another social experiment. So long as nothing was traced back to him, he was happy to offer limited help from the sidelines, while still reaping the benefits of slavery. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>None of the others knew of his slight involvement, and it was probably for the better. The less people knew, the less likely they were to rat out Dirthamen and ruin all of their efforts. Still, Nehna wrestled with the guilt in not being fully transparent with her comrades, especially as they all still suffered under the brutalities of slavery. How could she justify the hypocrisy of Dirthamen?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Each time this line of thought reared its ugly head, she told herself the same thing: he’d find out sooner or later, and the later he found out, the harsher the punishment. Besides, he probably didn’t think they’d be successful, and that would ultimately be his downfall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nehna took another sip of coffee with shaky hands. Whether it was from fear or a sudden intake of caffeine, she wasn’t sure and didn’t care which it was. The burnt flavor grounded her once more and allowed her to finish getting ready. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me, Nehna, what are these lovely flowers?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen was bent over one of her arrangements in the greenhouse, taking in the aroma of the handpicked flowers and ivy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jacaranda for wisdom, the white chrysanthemum for truth, statice for success, the sprigs of eucalyptus for purity-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And this one here? This pink and red flower here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That would be Rhododendron, Sir.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And tell me, what message does that convey to our guests, Nehna?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She remained silent, busying herself with adjusting the arrangement so it possessed a fuller look to it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I’m recalling my symbolism correctly, is it not one of danger?” He grew closer to Nehna, hovering over her as that very message the flower sent danced in his icy blue eyes. “Now please, enlighten me as to why you would choose such a flower for a celebration, Nehna?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fear coursed through her veins and the fresh scars on her back flared in anger as they anticipated more to join. It was a calculated risk she took, including the Rhododendron. Nehna half expected him to overlook such a flower as it blended with the jacaranda. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I chose them because they complemented the other colors in the arrangement, Sir. I was not thinking about meaning when I chose it.” Nehna regretted her excuse as soon as it fell from rouged lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The smile that played on Dirthamen’s lips chilled her to the core.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, I find that interesting, my dear.” His smooth voice was soft- just barely above a whisper. “You’ve just listed out the symbolism of each flower, demonstrating that you had thought of each meaning- something I greatly enjoy in your work.” He plucked out one of the Rhododendrons from the arrangement, and carefully examined the flower. The movement itself elicited a flinch from Nehna.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You take such care in both the extravagance and the meaning in everything you create. So, I find it hard to believe that someone such as yourself would overlook such a blatant message being sent to our guests.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen’s eyes found hers. Was it anger or admiration and amusement that reflected back to her?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be shy. Why would you feel you need to convey such a message? Have I not been kind to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Words failed Nehna. It was the only time she lacked the spitfire spirit for which she was known. Knowing that she needed to tread carefully to avoid his wrath, Nehna chose her words carefully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sir, shouldn’t we always be wary of the danger others possess? Why, even in the arena, that danger was present, and you emerged victorious. I felt it was a somber reminder of the reality of life, danger among beauty and responsibility. It’s quite poetic, don’t you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen’s hand, perfectly manicured and soft, lifted Nehna’s chin up so he could get a better look at her face. The scrutiny with which she was examined was stifling as she awaited his response. Would he buy it? Or would she undergo another night of torture?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hand moved from her chin to caress her cheek as his expression softened. “You are quite a remarkable girl, Nehna. You remind me so much of your mother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ghost of her mother melted her heart as tears threatened to fall. She willed them not to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seeing this, Dirthamen pulled her into an embrace, patting her back. “There, there. I know it must still hurt. She was a very special person.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Confusion played on her mind at this sudden display of affection from him. Ominous energy charged the air as she waited for the follow up she knew was coming.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is such a shame when someone forgets their place, is it not, Nehna?” Dirthamen released her but kept her at arms length as he ran his fingers through her hair. “Do not forget your place, my dear. I would hate to see you meet the same fate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Rhododendron, so delicate and beautiful, was slid behind her ear to accentuate the warning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Replace those with something more suitable. Use nasturtium and ivy. Then you may proceed with decorating my palace.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The breath Nehna wasn’t aware she was holding left her lungs as she relaxed at his exit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No longer strong enough to hold her up, her legs crumbled and she collapsed to the ground, sobbing. Whether out of exhaustion or relief, she wasn’t sure. The body’s reaction to fear always intrigued her. It mostly escaped comprehension as contradictory reactions often came about. Fight, flight, or freeze was what she heard it referred to as, but she wondered if they could all exist at once. It was the only explanation that would account for the tangled web of emotions that she was experiencing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nehna?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The innocence of the voice and the small embrace from behind sobered her as she willed the tears to stop. Hareas needn’t see this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t cry, Nehna. Everything is going to be alright.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shame came crashing down. A child shouldn’t need to comfort an adult. It was not their duty to do so. Nehna looked at him with a smile, although her heart shattered. It was as if she was looking at herself when she was younger, comforting her own mother.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She drew Hareas into a hug. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m okay.” Reality set in and she held him at arm's length. “Why aren’t you in the mines? You can get in a lot of trouble if you’re caught up here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna wiped away the tears from her cheek with the green velvety sleeve as she rose to her feet and took his hand in hers. They both had work to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be down there. I want to be up here with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hareas…”</span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You let me do it last time!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but it can’t be an everyday thing. We can both get in a lot of trouble. Do you understand?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hurt having to bring him back to the mines when all she really wanted was to spend the day in the garden with him. However, given the fact she was already on thin ice, she couldn’t risk pushing her luck in that regard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she let go of his hand and waved goodbye, he didn’t return the smile or wave and instead sulked back into the dark, damp caverns of the cave. Tears sprung up once more. She couldn’t cry. It was tiptoeing the line, and she feared once she started, she would be unable to stop at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reaching for her flask, she welcomed the burning sensation of whiskey as she drained its contents. Nehna had work to do. There could be no distractions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took well into the wee hours of the night to finish decorating the palace with the new floral arrangements. The growling of Nehna’s stomach rang in the end of the task and sent her towards the kitchens to make up for all of the meals she missed to meet the deadline. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Normally, she would sit in the garden and enjoy dandelion wine to celebrate and lull her into sleep, but this time, she needed food. Too many meals missed did nothing to help her separate reality from memory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only source of light in the hallway came from the kitchen, causing the shadows to flicker and dance in the candlelight. Silence greeted her as she walked into the empty room. Everyone had gone to bed already. Nehna was free to momentarily let down her guard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She boiled the water for tea and grabbed a plate that had been left out for her by one of the kitchen servants, who knew Nehna well enough to know she would be in there later. It was better than having Nehna eat things that were meant for Dirthamen and his inner circle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The aching in her feet refused to ease up, even as she sat down at the table. Nehna made a mental note to soak them before bed to make the pain a little more bearable in the morning. Too many long hours of being on her feet gave her enough foresight to know this, and with the celebrations going on tomorrow, she needed to be in top form. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kettle screeched its finishing tune, and she hobbled over to fish it out of the fire. Nehna hummed an old forgotten tune that her mother would sing as she strained the water over the leaves until the cup was brewed. She left a small bit of space to mix in the whiskey. Old habits die hard, and it had been hours since her last drink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t remember finishing her food or heading to bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show again,” Solas’s voice echoed through the Fade as Nehna jolted up from her seat at the table in the kitchen.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Can’t a girl get one night of rest before having to put up with you?” she groaned as she clutched her heart, willing it to calm down. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We made arrangements. It would be uncouth of me to not honor my end of the bargain, would it not?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And while I appreciate you doing so, if I’m entirely honest, I don’t have the energy tonight. Some of us have been up for a few days preparing for all of you.” She sat back down at the table and poked around at her unfinished food. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is that why I have not sensed your presence in a few days?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nehna let out a weary sigh as she took a sip of her tea, which had remained in its hot state in the Fade, and she was reminded that reality was different here. It molded to the memories of the living. For once, she was grateful for the differing realities. She could still enjoy a drink. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ve been decorating the entire palace and crafting all of the centerpieces, flower arrangements, and anything else he wanted done- all by myself. So forgive me if I have somehow disappointed you,” though she was not truly sorry, “but some of us face consequences of not completing our duties, and therefore do not have the luxury of sleeping. I am assuming that’s how we are here on this end of the Fade.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nehna saw a hint of a smile twitch at his lips, letting her know she was correct.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re a quick learner,” he mused as he took a seat opposite her and put his feet up on the table. Nehna leaned forward and swatted them off the table.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We may be in the Fade, but have some respect, Solas.” Nehna ignored the compliment. Being a quick learner was required of all of the slaves if they wanted to survive long enough to see adulthood, but she was much too worn out to argue this point with him. She watched his eyes fall to her tea. “What? Do you want me to make you a cup?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Solas chuckled and shook his head. “If I did, I would have made a cup myself seeing as I have my own two legs. However, as it is tea, I will abstain.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nehna shrugged and picked up her own cup laced with whiskey, “Suit yourself. Less work for me.” The burning sensation was still present, and Nehna gladly welcomed it.  “So, if we’re not training, why are you sticking around? Aren’t there more interesting parts of the Fade to explore than some person drinking tea?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, Nehna, you sell yourself short.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Or maybe I’m just trying to push you away.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes, I had considered that, but that is why you are far more fascinating to me than other parts of the Fade for the time being.” He leaned back and observed her movements. Every twitch of the fingers, delicate yet toughened by years of hard labor, the straightening of her lips as she grew less amused. “Tell me something, Nehna-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If I have to.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes. After all, honesty is what we’re basing everything on, is it not?” She could only shrug in response. He had her there. “Why is it you are perfectly docile to those above you- and before you interrupt,” he had seen her move to argue, and he silenced her with a wave of the hand, “I don’t believe I am above you, nor Dirthamen or any of the free Elves. I am merely stating the class reality and power differences between us. Why do I receive such antagonism from you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Honestly?” Nehna laughed and gathered her hair over one shoulder. “And you’re not going to fly into a rage and terminate this whole agreement?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was hard to believe she could speak without risking anything. She felt as though it was a trap to get out of helping her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re stalling. You have my word. I did ask for an honest answer. I will respect whatever you say.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nehna eyed him warily, taking one more sip of tea before giving him what he wanted, “Because you walk around with such an air of superiority and act like you know it all. You come off incredibly condescending and fail to think how your words will be received, and you- out of all of them- seem incredibly blaise about it all.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Where she expected chastisement or a frown and a glint of anger, she found none. Instead, she was greeted with a genuine smile and a sense of peace. It brightened up the area around him as wisps responded to the change in atmosphere, glistening, like stars, around the kitchen.  It unnerved Nehna. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He chuckled and shook his head at her question. “Most people hide behind masks, Nehna, though I expect you already knew that,” Solas paused as he rose to his feet and grabbed her empty cup and plate to bring it to the sink. Nehna watched on in bewilderment. Never before had she seen anyone above her station even offer to clean up. “It is most refreshing to have someone finally speak their mind around me. It allows for growth.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>With a wave of his hand, the dishes were cleaned and put away before he turned to face her once more. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I suspect we will see each other tomorrow.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And with that, he was gone, leaving Nehna speechless as she stared at the spot from which he vanished. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you've enjoyed! Let me know what you think! I'm trying to lay some groundwork before getting into the meat of the story! Anyways, stay safe and healthy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A celebration and shattered reality.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just before we get started, I wanted to add trigger warnings to this chapter to be safe. There are mentions of forced prostitution and a scene of child labor and abuse towards the very end. I will mark that particular bit with *** before it begins, and I will do the same when it ends to let you know when it's over.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>The air in the palace was charged with excitement as spirits and Elvhen alike gathered together for the celebration of victory. The chatter was a constant hum that was almost reminiscent of bees buzzing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room grew quite as the entrance bells echoed throughout the grand banquet hall. The crowd, as if choreographed, turned and bowed their heads to the arched entrance as the person of honor entered the room with his Champion on his arm. With a wave of his hand, the orchestra began to play once more as the pair paraded down the center of the room to greet each and every member of the party. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas had to give Nehna credit: she washed up well and looked presentable. For once, the dirt-stained clothes were traded in for a floor length crimson velvet gown, if he was seeing that correctly. Her hair, which was usually in curls that threatened to consume her face was slicked back, covered by a hood of intricately woven gold and precious jewels that draped over exposed shoulders and attached to the back of the dress to form a train of crimson. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Had he not been aware of who she was, he might have mistaken her for royalty. Even her posture and composure in front of those with great power remained poised and confident, as he watched her move from person to person, being introduced by Dirthamen before receiving kisses to the cheeks. Nehna would, without a doubt, be in high demand tonight as he watched and counted the lustful glances of high societies’ men and women, and he was reminded once more of the burden she carried. She was at the beck and call of everyone in this room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas shook his head. Odd. Was that truly such a horrible thing? Sure, she might not have a say in who she was with, but one could hardly deny the ecstasy of being with another.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A slight twinge of guilt pulled at the corners of his mind, but he brushed it off with a glass of wine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, and here’s the scholar I was telling you about, Nehna,” Dirthamen slung his arm around Solas and patted his stomach. Were it not a celebration, he would have earned a glare from Solas, but he remembered the mask and the Game he played so well. “Solas, may I present my Champion, Nehna.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the first time, he was greeted with a bright smile and hooded eyes as Nehna curtseyed, “A pleasure to meet you, Ser Solas.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Feeling the challenge she presented, he aimed to match it and see just how far he could push his luck. He grabbed her hand and pressed her knuckles to his lips before saying, “The pleasure is all mine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas’s smile grew as he saw the slight twitch of her lips as she seemingly tried to hold back a retort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen once more positioned himself beside Nehna as he drew her close, an arm around her waist as he continued to speak to Solas, leaving Nehna to be nothing but a decoration on his arm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I must say, Solas, your gift was quite informative. I hope we can find some time tonight to discuss its applications.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Sir, I will be here all night.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And with that, Dirthamen and Nehna continued down the row of people, finishing their greetings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the night progressed and the wine continued to flow, the party grew livelier. A few had already slipped off to the hidden corners of Dirthamen’s palace, while others danced in the ballroom, moving gracefully like petals on a pond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas wiped the sweat off of his brow as he nodded a thanks to his dance partner before parting ways. He wasn’t sure if it was the heat in the room or the wine, but he could feel his face flush with merriment. It was always difficult to hide when he was drinking, his fair complexion taking on the reddish blush with even the slightest taste of wine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was not alone, most that danced around him were faced with the same problem, although they were less discrete and in control of their drunken movements than he was. As he surveyed the room, his gaze landed once more on Nehna, who seemed much livelier and unhindered than she had been in the beginning. A man was trying to get her attention, reaching out to her and touching her, only to be shrugged off as she skirted around his advances by conversing with one of the women that was swinging her around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until the spurned man roughly grabbed her arm that Solas decided to step in, seeing the slightest glint of fear flash in her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cut in, peering down at Nehna as he yelled over the music, “There you are, girl, I paid for your time, and you’re over here why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna bowed her head in a show of shame- he knew her at this point. It was just an act. “I was not informed, Sir. This gentleman here wished for time with me.” The vitriol in her voice was slight, but it was there. Nehna felt betrayed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas shoved her out of the way and squared up to the other elf. “Have you been granted permission from Dirthamen?” The height differential between the two men only added to the condescending tone. With a wave of his hand, Solas called over Dirthamen and pulled out a sack of gold coins. “Sir, if you would be so inclined, I would like a few hours with your lovely Champion.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other man stood there in disbelief as Nehna was snatched from underneath him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen chuckled and took the coins as he gave Solas a broad smile before turning to Nehna, “You certainly are popular tonight, my dear,” Nehna failed to meet either of their gazes, staring only at the marble floor. “I thought you might like her, Solas! She is a pretty one, isn’t she?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He noticed the slight tension in her shoulders as she listened to their conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She certainly is, Sir.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Dirthamen slapped Nehna on the rear, causing her to jump slightly, “You heard the man. Treat him well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other man stormed off. He was surely frustrated, but there was no arguing with Dirthamen. With a smirk in his direction, Solas offered his arm out to Nehna and led her out of the bustling ballroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Uncharacteristically, Nehna remained silent. There was no protest or argument, only compliance. It sent a chill down his spine. Never before had she seemed so lifeless. She took the lead, grabbing him by the hand and leading him through the labyrinth of hallways, and it was then that Solas began to notice the smaller details. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The scuffs on the once-pristine crimson velvet. The auburn curls peaking through the headdress. The creases and stains of wine and who knows what else that almost mirrored the darker bits of the fabric. Only those close enough would notice. Most importantly, her once proud posture was replaced with a slouched one, shoulders rolled inward in a sort of protective measure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna led him into a room and locked the door behind them before moving to take off the headpiece. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another pang shot through his heart as realization hit Solas. She thought he was serious. His hand grasped her wrist to stop her. “Nehna, this isn’t what I want. You can relax,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He saw the wave of relief wash over her as her shoulders released the tension they had been carrying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you have such a low opinion of me that you group me with that sort of person?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence blanketed them as she searched for an answer, fiddling with the rings on her fingers. Nehna wasn’t sure what to think anymore. The shock at his action of buying her. The disappointment as she believed him to be like all the others. The confusion of where that sort of disappointment stemmed from- all of it rushed through her mind as she tried to find the right words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And she was tired. The night had not been kind to her, with too many people demanding too many things that stripped her of all sense of worth. That kind of treatment could wear down even the strongest warrior, and she was just a slave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shaking her head, Nehna gave him the only answer she could come up with, “I don’t know what to make of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>True to his perception of her character, she was honest with him, and the words continued to flow, despite her better judgement. “I don’t know what to make of any of you free people, and it’s hard to expect any sort of kindness. Expecting that gets us hurt. It’s easier to lump you all together and expect the worst. It saves us the disappointment in the end.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sat down at the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped and her head in her hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas made no move to join her, fearing he would make her more uncomfortable than she already was. Reality was starting to set in for him. Life was not all it seemed for her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, true to his nature, he couldn’t help but push, “I inquired about your perception, not the general perception of slaves.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna shot him a warning glance, only to have it soften when she saw the look of genuine intrigue he wore. “My perception is intertwined with all others, but I will concede for the time being. You did pay, afterall.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words were meant to sting- to let him know she resented how he approached the situation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As I said before, I think you’re arrogant, snobbish, and incredibly condescending,” Nehna paused as she chuckled as she shook her head, “and up until this point, if I’m honest, I thought you were just like everyone else and willing to use your status to take what you wanted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whether or not she included the full truth was unimportant. She allowed for a glimpse into her mind and hoped that was sufficient enough to entice him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What caused such a shift? I could still demand pleasure,” as she looked over, he leant up against the door, his arms crossed over his chest as a slight, teasing smile pulled at the edges of his lips.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna laughed as she shook her head, “No, I don’t think you will. You wouldn’t have stopped me from undressing if that were the case.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The amused twitch in his eyebrows told her she was correct in her assumption. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, as to the shift? I never said things shifted, Solas,” she continued as light returned to her eyes. “I only said you seemed to be like everyone else, and that, as it turns out, is not entirely true as you are the only person that would pay that insane amount to ensure I was no one else’s.” Nehna rose to her feet and smoothed out the creases in her dress. “Now, what prompted such a noble act? Especially when I’ve been nothing but openly antagonistic to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas straightened at the question. It was his turn to be caught off guard as he wasn’t entirely sure himself what prompted such an act.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if she expected such a lack of response, she shoved past him and unlocked the door. “I want to show you something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He followed her once more through the winding hallways, lit only by clusters of candles that hung in the air, casting dancing shadows as they drifted further away from the party and further underneath the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they came to a hall with no light, Solas drew fire at the tips of his fingers to show the rest of the way, only to find they were at an eluvian. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you-”</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Solas was cut off as she held a finger to rouge-covered lips and pulled him through the entrance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The air that greeted them was heavy with the smell of mold, soot, and excrement. Nehna paused, as if she expected Solas’s response to the smell. He keeled over, retching at the pungent aroma, his stomach rejecting everything he had consumed in the course of the night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he straightened back up, he saw Nehna was already continuing on, showing no concern to his brief affliction. She was seemingly intent on getting to where they were going quickly. They grew closer to their destination, and the screaming of children were met with chastisement from older elves, urging them to be quiet and to continue mining, lest they be met with punishment, the likes of which they had never experienced. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna glanced back for a moment to ensure he was still following her and motioned for him to crouch down as she belly-crawled onto a ledge that overlooked the scene below. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><strong>***</strong>Solas debated backing out, not wanting to risk getting his formal outfit dirty. It would only prompt questions from the rest of the Elves with Mythal. He reconsidered, though, as his mind replayed the sight of a broken down Nehna, making him feel as though he owed this to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, he followed her lead, looking over the ledge to the sight below as his jaw dropped. Children of all ages worked with crude tools, crowded into tiny tunnels as minders watched on, flaming whips on hand should anyone act out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As one child collapsed, crying, he was met with harsh words and a whip to the back, tearing through already tattered fabric. Solas moved to react, only to be met with restraint from Nehna, who motioned for him to be quiet, though tears glistened in her eyes. Hesitantly, he returned to watching in horror as the child refused to get up and was met once more with repetitive whippings, tearing his shirt apart completely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One of the other children reached out to the broken boy and offered a hand, only to receive a warning. She snapped her hand away, and continued to pick at the glowing rocks while the beating continued until the boy stopped crying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><strong>***</strong>Having seen enough, Solas stormed out with Nehna following close behind. As they exited the eluvian, he turned on Nehna, taking both her arms in a vice like grip as he shook her, “Why. Did. You. Bring. Me. There?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas couldn’t stop shaking as his mind continued to flash those horrid images in his mind. They were only children! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That, Solas, is how we are all brought up until our talents are discovered and we are sorted to different work stations. Each and every person that is enslaved- that is, those that make it out alive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt sick to his stomach once more. Was Mythal aware? She had to be. She, herself, benefitted from mining, with her palace made entirely of diamond and crystal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ask why I brought you there? I wanted to show you what our reality is, as enslaved people, and how it colors our view of you all. I wanted you to understand where I come from when I say it’s far better to be a critical and cynical of free elves when all we’ve ever known is pain and hardship all for the supposed benefit of society.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna’s words hit him like lead and cut through the ringing in his ears as she maintained eye contact with him, even as he tried to avoid looking at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She continued, without giving him time to soak in her words or respond, because she knew there would be no response. Solas had just received a shock to the system. “Because, if we are living in such an advanced society, how can those that are free accept the treatment of those that are enslaved? Don’t you see, Solas? My people are disposable. While you all enjoy your luxurious lives, we suffer at your hands. We struggle day in and day out, never knowing if the day we live will be our last.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas released her from his vice-like grip as he turned his back to her, head hung in sorrow at the truth in her words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not one person is willing to fight for us, so we have to fend for ourselves. So you see, that’s why we see all of you as callous, self-righteous assholes. It’s why I grouped you in with the rest. You wanted honesty? You’ve got honesty. Now the question is, what will you do with that knowledge. Will you go back to your blissful ignorance, or does it actually ignite rage and spur you to create change?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only muffled sounds of the music being played in the other parts of the palace filled the space between them where neither bothered to speak. Nehna released her fists that had clenched unconsciously, leaving nail imprints on her palms. She was half tempted to reach out to him to see if he was still breathing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As her hand hovered over his shoulder, she received a sharp, “Don’t.” The voice was barely audible and still commanded attention. “I- I need to be going.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, he vanished, leaving Nehna alone in the dark, and the tears that had been threatening to fall the entire time streamed down her face. She slid down the wall and hugged her knees into her chest. Darkness hugged her form as she allowed herself a moment to feel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Had she been wrong? Perhaps she misinterpreted his actions of kindness tonight and was once more let down. Perhaps he wasn’t ready for the cold shock of reality, and her own misstep cost the entire cause a powerful ally. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was only for a moment that she allowed herself to cry. After, she picked herself back up. There was an entire night to enjoy, now that she had no obligation to be at the party since Dirthamen assumed she’d be with Solas for the rest of the night. That, at least, was one thing Solas gave her, and she would gladly take the freedom to be with her friends. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nehna waits in the Fade for Solas, despite not seeing or hearing from him since their last encounter. There, she relives memories and witnesses events of which she had no prior knowledge.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Green-tinted moonlight shone through the leaves of the great oak, transforming each branch into shadowy arms. Stillness surrounded her. Not even the rustling of leaves or the chirping of crickets kept Nehna company as the bottle of whisky was slowly drained of its contents. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even the wisps, curious beings as they were, kept their distance from the strange woman. They watched from their spots as the stranger plucked blades of grass from their homes and dropped them to see if there was even the slightest breeze in this place.  They landed where they fell, close to their origins but in such a state in which they could never return, and Nehna wasn’t sure if the stifling feeling she experienced was the lack of wind or the profound sense of solitude. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas had yet to show his face in this place. A week had passed since she lifted the veil from his eyes. A week of wondering if she had placed her hope in the wrong person. What kind of person couldn’t experience sympathy or have compassion towards a group of people that endure such horrors? Who could turn their back to such injustice, especially someone that was so close with Mythal? Maybe there was no point in seeking outside help. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And that’s why we can only put trust in ourselves,” the soft timbre of her mother’s voice cut through the void. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The shimmering reality manifested a dulled reflection of her mother, who knelt beside a similarly reflected child as the pair observed the wilting sunflowers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened to it, Momma?” Nehna’s own voice fell from the child’s lips as the younger of the two glanced up at the glowering woman. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hush, child. Have I not told you we aren’t allowed titles of any sort?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna recalled the sting of those words as she watched the memory play out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But I heard some of the other kids at the Festival call their life-givers ‘mommy’. Is that not what you are?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tears, which she never witnessed as a child, welled up in her mother’s eyes. Instead, the child kept her eyes on the flowers her mother tended to. With the slightest touch to the stem, the flowers straightened and regained their color. Even in this reality, they were the most vibrant colors. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“They are in a different position from us, Nehna.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But why?” Ever the contrarian, Nehna was alway questioning, even from a young age. She could hear her mother’s sigh clear as day. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The woman grabbed the child by the arm and brought her over to a bush, where bees were busy amongst the flowers. The low buzz swelled as they grew closer, amplified by the empty space. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You see these bees here? These are the workers. They carry the weight of maintaining their home, where the queen runs the show. We are the workers. They are the queens.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, who says they have to?” Wisps flitted about, their curiosity getting the better of them as the inquisitive child stirred up dissent.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The queen.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, who made her queen?” Once more, questioned the way things were. It was a trait that was to be encouraged in free elves. The kid had seen it and desired to have the same privilege. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna…” It was a warning. Nehna knew it well enough by now, though the child had yet to learn. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who? It doesn’t seem fair.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing in life is fair!” The words cracked like a whip, and Nehna wished for the stillness to return. Anything was better than the emotions swelling like a tide and prompting her to take another drink from her flagon. The mother grabbed her child by the shoulders and began to shake her. “Don’t you get it? Do you want to be sent back to the mines?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The wailing cut through the sudden downpour of rain until everything, even the rain itself, dissipated. Once again, she was all alone with no explanation of what happened or why it occurred. Nehna hadn’t recalled rain that day. In fact, the scorching sun had burned her skin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She returned to her spot under the tree to resume drinking and cursing Solas’s name for showing her the Fade and teaching her nothing more about it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother had cried- actually shown emotion towards Nehna, if what was shown was to be believed. It painted the memory in shades she never dreamed existed. What exactly was this place, and how did it latch on to this part of her history? Was it accurate? She wished for Solas, despite the growing disdain for him. At least he’d be able to explain it to her- it was better than stumbling around in the proverbial dark.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna began to unscrew the top of the bottle only to pause as particles of the Fade, previously hanging like diamonds in the air, began to coalesce to form the scene in front of her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Moonlight reflected off the fountain as mother and daughter tumbled about. Their laughter, though flimsy and ethereal, rang out and drew in not only Nehna, but playful wisps that started dancing about the rows of flowers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Remember to always stay light on your feet, Nehna,” her mother called out as the younger girl stumbled over vines that sprang up from the ground. Dust from the dried up earth beneath them rolled up from its resting place. As Nehna could recall, there was a drought that year, and yet her mother’s garden still bloomed. It was the only one in all of Elvhenan that produced any harvest, and that placed them in the good graces of Dirthamen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s hardly fair that you can use magic, Eludysia.” The child spat back, holding back laughter that was a warning signal itself- like the tail end of a rattlesnake. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>From her position on the ground, the girl kicked up. Her foot connected square with the solar plexus. Eludysia staggered backwards as the girl jumped back to her feet, the grin on Eludysia’s face mirrored that of her child’s.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Very good, child.” Her mother’s smile matched her own. “Even if you are knocked down, never stop fighting. You must always remember that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna found herself smiling at the memory as the mother drew her child into an embrace- the only one Nehna could recall. She reached out to touch her mother, only to grasp at air as if her hand was a ghostly figure. So she took what she could get.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Here, she could relive this moment over and over. A momentary peace afforded in a chaotic time. Even as the pair embraced, Nehna recalled and could even feel the strong arms around her. The scent of nutmeg and cinnamon that always lingered in the air around her mother. It was as strong now as it was then.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For once, she could allow herself to revel in the present joy reflected in the world around her. This reality was the one she wanted back. How could people ever want to leave the Fade when they could experience moments previously taken for granted?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Spirits of Compassion and Harmony, intrigued by the sentiments the memory carried, drew closer to witness the display. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pair continued to spar as Nehna and the growing number of Spirits looked on at the display of skill from the mother, even as she held back and left opportunities on which the younger one could capitalize. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna’s smile grew at the sight. Sparring was always a good experience that carried happiness for Nehna. It was the one time she could play with her mother. It was with slight sadness that she realized she never reflected on such times any more. Life got in the way. Survival was all she could focus on. They weren’t granted time to reminisce and daydream. To see it happen so vidily made Nehna want to hold on to the innocence of this place. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At this realization, the scene disappeared once more into the abyss, leaving Nehna with nothing more than the smile that was quickly fading and the oak tree she used to support herself. Just as quickly as it had manifested, it was gone, leaving nothing more than the dulled colors of the garden in which Nehna had fallen asleep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In front of her, the Fade arranged itself once more to depict her mother in the same garden, cradling Nehna’s mangled body.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t leave me, baby girl. Momma’s got you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother went to work mending the wounds as Nehna drew closer to the misty figure. Words she did not understand fell from her mother’s lips like a prayer, and the spots that were oozing shimmered in gold leaf. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You stupid girl. I warned you. I tried to protect you. Why do you never listen?” Water flowed from her fingertips to cool the burns, earning a whimper from the younger girl. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The older Nehna collapsed to her knees beside the reflection of her mother. This was something of which she had no recollection. Eludysia had actually referred to herself as Momma. She was crying as she clutched the body clinging to life. Never before had she seen Eludysia cry. It was an act to be done in private. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While Nehna could not recall this memory, she had an idea of when it must’ve happened. It was something that still haunted her as the events led to the death of her mother. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was the time in which she had talked back to a slave driver, tossing her pick-axe to the ground. The scene juxtaposed itself with the grass beneath their feet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A young and foolish girl stood defiantly in front of a faceless, looming figure as the rest of the children looked on in shock and fear. She, too, knew what was about to happen. It was a tale as old as the Elvhen empire. Nehna could still feel the heat from the whip as it raised in the air. Its crack, a warning shot to get back to work. Still, the child refused to yield, questioning why children worked in mines instead of the slave drivers themselves. They were already there, weren’t they? The least they could do was help. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The fiery whip came down hard, searing through cotton and flesh alike. The slave driver ordered the kids back to work. Some listened, afraid of meeting the same fate, others feigned at working, while still looking on over their shoulders. The girl still stood tall. Though tears threatened to fall, the teenager willed them back as she clenched her jaw. “Isn’t swinging that thing as much effort as swinging an axe?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Despite the terribleness of it all, Nehna couldn’t help but laugh at the boldness she possessed, even as a child. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once more, the whip came down. Whether it was the body remembering the experience or the Fade manifesting it, the sickening smell of charred flesh seemed to seep through the ground until it filled the entire garden with the rotten stench. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This time, the teen stumbled but refused to fall. Defiance was woven into her very being, and it was reflected in the glint in her eyes as she smirked at the faceless man. “Is this seriously how you serve Elvhenan? Does it make you feel mighty to lord over the helpless?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The third crack of the whip caused the younger Nehna to falter to her knees. The laughter that came from her broke Nehna’s heart. It was to cover a cry of pain through cackling- the slow breakdown that was being held back through humor so as not to show weakness. Crying was not allowed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rage swelled in the pit of Nehna’s stomach as she watched the beating. Even as the younger Nehna grew quiet and still, lashes continued to rain down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Having seen enough, Nehna cried out to no one in particular, “Stop it! Why are you showing me this?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The scene beneath their feet dissolved, leaving only the depiction of Eludysia attempting in vain to save her daughter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna felt sick to her stomach as a range of emotions swelled inside. A violent storm formed overhead, and it was unclear to Nehna if this was part of the memory or if it had manifested from her feelings. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dirthamen, shimmering and ethereal, strode into the garden, his cloak blowing in the wind. Eludysia refused to tear her eyes away from her child as tears fell freely now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She certainly is a stubborn one,” came his voice, ringing out crystal clear over the sound of the rain. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You promised no harm would come to her,” Eludysia’s voice was low and almost emotionless were it not for the cracking at the end. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come now, Eludysia, you know I could never make such a promise.” He knelt down beside Eludysia and placed a hand on her shoulder- an empty gesture of comfort. “I said I would do my best, but should she step out of line, my hands are tied. Imagine the uproar it would cause if I was seen favoring her over the others. I can’t change the way things are handled. She indirectly challenged my authority, and so she must face the consequences.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was met with silence. Eludysia shrugged off his hand and glared down at her daughter’s body. The silence felt as though it stretched on for eternity until the child began to seize. Nehna saw the desperation in her mother’s eyes as Eludysia turned to Dirthamen.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sir, please. I can’t lose her. Tell me, what can I do? I’ll do anything, just save my daughter.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The furrowed brow made it seem as though Dirthamen was about to rebuke Eludysia, and Nehna waited for the inevitable- except, his expression softened and he nodded.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There is something I can do, but it is rather drastic, and I would prefer to avoid such measures, as it would cost you your life, and you, my dear, are much more valuable than Nehna…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother finally turned to look up at him. “Do it, I don’t care-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You are not in any position to tell me what to do, Eludysia,” he warned, cutting her plea off. This was no time to forget power roles. Insubordination was never tolerated.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My deepest apologies, Sir, we just don’t have much time. I’ve taught her everything I know. You wouldn’t lose my talent. I’ve passed it on to her. Just please, Sir. She is just a child!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The memory ended abruptly as realization hit Nehna. She caused her mother’s death. It couldn’t be true…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And yet, something told her it was. Nehna recalled waking up to a room of her fellow slaves, all of them avoiding her gaze as she asked where Eludysia was. It was one of the elders that broke the silence to inform her that Eludysia had passed away, but no one dared to tell her why.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She wasn’t sure how this reality worked or why it chose that particular memory, but she wanted out. As she forced herself to look up from the ground, she realized the wisps that were once bouncing around had taken on a more sinister shape. All around her, perverted versions of the Spirits she knew closed in. Fear, Rage, and Despair drew nearer in droves, drawn to the very emotions present in both the memory and the dreamer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna clutched at Eludysia’s blade as the ominous figures closed in around her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stay back! There is nothing for you here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She wasn’t entirely sure what she should do in this particular situation. Physical beings in her reality could bleed. Did spirits have an equivalent? How could you fight something that was both there and not? Would her blade have any effect, or would it just float through the beings just as her hand had done when she reached out to her mother. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her words did nothing to deter the advancing numbers, which grew by the second.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Damn Solas for showing her this place. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With what little skill she possessed, she drew forth a blast of fire to create a barrier between them. While most were deterred and waited for the flames to die out, Rage carried on through the flames. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s right, burn it down,” it hissed as it multiplied. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna tried to back up, only to reach the wall of the courtyard. She was boxed in. Any exit that might have existed was now blocked by Rage’s many forms.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay to feel it, Nehna,” the voices spoke as one. “Solas abandoned you, leaving you with little control over your magic and this place. You trusted the wrong person and he broke his promise of helping you. What kind of person turns his back on suffering? Why should they get to be free when you do all the work?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The thoughts that she refused to voice before were hurled at her, igniting the anger she had been trying to repress with alcohol. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop it!” Nehna lashed out with lightning, that arched around the semi-circle, hitting each of Rage’s figures, causing a few to stumble. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know this to be true: not one of the free elves deserves the riches they derive from the blood, sweat, and tears of slaves. How many had to die because they dared to question authority?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The faces of those she lost flashed across the sky above her in an attempt to elicit some response from her as Rage loomed over her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you not wish to avenge your kin? Your mother?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do not bring her into this!” Defiance spoke from within her as her heart hardened against Rage’s enticements. Snow formed around Nehna and swirled violently, lashing out and striking at the shrinking Rage. As Rage fell back, Pride sauntered in and lashed out with its claws, shrieking as it cut across Nehna’s body.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s deep voice rumbled, shaking the ground as the being spoke, “You knew not to trust anyone, and you tried to. Look where that got you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She collapsed to the ground, but not before sending out vines in an attempt to reign in the form.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Leave me alone!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her hands covered her ears as the vines whipped about to hold back the hoard that threatened its commander. As each vine was chopped down, Nehna felt a wave of pain crash over her body. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The hoard drew closer, lured in by the promise of a feast, only to stop dead in their tracks at the roar that drowned out the storm that clamoured around Nehna’s shaking body. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Nehna squinted through the tempest that surrounded her, she saw a giant wolf standing between her and the hoard. Its mouth formed a snarl as its six eyes almost seemed to glare at those threatening her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Envy was the first to lash out at the creature. Its disgusting form lunged at the wolf, only to be easily cast aside by a swipe of the paw. The wolf looked back at Nehna in urgency, as if to tell her to climb on to its back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She made an attempt to move, only to stumble back to her knees- her body had no more strength left. She drained it all in an attempt to fight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sensing this, the Wolf drew her in with its tail and scooped her up in its mouth, taking care not to bite down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In one fell swoop, they cleared the wall, making their way through the labyrinth of halls until they were free of the palace walls. The wolf slowed its pace to a trot until they reached a nearby river, where she was gingerly placed down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The serenity of this place was jarring. One moment, she was fighting against her own primal urges, and the next, she was laying on a soft bed of grass beside a flowing river. Despite being out of immediate danger, her body refused to relax.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You are safe now, Nehna.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A wave of frustration washed over her as she heard </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> voice. With what little strength remained, she pushed herself up to a seated position and let her bare feet dangle in the river in hopes that it would soothe her soul. She didn’t need to look to know Solas was there where the wolf had been. Nehna had known since she looked into those six eyes that wore the same expression with which he had last left her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It took you long enough,” she muttered as she cupped her hands to splash some water on the open wounds. All Nehna could feel was numbness. Her mind had stepped in to protect her from falling into a state in which she feared she’d never return. The darkness that constantly loomed in the horizon of her mind was at bay for the time being. “How much did you see?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I only saw you stand off against the hoard.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was a lie, but Nehna lost all interest in fighting. It would be put off for another time- a time when she finished processing all that she saw. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas took a seat beside Nehna and offered, “I can heal your wounds, if you would permit me to do so.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shrugging, she swung her legs around so she was sitting cross legged across from him. There would be no arguing this time, and she welcomed the warmth of the magic that enveloped her as darkness soon followed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I apologize for the delay in publishing this chapter! I really struggled with it, but ultimately decided to leave it as it is now. The Fade is a fascinating place, and I thought it would be the perfect setting to give more background information on Nehna. Thank you so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Solas tries to help Nehna manage her magic wisely, only to realize she is wrestling with a problem he had not expected.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I apologize so much for the delay and brevity in this chapter! I recently moved, and it has been hectic! Here's a nice interlude before we get into deeper waters!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Why’d it take you so long to come back?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna refused to look Solas in the eye as she focused her mind and drew mana from within. As she released the breath she was holding, a ward formed, just as Solas had said it would.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think it so unreasonable for one, such as myself, to take time to process the life-altering event of discovering the deep, seedy underbelly of Elvhenan and coming to terms with my complicit involvement in such horrors?” Solas moved to inspect the ward placed on the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have the luxury of time,” she spat back. The ward flickered a bit before regaining its strength once more. Nehna reined in her temper. She needed to be patient to gain his support, and if she was honest with herself, the trip down memory lane in the Fade reminded her of the consequences her words held. She needed more tact in how she approached situations that required diplomacy rather than forcefulness or the other extreme. There was a time and place for such anger, and this was certainly not the time. Nor, given the spirits that had been drawn earlier, the place.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As if he sensed the struggle going on internally, Solas placed a comforting hand on Nehna’s shoulder, and, in a rare moment of sincerity, said, “I do appreciate your patience. I pride myself on being a quick learner. I understand that I will never truly understand your position, but I will do my best not to trouble you as I have in the past.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna blinked a few times, unsure if she was so sleep deprived after their meeting in the Fade that she was imagining such a response from him. “Who are you, and what have you done with Solas?” She teased. It was the only way in which she could put her mind at ease. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas chuckled at the joke, but that was the only response she received before he turned to address her work. “You have cast a decent enough silencing ward, but it could use some improvement. Tell me, Nehna, what could you have done better?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And just like that, the Solas she knew was back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sighing, she shifted her weight uneasily as she resigned herself to play along. “I need to keep my emotions in check so I can channel the proper focus and energy into the spell.” The answer was almost an automated response- one that rang with boredom and monotony. She paused, and couldn’t help herself from launching into a rant, “But damn it, Solas, I’m not made of stone! I can’t just cut myself off from emotion like-” she stopped herself from hurling another insult his way. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it. You’re being kind enough to help. I’m just-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Frustrated,” Solas finished her sentence for her with a slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Yes, that is quite apparent.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even the simplest of spells drained her. Each time Nehna cast, flashbacks of every moment in the Fade came to mind and threatened her sanity. It was difficult enough keeping her temper in check around Solas. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She wanted to rip into him for not communicating with her; for not helping to prepare her for what she might encounter in the Fade; for reinforcing- however briefly- the idea that the enslaved could rely on no one but themselves. Once more, she reminded herself to direct her anger at those deserving of it, rather than someone who had returned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna needed to remember that the plight of the enslaved was one of Elvhenan’s best kept secrets. Solas couldn’t be held responsible for the horrors the Evanuris made them endure. While their reality was made very clear from a young age as enslaved children, those that enjoyed freedom had never seen nor endured the hardships of slavery. Everything they did for those who were free was simply accepted and not questioned- at least until the truth was forced on someone who’d been blind. The world he knew was just shattered just as her understanding of what her mother sacrificed made Nehna feel like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I find meditation helps in gaining awareness and control,” Solas interrupted her thoughts. “Have you any experience with such an activity?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna scoffed and raised an eyebrow as she spread her arms out wide, “Ah, yes, with all the free time I have, I am practically a master of it.” Her hands came to rest on her hips. “Did you really expect me to have such experiences?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not all meditation requires complete stillness. Are you not at peace when you tend to the garden?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna rubbed her arm, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of being right. “Only when there’s not someone there that gives me grief over sharing a pomegranate,” she teased. She could let him be right, but not without some form of retort. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He smirked and nodded, “I’ll take that as you concede my point,” he walked over to the dresser and pulled out a blanket. As he spread it over the floor, he motioned for Nehna to seat herself. “Seeing as there is time, I believe it would be most beneficial to use it to help you learn how to access a state of mindfulness.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna couldn’t help but roll her eyes, but she nevertheless did as she was told. Solas took a seat beside her, his legs crossed and back straight. She did her best to copy his pose. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Close your eyes and focus your mind on your breathing,” he instructed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She reluctantly closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. Already, her shoulders began to creep up to her ears. As she released the breath, she tried to force her shoulders back down, and yet with each subsequent inhale and exhale, her work to keep her shoulders relaxed unravelled. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, instead of focusing on relaxing her shoulders only to end up more annoyed and frustrated than she had been prior to the practice, she turned her attention to counting each inhale and exhale.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>One… Two… Three… Four… Pause.... Out… Two… Three… Four… Pause and repeat. She found the counting helpful. It gave her anxious and restless mind something to focus on doing. It had a rhythm that held her concentration, if only for a moment. Then, as untrained minds are prone to do, it began to wander. First, it moved to the buzzing in her lower foot as it began to fall asleep. The invisible ants worked their way up her leg. Nehna shifted uncomfortably and sighed upon finding a better position. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She repeated the counting once more. One… two… three… four… pause… out… two… three… four…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This time, she felt the urge to shift her weight around- still not happy or comfortable with the spot she found herself in. The sigh from Solas only served as background noise; one which she chose to ignore as her mind, restless as ever, changed its focus. Suddenly, she was back reliving the memories in the Fade.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her mother, pleading with Dirthamen to spare Nehna’s life out of love only a mother could possess. The type of love she learned never to fall into, because a pure, full love of someone or something always ended in tragedy. Life was too short and unpredictable. To love fully was to risk your own sanity. Sooner or later, you’d be left with nothing but emptiness that echoed its cry where the heart once was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No, it was far better to love only a little bit, so that when the time came to lose a loved one, you weren’t left in pieces. Maybe, you’d have a bit left over to give someone else. Afterall, it was far easier to mend a crack than to piece together an entire heart. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was something all those who were enslaved knew- at least, that’s what Nehna had come to believe until now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All enslaved mothers knew not to get attached to those they breathed life into. It was only a matter of time before they’d be torn from motherly arms and sold to the highest bidder- if they even made it that far. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Death was all too familiar to the enslaved. Most knew Its first name, but out of superstition and respect stuck to Its proper titles. Starvation, Dehydration, Hanging, Murder- all fell under Death’s name, and those that stuck around long enough welcomed It with open arms. Anything was better than living a life of slavery. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Which is what confused Nehna the most: Would it have been the ultimate act of love to welcome Nehna’s death? To allow her to greet it without any fuss? Was it out of love that her life was spared, or was it an easy way out for Eludysia? Would her mother seize the opportunity for freedom over sparing Nehna from a lifetime of servitude?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas’s voice cut through her thoughts and was quickly followed by the smell of burning. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna’s eyes snapped open to see her flower arrangement burning- only for a moment until Solas extinguished the flames. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I must admit, I had yet to encounter someone in which meditation elicited such a response,” The smile in his eyes faded as he saw her face. All hopes of making the situation lighter with a joke vanished as he registered the look of pain in her eyes. The way her mouth was pulled into a straight line- the slight crease in her brow accompanied with the flaring of nostrils: all of which he was beginning to understand were warning signs. Warning what? He wasn’t sure this time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna,” her name fell hesitantly from his lips. Solas was unsure how to proceed. One wrong step, and she would shut down completely- that much he knew. He needed to carefully choose his words. He understood that now, after seeing a glimpse of the complex power imbalance between their two stations. Pushing would only meet resistance. “I- If you wish to voice your internal struggle, I am here, ready to listen. If you would rather not share, that is perfectly acceptable as well.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The moment of silence felt as though it stretched on for an eternity as he waited patiently for her answer. He watched on as amber eyes, like darkened pools of honey, remained transfixed on the ashes of her flowers, as if she could will something dead back to life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You saw the reflections or whatever they were that the Fade showed me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The finality in that sentence let Solas know it was not a question. She had figured out he had been lurking that night. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have my sincerest apologies for such an intrusion- I meant to make my presence-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was cut off as she held up her hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am not requesting an apology, Solas. What’s done is done, and I wish not to relive such an invasion of privacy.” Her voice lacked any emotion, although Solas could see the effort it took to produce such a tone, especially with the weight behind those words. “Tell me your interpretation of my mother.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He felt his own brow furrow at the question. What would prompt her to seek out his own opinion, especially considering their short and rocky history?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It soon dawned on him, however, that the particular memory she must’ve been struggling with was the last one depicted. Given what little he knew about slave life, he could only take a guess that she had no idea about the actions her mother had taken to keep Nehna alive- that Nehna had the blood of her own mother on her hands.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I saw a brave woman who was the very embodiment of a mother’s love; who would trade her own life to ensure the life of her daughter.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The harsh laugh his response received caught him off guard for a moment. It wasn’t until he recalled what had been discussed in an earlier memory: Mother-daughter relationships, and even the familial unit, was non-existent for slaves. They were denied that most basic tie to humanity. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Another layer of complexity colored that final memory as Solas began to understand the source of her struggle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that what you saw?” The curt reply conveyed what her carefully constructed mask hid: bitterness. Anger. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed and tried to maintain his composure. “I believe we are coming from two separate understandings of reality. Why don’t you tell me what is so troubling with my view of your mother’s actions?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas hadn’t intended for his response to come out so cool and devoid of emotion, but it seemed to draw Nehna a little bit away from shutting down entirely. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We slaves,” the word rolled off her tongue with a hiss of self-mockery, “aren’t afforded the luxury of love. We learn it is best to love only a little, because death is constantly licking at our heels. We protect ourselves from such hurt, and we are supposed to welcome death, because it is supposedly the only chance of emancipation.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You sound as though you don’t view death in the same light.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re damn right I don’t!” The passion she normally possessed seemed to return. “I refuse to accept that death is the only way to freedom. That’s some horseshit packaged and fed to us by slave drivers and the Evanuris so that we don’t take emancipation into our own hands.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna’s face grew a deep shade of red as she clamped her mouth shut, realizing she was saying too much. In a much quieter, more apologetic voice, she added, “Please don't tell anyone I believe that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The slump in Nehna’s shoulders told him all he needed to know, and realization dawned on him. The anger from which she cast fire came from the uncertainty of the intention of her mother: was it a selfless act or a selfish one?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I see…” he sat there, hands clasped as he searched for any words that might help. And while he was a prideful man, he was not a foolish one. He was not a wordsmith, nor was he skilled at genuinely dealing with others’ emotions when he wasn’t searching for a way to gain the upper hand. What he did know, however, is how he would look at the situation, and perhaps that might offer some peace of mind. “May I offer some thoughts on the matter?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He waited for her to nod before continuing, Solas mirrored her smile. It was an olive branch he accepted willingly, knowing that he had just gained a bit of her trust- something, he was certain, few outsiders had managed to do. “I find nothing revolutionary in that statement. Only those that fail to understand would label me as such.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna gave him a soft punch to the arm, “Okay, don’t push the kiss-ass play. I get it, you’re trying. Just,” she shrugged and laughed as she rose to her feet, “be a little more subtle about it. Otherwise, you’re just trying too hard, and nobody finds that endearing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I believe attempting to sort out her motive is a fruitless endeavor.” Solas paused, expecting some push-back from Nehna but found none. “The outcome remains unchanged. Rather than find her meaning, make it your own. You live and continue to fight- that is no small feat from what I have come to understand. If I were you, I would use my second chance as a gift and strive towards making my visions a reality. It is far better than being thrown off course, wondering and longing for answers you will never receive.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was greeted again with silence as Nehna took in what he said. For a moment, he expected her to storm out, and that would be the end of it. Instead, she surprised him by cracking a sly smile. “Careful now, Solas. Words like that will get you labeled as a revolutionary rebel, or something of the sorts.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
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</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The stadium air was heavy and thick with the summer humidity that served as a prelude to an afternoon thunderstorm. While no lightning had struck, the electricity from the crowd made the hairs on Nehna’s arms stand up as she parried what would’ve been another crushing blow. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her opponent, Andruil’s Champion- or as Nehna knew him, Varhon- was everything she had prepared for and more. The pair were skillful as they were ruthless, moving about the arena and trading blow for blow whenever one chose to close the distance. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna had drawn first blood, but it was not without sacrifice. As the fight continued on, the small gash she received to the thigh began to stretch and widen. The muscles supporting her light movements strained and grew weaker with each exchange. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Still, she refused to give up or give in. Nehna quickly wiped the blood and sweat from her brow as she maneuvered herself away from the edge of the arena. She’d fight with her back against the wall it was needed, but with Varhon, it was best to be a moving target. Make it difficult for him to find his mark and distance. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The cheers the pair received were deafening. To Nehna, it was almost as oppressive as the heat. Varhon and she were the supposed lower echelons of society, but to take amusement in a potential fight to the death? It made her blood boil to think they believed themselves moral and just. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Focus, Nehna reminded herself as she sidestepped a thrusting blow to counter with an overhead slice of her own. Just as her blade was about to connect with the meat of the shoulder, her opponent swiftly blocked the shot, shattering the blade she had inherited from her mother as one unstoppable force met another. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The moment of both surprise and despair allowed Varhon to knock Nehna off balance. A move that was quickly followed by a slice to her side, and had she not used the momentum of her fall to twist, she might’ve suffered a fatal blow. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd fell silent, anticipating the beginning of the end for the up-and-coming fighter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pair circled the center, neither breaking eye-contact, even as they feigned an attempt to close the distance. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Where panic would’ve set in for most people, facing an armed opponent with nothing more than their fists, Nehna kept her cool. The carefully constructed mask she wore, while sweaty and covered with blood, would not betray her quickening heartbeat as she formulated a plan of attack. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can yield. No one would fault you for such an action,” came Varhon’s voice, meant to weaken her resolve. Instead, Nenha smiled as she readied herself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You seem so certain of your victory, Varhon,” they continued to circle as the crowd grew restless for blood. “But you’ve seemed to forget the old adage: Pride cometh before the fall.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She launched into action, fanning a kick out around her, dragging her foot along the dirt to create a stifling and blinding cloud of dust in her opponent’s direction. Using this distraction, Nehna lunged in, dodging the wild swings before landing a hook to his jaw and following with a stiff kick to the liver. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Varhon keeled over, she aimed another kick to the hand that held his sword. A sickening crunch and the agonizing yelp as metal dropped to the ground brought a smile to her face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There would be no playing around; no spectacle for the crowd’s enjoyment this time. Nehna kicked the sword out of reach before flying into her next attack, taking the fight to the ground. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A quick scramble ensued as Varhon tried to get back to his feet, only to be swept back down, leaving the opportunity for Nehna to take his back. Before he and the crowd could follow her movements, Varhon was being choked out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yield,” she commanded, knowing both that he feared death and she didn’t want to kill. Varhon reluctantly tapped and gasped for air as he was released. Nehna rose to her feet as she was met with a mixed reception to her victory. Those that desired blood booed and urged either fighter to kill, but the fight was over. Arianaya and the other medics were rushed onto the field. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The adrenaline coursing through Nehna’s veins numbed the physical pain and staved off exhaustion, but it did nothing to lessen the sadness she felt as she knelt down to pick up what remained of her mother’s blade.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t matter that she had won this time without giving those savages the death of a person they viewed as a commodity. The blood of another slave would not be on her hands. While those were victories, it paled to losing the last physical possession and connection to her mother. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tears prickled, wanting to fall, but Nehna refused to cry. Not on the battlefield. There would be time later to mourn what was lost. She felt the hand of Arianaya on her shoulder and knew it was time to leave so that the next battle could commence. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With the help of her friend, Nehna hobbled off the blood-soaked field, cradling what remained of her mother’s weapon in one hand while Arianaya propped her up with the other. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They continued in silence to the fighters’ barracks. Arianaya knew not to say a word at the moment. She would wait for Nehna to break the silence. Judging by the furrow in her brow, Arianaya figured she was wrestling with something in her head. It was best to let her be. Past experience taught her never to draw Nehna out of her shell until she was ready. So silence acted as a blanket around them as they wound down the spiral staircase to the shared infirmary, where Arianaya could work on healing the external wounds. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She helped Nehna out of her armor. No matter how many times they went through this routine, Arianaya was always startled by the state of Nehna’s back. Roots, Nehna called them, stretched across her back- across the muscles and bones. Each were a reminder of the dark history of Elvhenan’s success. Entire cities were built on their own backs, and while Nehna never discussed it much with her, the scars that marred Nehna’s back were enough to show how much she had suffered at the hands of Dirthamen. Ever since they were children, Nehna had always been outspoken, earning the wrath of their owners. Arianaya was the quiet one, careful not to rock the boat too much lest she meet the same fate as Nehna. It was a trait that protected her from unnecessary harm, though she had scars of her own. They were inevitable. Work too slowly, you get whipped. Bring the wrong food or drink, you get burned. And while Arianaya tried not to make waves, she was grateful to have Nehna at her side, protecting her and taking most of the heat for the trouble they would get into- theirs was a close relationship. While they were not blood related, they were sisters. Two opposites that complimented each other: one, outspoken and fiery; the other, meek and calm. They needed each other like fire needed oxygen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, as was always the case, Arianaya began tending to the gashes on Nehna’s side. While Nehna stared at the remnants of the blade, her friend guided her movements so that she could work more efficiently, like a mother helping a child into their clothes. The sticky paste at the tip of her fingers cooled the irritated skin and numbed the affected area so that Arianaya could stitch Nehna back up. With steady hands, she worked the needle into the already scarred flesh, and for once, Nehna gave no protest or yelp of pain. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That was the only thing I had left of her,” Nehna’s voice was barely audible, and Arianaya was uncertain whether she said anything or not, at least until she saw the tears in her friend’s eyes. She needn’t elaborate. The broken dagger was enough to key Arianaya in on what was troubling Nehna. “It was all I had, and it’s gone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya tied off the sutures and began to clean up the rest of the wounds that didn’t require stitching. “You have memories, don’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was met with a glare. “Memories are complicated, and it’s not how I want to remember her.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya couldn’t help but laugh. What wasn’t complicated when they lived as slaves. Complicated was an everyday experience. “You can’t simply erase memories. The more you try, the more they will haunt you, Nehna.” She grabbed her arm and lead her to the baths. The water had cooled by now, but it was for the best. Colder water helped the muscles recover, though she was certain Nehna wouldn’t appreciate that fact. As she brought Nehna into the water, she continued her musings, “Memories don’t just exist in your mind, Nehna. They are connected to places. Try as you might to forget, you can never get rid of the spaces in which the memories occurred. So long as the physical place remains, the memory- not the one you hold in your mind, but the one inextricably connected to the emotions and events of the past- will always remain.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Now you’re sounding like Solas,” Nehna muttered before fully submerging herself into the water.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The celebration was already in full swing when Nehna emerged from the barracks, dressed in the red and gold off-shoulder dress Dirthamen had picked out for her. It was simpler than most of the outfits she was forced to wear for these occasions, probably so as not to distract from the Council meeting that would be taking place in a few hours once the festivities came to a close.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dirthamen had been waiting for her outside of the arena, surrounded by his usual cohort of those wishing to gain his favor. As she emerged, he drew her in close with an arm around her waist without breaking his current conversation. While the act itself held no meaning, Nehna still received glares from the men and women wishing they could take her place. She stifled the bubbling rage at their ignorance. They wouldn’t last a day in her position. Everything came at a cost.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Still, she was a guest of Dirthamen, and she had a part to play. So, she smiled through her teeth and played the role of the faithful servant.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As they wandered closer to the festivities, the scent of cooked meats made Nehna’s mouth water. It had been too long since she had a decent meal. It was one of the benefits of being Dirthamen’s champion. Chatter and music mixed together in a cacophony of sounds that made it hard to hear any of the conversation, and yet Nehna would smile and laugh as though their companions had just said something amusing. There was no mistaking her place. She needn’t hear a word. She was merely there to be paraded around and to make others feel better. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dirthamen’s hand remained on her hip, holding her close as he greeted those that came up to congratulate them. Each step she took was measured by Dirthamen. She had no choice in where she went tonight, he had made that much clear based on how close he was keeping her. The hand that made circles on the small of her back did anything but put her at ease. She wanted to push him away and join her friends at their own celebration. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll need to work harder than that, my little champion,” Dirthamen whispered in her ear, as if he sensed her unease. “We have a very long night ahead of us. Won’t you give me a genuine smile? Don’t you like the dress?” Icy blue eyes appraised her appearance and made Nehna feel like a piece of meat. “I thought you’d like the flowers. They came from the garden, and I had them fashioned into gold pieces to celebrate your victory.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His fingertip traced each golden flower with care. The gold flowers draped across her shoulders, as the red fabric, braided into the flowers hugged her frame until it reached her waist where it mixed with a similarly fitted gold skirt. Nehna steeled herself as her hand flew up to his and intertwined their fingers- anything to get him to stop touching her like that. “You had such faith that I would win?” She asked, a smirk teasing at her lips as she tried her best to please him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“As your mother promised, you are a Champion. You have no other choice,” he reminded her of her place without directly putting her down in front of the crowd. Had she not been in this position for a while, her heart would have faltered. “Now, do you like the dress?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, it is lovely,” she replied as she straightened out the golden silk fabric of the skirt. Nehna didn’t mention her disdain for those that ruined living plants simply for adornments sake. Flowers were meant to grow and thrive. Even in the arrangements she made for Dirthamen’s palace, she made sure not to cut the roots of the flowers. That way, she could revive and replant them after their “use” was done. “I appreciate the thought behind the flowers.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pair walked up the marbled stairs, passing crystal spires that disappeared into the orange and pink clouds above. The grandeur of such a place was not lost on Nehna. Arlathan was a beautiful city, even if it was a place that held centuries of sorrow from the hands that carved each tower.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“One cannot deny the beauty of this place,” Dirthamen commented, noticing where her attention remained despite the extravagant activities and performances going on around them. Fire-breathers, contortionists, musicians- no expense was spared for festivities that heralded the beginning of the Council of Evanuris. “To think each structure here was handmade and carved without the help of magic. It is the pride of Elvhenan. There’s no other empire in the world that rivals Elvhen craftsmanship.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>To humor him, Nehna carried on the conversation, feigning ignorance of it all despite knowing that wasn’t entirely true. “It is remarkably beautiful. How did they get the spires to fly in the air without magic?” When the words left her mouth, she realized she hadn’t taken into consideration her tone. Were they not surrounded by peers, she was certain she would pay for her bemusement. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see the piercing glare she received. “Well, of course it is suspended in the air with the help of magic, my dear.” His tone dripped in condescension. “The craftsmen would construct the buildings, bridges and streets, and then those that possessed the gift of magic would finish off the task of raising the buildings into the skies.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Both knew that was the fairy-tale told to all children, free and enslaved to erase the accomplishments and absolute power of the enslaved. It was a little known secret, one which Dirthamen and the rest of the Evanuris held close to strip away past identities. It was a tactic to enshrine the current caste system and diminish the true accomplishment of Nehna’s ancestors. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Long before Nehna was brought into the world, slaves still had access to their magic and the Fade. They mastered the various forms of magic as they worked, merging both the Fade and the physical world into great works of art and infrastructure. It wasn’t until the enslaved revolted that the Evanuris realized the danger of subjugating those of equal power to areas that would only increase their skills. After a long and bloody battle in the very streets of Arlathan, the Evanuris decided to strip the enslaved of their powers and sever the connection to the Fade.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Each building they passed, Nehna could feel the despair as the revolution died. The faces of those that died reflected in the very buildings that were made to represent prosperity and harmony, and Nehna wondered if Dirthamen could see it too. Given his refusal to look at the spires, even as they were cast in fiery hues from the magnificent sunset overhead, told her he did. Maybe, the fact he had restored a small bit of her connection to the Fade was in part due to a guilty conscience disguised as a desire for success in the Games.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They reached the palace, where most of the people from the stadium gathered to continue drinking. Some used these opportunities as ways to climb the social ladder and gain favor with those of higher status; others just wanted to enjoy the drunken debauchery that was sure to follow once the Evanuris left to convene the Council.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As usual, Dirthamen paraded Nehna around, introducing his prized possession to those in the room. It was a reminder, not only to her, but to those that wished to buy her time, that Nehna ultimately belonged to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tonight, however, had a different feel to it. His grip around her waist was tighter, and instead of the usual jovial tone he had for these social occasions, which he used to try and push her services in hopes of revealing new secrets to exploit, it was the haughty tone he used whenever he spoke to someone he deemed beneath him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Unease entered her mind. Tonight, the atmosphere here was different. It was slight, and if she wasn’t used to having to read the room in order to survive, she wouldn’t have picked up on it. More guards were posted around. A few of the spies were disguised as servants handing out food and drink. Those that would be in attendance of the Council to follow had faults in the masks that showed the tension in their stances, even as they wore smiles. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tides must be changing and threatening their way of life. That’s what the Council must’ve been called to address, and Nehna wasn’t sure what any of it would mean for those enslaved. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As she and Dirthamen made their way through the great hall, Nehna’s eyes fell upon a familiar face, laughing and dancing with a beautiful woman. As she drew her lips together, trying to maintain her own mask, Dirthamen picked up on her slight disappointment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Isn’t that the man who paid a fortune for you?” He jeered, a smirk tugging at his lips as he lifted her chin so they were both looking at each other. “Oh, my dear girl, don’t you know a man never pays for a woman he is actually interested in.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna laughed, trying to downplay his words, both to him and to herself. There was certainly no reason she should feel disappointed. They weren’t even friends. He was just lending her a hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna mirrored Dirtamen’s cool, condescending look as she replied, “I was under no pretense he cared for me in any other way. He is merely someone to use as a means to an end.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was no hint of a lie in that statement. That’s why she had originally sought him out in the garden. The fact he had surprised her in his willingness to learn and help did not change that. In the end, she wanted a successful revolution; one which would secure her freedom to leave Elvhenan and never return. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A moment passed between the two as Dirthamen studied her face before adding, “Be careful with that one, Nehna. He is as slimy as he is smooth. Don’t let your pride ruin that which you seek. Even I can’t protect you in the event you have placed your trust in the wrong person.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Whiplash was the only way to describe how his words made her feel. Her eyes narrowed as the world around her fell away. Was that actual concern for her own well-being? Sure, he didn’t interfere in her efforts, but he certainly didn’t support her much outside of restoring bits of her magic. She just imagined that was due to the fact he ultimately benefited from her having magic. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you doubt me?” she asked, raising an eyebrow as she lowered her voice, “Have I not shown I can handle myself- that I will do whatever is necessary to achieve my goals. Some man will not prevent me from that.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The small smile that stretched across his face was not one of reassurance, but pity. It was as though he could see the events stretched across time, and hers was not a happy one. However, that would not shake Nehna. No one could claim to know the future, and those that did were fools. Every little action and reaction would have to cause ripples in time. Outcomes would shift. Visions would change. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We shall see, my dear,” Dirthamen cooed as he led her to the center of the room. “Now, dance with me seeing as there is enough time until the Council is summoned.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Following the festival from the previous chapter, Nehna attends a Council meeting only to be thrown out. Due to the length of what I had written, I've split this chapter into two. The next chapter posted will be the second half.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! Sorry for such a delay in updating! Life has been tough, lately, and the last thing on my mind was writing! I plan on updating once a week for the month of November, since its NaNoWriMo! So keep an eye out for that! As always, thank you so much for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The air in the chambers was still, heavy with burning incense and anticipation as one by one the Evanuris and their advisors entered the spacious room. Arranged in a large circle that reflected the shape of the dimly lit room were the respective chairs for each of the leaders, each carved from obsidian and gold to reflect the values treasured by each ruler. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was impossible not to look up as Nehna entered the room. Vaulted ceilings displayed changing images of past triumphs as curious Spirits filled the balconies in the rafters to observe the comings and goings of the curious beings with whom they shared the space. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen took her by the arm and guided her around the room, over to where his own throne was situated with a small stool beside it to accommodate for his scribe- in this instance, Nehna. While it was not entirely clear to her why she would be allowed in this meeting, she did not question Dirthamen’s order. If it made him more comfortable to have her at his side, it’d make her life more comfortable by default. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are to say nothing, Nehna. You are only here to record what is discussed for my own records. Do you understand?” Dirthamen whispered in her ear- a reminder of her own status in this room of free and powerful Elves. It was one that she didn’t need, but the pair knew that. She was reminded as more of a warning. Keep your temper in check and fall in line. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna gave him a curt nod and took her seat at the stool that was much too small for her. It was then that she caught the curious gaze of Solas, who entered the room just behind Mythal. It was clear from his expression that he hadn’t been expecting Nehna to be present for the meeting, as Dirthamen usually had Study at his side for these events.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Followed closely behind Mythal was the great Andruil, linked arm and arm with Ghilan’nain, who whispered into Andruil’s ear secrets- secrets Dirthamen no doubt knew about based on the look he shot the pair as they joined the circle of leaders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>June and Falon’Din proceeded into the chambers, branching off in clockwise and counterclockwise directions towards their own respective thrones, Falon’Din’s being situated beside Dirthamen’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two rulers exchanged pleasantries before Dirthamen motioned for Nehna to join him at his side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Falon’Din, I am quite certain you recognize this exquisite woman here. She truly is a prize to behold. Nehna- show your respects to your betters.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took all of Nehna’s willpower not to spit at the words. Instead, she fell into a deep bow, grasping Falon’Din’s outstretched hand to kiss. The hand, much like his kingdom, was cold to the touch. Perhaps that’s what happens when dealing with the dead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is an honor to share the same space with you and all the other great rulers that make Elvhenan an empire to behold.” Nehna had yet to meet one of the Evanuris that did not enjoy flattery, even if it was uttered through lying teeth. The Game was something those that were enslaved had become quite skilled at. To be otherwise often meant a miserable existence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You put on quite a show. It is impressive to watch you fight,” Falon’Din replied, motioning for her to raise from the bow. “Dirthamen, you brought your Champion to the meeting? How curious…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen chuckled and clapped the man’s shoulder. “Study is off doing important work for me, and while this young woman is certainly no Study, she is adept enough to keep records of what transpires. You remember Eludysia, yes? Nehna was trained by her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the mention of her mother’s name, Nehna tuned the rest of the conversation out, nodding when felt appropriate. Instead, her mind wandered back to her mother’s dagger, resting in back in the baths- its pieces scattered amongst tattered clothes to be forgotten and discarded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother’s death felt complete. She was gone forever; all traces of her lost in time. Soon, her face would fade from Nehna’s memories to become just a shadow. No doubt Falon’Din escorted her spirit to rest, as he did so many others. Nehna wanted to ask him about where all of those souls were taken- ask about her mother as she was ferried away from the land of the living, but this was neither the time nor the place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, she continued to smile- to play the part of a good pet, because, after all, that’s what she was to Dirthamen. She would bide her time, allow the humiliation and degradation to go on until she had everything she needed. It was part of the reason why she was brought to the meeting in the first place. While Dirthamen did not entirely support freedom for the enslaved, he was intrigued to see how Nehna would attempt to bring it about, so he indulged her in secret. Fed her information she would need, allowed her a small bit of access to magic- all of it was a social experiment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take your seats, my friends, our meeting has commenced,” The loud, booming, baritone voice announced over the chatter. Elgar’nan was as large as he was a looming, ominous presence. He commanded the room of the most powerful in Elvhenan with mere words. The room fell silent as all eyes rested on him. The Evanuris moved to take their seats. Even the spirits watching on from the rafters of the grand, ornate room stilled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Before we discuss the matter of the Titans, do we have any updates as to the growing tension with the Others? Dirthamen, if rumors are to be believed, you are close to understanding Anaris’s ability to transform into a dragon?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As was customary it seemed, when one was addressed to speak, one would rise to their feet. Beside Nehna, Dirthamen rose to his feet and answered, but not before glancing down at Nehna to ensure she was taking notes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That is correct. With assistance from Mythal's envoy, Solas, who managed to extract such knowledge from Anaris himself." Dirthamen nodded over to Solas as an additional show of appreciation. "We have the theoretical knowledge of how such a transformation can occur. That, however, is much different from having the actual ability to do so." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And tell me, Dirthamen, do you believe this will be a useful tool to defend our borders from the Titan threat?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Should such a transformation be possible, it would certainly be an advantage. However, there is no saying how long it will take to achieve such a feat."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Elgar'nan turned his attention over to Solas. "Do you agree with Dirthamen's assessment?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas rose as Dirthamen took his seat. "I do, your grace. While having an ability such as this would prove most useful in a battle against a being as large as a Titan, we cannot say if we will have it in an adequate amount of time to successfully defend ourselves from their threat of invasion."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a murmur amongst the occupants in the room that died down as Elgar´nan held up a hand. “It seems this is an opportune time, then, to segway to the matter at hand. Given the nebulous nature of the project being explored by Dirthamen, I have called this meeting to discuss alternatives to handling the beast bearing down and threatening our way of life with violence. I want every avenue explored. We cannot allow our empire to fall as a result of a cross-species war.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas, who had yet to sit back down, nodded and raised a hand to interject. “If I may, before we get into such matters, it appears that one of the servants is in this room and will be privy to such information that directly affects them.” His icy eyes met hers cloaked in steel. The rest of the room turned to glance at Nehna. “Is it not unwise to include her in this discussion? It is a sensitive subject matter after all, and I fear it may cause a disturbance amongst those serving us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His words cut her, even as she had managed to keep her face arranged in such a way to hide her pain and feelings of betrayal. Once again, she felt small under the weight of all the eyes that fell upon her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen spoke up, “Now, Solas, be reasonable. My champion is only here to record what is discussed for my own personal records. She has taken an oath not to breathe a word of this to anyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is most unusual for one of us to bring a servant into these sessions,” Elgar’nan conceded. “There are reasons these doors are closed to the outside world, Dirthamen. We cannot be bending the rules to seek our own personal gains. Not only that, you failed to inform us that this girl would be in attendance. It is you, Dirthamen, who must be reasonable. Servants mean well, but they have loose tongues, and we cannot afford word of this threat to spread any more than it already has. I must ask you to send her out before any other discussions can continue.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen, in a rare moment, actually shot Nehna an apologetic look as two guards came by to escort her out of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>A crash in the kitchen sent Arianaya wheeling around the corner, ready to see what the commotion was all about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There stood Nehna, surrounded by broken glass as her two hands held tight to the table that seemed to be the only thing keeping her upright. Her head hung low, framed by curls that were usually kept in braids as she worked. The dress she had worn to the festival was discarded to the side, leaving her only in her petticoats, already stained with wine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Heavens, Nehna, you startled me,” Arianaya said, laughing to herself as she grabbed a broom and dustpan. “I didn’t expect you back so soon-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That two-faced arrogant, sneaky, lying bastard…” Nehna slammed her fist on the wooden table, wincing- not at the connection between fist and wood, but at what must've been an injury. The bruises were already appearing all over her left side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In an attempt to lighten the mood, Aria joked, “Well, there are quite a few of those around. You will have to be more specific, Nehna.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did not receive the laughter for which she hoped to elicit at the expense of those that were free. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Solas had me removed from the Council, citing fears I might tell the rest of the enslaved what would be discussed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While Nehna would never show it, having become increasingly adept at masking any and all emotions, save for anger, Arianaya could hear the pain in her voice. The tears that would not fall were laced in her words. It had been that way since losing Eludysia. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And I want a drink, but no one has refilled the stocks…" Nehna finally turned to Aria, her fists clenched at her sides. "It seems as though I have to keep everything running. Thank goodness for you, Aria…"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She bent down to help Aria clean up the shards of glass. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was hard seeing her friend crack at the seams. It wasn't very often Nehna did, but when it occurred, Aria hurt for her friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To watch someone who embodied strength and courage waiver in convictions-- she supposed it was normal, especially when you take on a leadership role and plan for revolution. To be considered by Nehna safe enough to show such emotion- it meant a lot. That was trust built over years and years of supporting each other through a world that wanted to devour them whole. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were each others’ life lines, through working in the mines as children- watching those around them wilt away and join the dead things around them- to the loss of Eludysia, in which Nehna drew into herself for a few years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aria recalled the day Nehna seemed to reappear. Nehna had caught Hareas in her greenhouse for the first time. The boy- barely able to walk around on his own- was covered head to toe in dirt and had dredged up some of Nehna’s flowers. Aria thought Nehna would fly into a fit of rage, but instead, a smile tugged at Nehna’s lips for the first time in years. She knelt down beside the boy, laughing and brushing off some of the dirt from his face. “Looks like you enjoy flowers as much as I do, huh, child?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At that age, of course, the boy was unable to speak, but he cooed, glancing up at Nehna with the biggest smile on his face as he offered her a plucked flower. In that moment, Aria could swear the ghosts of the past washed away and were put to rest, finally. The dead should stay dead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That boy was a blessing. They didn’t have much of the luxury to believe in Gods, but if Aria was a praying woman, she would praise whomever placed that child in their lives. He was a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. However, no child could bear that much weight. Adults were responsible for their own problems and solutions. Children could never and should never fix them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But heavens help anyone that kept those two apart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Aria came up with an idea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nehna, why don’t we make some more wine after we’re done cleaning up. We could even get Hareas to help us with it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna nodded, but she seemed worlds away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Would you like me to take a look at your injuries before we do so?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aria was met with a shrug, and then finally, Nehna spoke up, "If you think it'd make a difference." </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Hareas, dear, pass me another bushel- careful now,” Nehna cooed as she tossed aside the branch picked bare, wincing a bit as she did so. Arianaya had done a good job at patching her up, but the pain still lingered, and Nehna wasn’t sure if it was all in her head, or if the pain she felt was still as real as it was when she was on the receiving end of Dirthamen’s temper.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hareas, oblivious to Nehna’s state, as children often are when overwhelmed with excitement, dragged over the sack which housed the precious branches from which the best berries were produced- a sack twice as big as the young boy pulling it over to the woman he looked up to and adored. The weariness in the crease of her brow was simply, to him, was not not a simple weariness, but one which occurred from the years of stories she had to tell, and the concentration it took to record each one with painstaking detail. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What he did take note of was the way in which she was picking the berries this time around. The usual care she took with each bushel- both hands stained with the burgundy juice as they gently separated each individual jewel from its home- was hindered this time around. He knew not to ask. It would only anger Nehna, and he never wanted to be the source of her anger.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So he watched, as her left arm remained cradled inward, as the right hand busied itself with its usual nightly task, hindered only slightly by the unsteadiness of the branch, which would fall out of place- the result of being held loosely between her thighs instead of the sturdy grip of her left hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you going to stand there, or are you going to help Ari and me with this batch?” Nehna didn’t look up from her work. How did she see him without looking at him? He hadn’t realized he had been staring for that long, and his face became flush. Hareas took his seat beside Nehna and took out another bushel. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Miss Nehna-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hareas, we’ve talked about this. We are equals here. There is no need to call me Miss…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you alright?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hareas didn’t miss the look exchanged by Nehna and Arianaya at his question. Something had happened to Nehna. Something was always happening to her, because she stood up for herself and fought for others. It’s what he loved about her. He had no mom. He wasn’t sure what happened to her or why no one talked about her. Had he been born without one? Plucked from the stars and made real? That was the story Nehna told him when he was really little. He was old enough now to know better, and a part of him wished that she was his mother. So that’s what he chose to believe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Hareas,” she replied, looking over at him. Her amber eyes told the truth she was hiding from him, but if she was hiding the truth, she must have her own reasons for it. “I just injured my arm in the last fight. It will heal.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought we aren’t supposed to lie to each other?” The innocence of the sentence halted both Nehna and Arianaya’s busy hands. He was coming into the age of boldness- testing limits, while lacking the awareness of such actions and the results which would follow. Take, for instance, the glare that was bearing down on him and the giggle his simple question produced from Arianaya, who smirked as she waited for Nehna to say something. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did he hurt you again?” Hareas might be young, but he was observant, particularly when it concerned Nehna. While she was much older than him, he wanted to protect her- felt compelled to do so. How could anyone hurt her?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hareas, it is not your place to-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you said we were equals?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna rose to her feet, ready to shout, only to be interrupted by a newcomer. “Am I interrupting something?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The anger directed at him had turned to the man standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a parcel tucked under his arm. Hareas had seen him before- strolling through the gardens with Nehna. He was one of the free elves, and that made him an outsider not to be trusted. Following suit, Hareas glared in his direction. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s none of your business, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fenedhis</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he retorted before Nehna could get in a word.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hareas!” Now, he faced the scorn of both Nehna and Arianaya. Nehna continued to address him, pointing out the door, past the free elf. “Out. Go to bed.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hareas shoved passed Solas in a huff, making sure to shove him with a shoulder as he did so. Nehna rose to her feet to scold him, but he was gone. She knew well enough that he wouldn’t resign himself to his bed. He was in that age where anger and resistance ran through his blood. No doubt, he would seek out his friends and complain over drinks smuggled away from the kitchen, just as Nehna had done at his age. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Gathering what little composure remained, Nehna sat back down and addressed the newcomer in a half-hearted non-apology. “He isn’t usually like that. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The snort her response elicited from Arianaya clued the newcomer into the inner workings of this group. Nehna could not control the young boy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose you have some sympathy for Eludysia?” Arianaya teased, “From what I heard, you were much like him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The glare she received from Nehna didn’t wipe the amused smirk from her face as Nehna then  turned to speak to Solas, “If you have something to discuss, take Hareas’s seat and help us. No point in wasting more time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna’s eyes darted back to her work as she clenched her jaw, as though that would steady her hands and dull the pain. She’d be damned if Solas saw her in pain. The pace with which she plucked the delicate berries slowed considerably.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The creaking of the stool let Nehna know Solas followed her instructions. As she peeked out of the corner of her eye, she saw him busy himself with the tedious work, and the words fell from her lips harsher than she intended. “They’re of no use to us if you squish all the berries before we get the chance to soak them. Be softer-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya took the chance to soften the atmosphere and stand up for the newcomer. “Nehna, he’s probably never had to do this before. Give him some leeway.” She moved to sit beside Solas, earning a glare from Nehna. “You want to pull them off this way,” Arianaya took the tiny stem between her two fingers, and gently pushed against its connection to the berry, causing it to pop off with ease. “It’s a very light touch at that connection point. You don’t actually pull the berry off.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas followed her instructions, smiling when it produced the results for which they were looking. There was an elegant simplicity to doing things by hand- not that he’d trade magic for such things, but it did take a certain amount of skill to create things without the aid of magic. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What is this for?” he inquired, plopping the berries into the basket in front of them and grimacing at the ones he wasted as inexperienced fingers crushed a few as he went along. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wine,” Nehna replied curtly before turning to him. “But you’re not here to discuss mundane things, are you? Why don’t you say what you have to say? Small talk doesn’t suit you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All the warmth in her voice had gone. It was then that he realized how accustomed he’d grown to their burgeoning friendship that when it seemed all familiarity was back out the door, he was longing to restore what they had.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He chuckled, shoving the uncomfortable feeling aside. “No, I suppose you are correct. I came here to apologize for the other day and to explain my actions.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya refused to look at him as Nehna snorted and resumed her task. It was then he noticed the limited movement in her left arm- the grimace that formed every time she forced herself to use it in order to save face in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I merely brought up the point that a servant should not be present for those meetings in which the various security threats to Elvhenan were being discussed-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. I was there for that, you made your stance perfectly clear…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You must know that I merely spoke on such a matter to protect you from any scrutiny. Imagine what would happen if the slaves planned a timely revolt while the Evanuris were distracted. All blame would fall to you, seeing as you are the only one that could’ve possessed such knowledge.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You seem to forget that I know how to handle myself,” her voice was low, a warning growl of an animal about to attack. Her muscles tensed as her jaw clenched. “But I seem to have forgotten that you know what’s best, after all. I mean, it must be that you knew I would receive some sort of repercussion from Dirthamen when one of my so-called clients speaks up. You must have been aware that by speaking up as you did, you expressed displeasure at my actions, past and present, and therefore I deserved whatever punishment Dirthamen thought up, hmm? It’s either that, or you are actually clueless as to the impact of your words in regards to the power dynamic between us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya refused to look at either of them in hopes of fading to the background of such an argument. Nehna had stopped her work, her hands shaking in anger as she continued, “Which then, of course, begs the question: either you are okay with the punishments those of us that are enslaved endure, so long as we remain above suspicion, or you are actually unaware of what we go through and yet still are prideful enough to believe that you know what is best? Either way, it is certainly not a good look and highlights the overall fact that you seem blissfully unaware of- that the people that enslaved us are always suspicious of those they enslave, most of all those they keep closest.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas was at a loss for words as it became apparent that through his attempts to keep Nehna safe from suspicion, he had actually caused her pain. All those good intentions paled upon the realization that her current physical suffering was the result of his misguided actions. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He stopped separating berries and glanced over at Nehna, who kept working to avoid looking at him. Her hands shook- whether out of anger or pain, he was uncertain, but it was still hard to see. His well-meaning intentions seemed to pale in the light of the aftermath of his actions. Thank goodness he had enough foresight to bring a present in an attempt to smooth things over. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As if she sensed his own train of thought, Arianaya asked, “If you don’t mind me asking, what did you bring?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The smallest of smiles tugged at his lips- a sign of gratitude directed at Aria, who was trying to do what she could to smooth out the rift between Nehna and Solas. Why she seemed so invested escaped him, but he was grateful all the same. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It is a present for Nehna- a peace offering as well as an apology for my actions.” He withdrew the package wrapped in emerald green velvet and held it out to Nehna, who looked at him hesitantly. “I pray this, as well as the information I bring will atone for my ill-advised actions at the Council.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, go on, Nehna,” Aria verbally nudged her, “open it! Let us see what is inside! It’s beautifully wrapped. Solas, did you do that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I did indeed,” he replied, glancing over at Aria to momentarily escape the heavy gaze that bore down on him. “Details are often overlooked. Even the wrapping of a gift can convey a message, so I take care to ensure every detail is in line with what is being given. Emerald green carries with it a meaning of peace, growth, and balance. Those are all meant to convey my intentions. Not only that, it is the color of healing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Solas looked back at Nehna, she was staring at the package with a furrowed brow. Her outstretched arm, which he could now see was covered in bruises, shakingly hovered above the gift, as though she was battling with herself on whether or not to accept it. As soon as Nehna saw she was being watched, she withdrew her hand and went back to picking berries. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna…” The sternness with which Aria addressed Nehna took Solas by surprise, but more than that, Nehna actually let her stubbornness give way. With a glare directed at Aria, Nehna snatched the package from Solas and sat back in her seat as she undid the ribbon that kept the packaging together. “I swear, you can be such a child sometimes. You are worse than Hareas.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The cloth gave way to an equally elegant wooden box engraved with gold. Solas couldn’t help but smile as he heard both women swear to themselves. Aria jumped from herself and positioned herself behind Nehna, leaning over her to get a better look. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With hands that still shook, Nehna carefully lifted the top of the box to reveal her mother’s dagger sitting on a red velvet cushion.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Heavens,” Aria whispered as Nehna paused for a moment, staring at the object in disbelief- almost as if her mind was playing a trick on her. It wasn’t until she picked up the dagger that tears began to fall from her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I enlisted the help of both Valor and Study to help me repair it. Arianaya told me how much that dagger meant to you…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna glanced behind at Aria, “You knew he was going to do this?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I mentioned you were upset at its loss, but I would never have expected…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The two were at a loss for words, and Solas waited patiently for them to collect themselves, not only out of courtesy to the pair, but to also gather his own wits about him as he saw the first genuine display of emotion from the woman that had always been so guarded around him. For her to openly cry in front of him… Well, he knew the gift would be emotional, but he never expected for it to bring her to tears, despite Study telling him as much, since the Spirit was particularly close to Nehna. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As quickly as the tears began to fall, they subsided as Nehna gathered herself back together, holding onto the hand that was resting on her shoulder. The other hand placed the dagger back in the box which was then set to the side. Amber eyes, ringed with red from exhaustion and crying, met his as she nodded in appreciation. Solas knew her well enough to take that as the thank you she would never utter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You mentioned you had other matters to discuss,” Nehna said as she picked back up her work. Arianaya returned to her seat and listened in with interest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas followed suit and resumed picking berries as well. “Yes, I wanted to relay some of the information discussed at the Council, particularly as it pertains to the unfortunate situation in which you find yourselves.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I gathered as much. Solas, I am not so naive as to think the enslaved will be on the front lines of the inevitable battle that looms over Elvhenan…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“They already plan to begin enlisting the enslaved to take part in experiments. Ghilan’nain is already experimenting on those she owns, but the others plan to provide her with more subjects and resources.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna stopped what she was doing and looked up in shock. “Experiments? What… what do you mean by experiments?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas hesitated. What was the adage- don’t shoot the messenger? He was uncertain whether Nehna was familiar with such an idea, given her quick temper, but he pressed onwards. “Ghilan’nain is turning to some rather obscure practices. She seems no longer content in creating creatures through her experiments on animals. She seeks to create the ‘perfect fighter’ by branching out into experimenting on elves, and as of this Council, the majority of the leaders seem to support her in such efforts and have pledged to assist in whatever way they can, with the exception of Mythal.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The branches Nehna tended to snapped under the force of her clenching fists as her fiery gaze remained fixated on the ground as she processed the new information. While she would never admit it, it was a good thing she was not present for the rest of the Council. To witness such support of something so horrific would’ve been too much for her. Solas was right to have her removed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aria spoke up as Nehna wrestled to find the right words. “How could such actions be allowed?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas sighed and shook his head. “Fear is one of the better motivators that can bring people to commit unspeakable atrocities, especially when it is fear of losing power-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They are cowards, Aria,” Nehna cut Solas off, no longer able to contain her rage as she jumped to her feet, but not without wincing in pain. “Spineless, manipulative cowards who do anything to remain in control. We shouldn’t be surprised. This isn’t the first time they’ve done horrible things to us, and it will not be the last, unless we act.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna rummaged around the kitchen for something- anything- to drink in order to quell the raging storm inside her chest. “Did Dirthamen…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I suspect you know the answer to that, Nehna.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The walls felt as though they were closing in around her. She was a rat caught in a trap, and she could either sit there or knaw on her own leg to escape. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Both Solas and Aria looked on as Nehna’s breathing and movements became more frantic. “We have yet to find a place to send refugees to… not to mention the damned vallislan… how are we going to be free if that still controls us and blocks us from our magic… and for fucks sake, is there no alcohol in this damned kitchen?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A hand resting on her shoulder stopped her rant, and Nehna turned around to see Solas with a bottle of brandy. “It was out of reach,” he explained, and as Nehna went to grab it, he pulled the bottle away. “Is it wise to drink while being so incensed?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I drink every time I feel like punching things,” Nehna growled. “You be the judge.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“In that case,” he chuckled and passed the bottle to Nehna, who opened it and took a hearty swig, “I hope you plan on sharing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That got the response he hoped for. Both Nehna and Aria laughed, taking heart in the shared feeling of disgust and anxiety that permeated the room, and for a moment, the mood lightened as the bottle was passed around. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna and Solas took their respective seats. The task of berry picking was dropped in favor of drinking as the three took turns drinking while Solas resumed the previous conversation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you are, as I suspect, planning on leading a revolution, the timeframe in which you need to act is certainly restricted. That being said, I would like to offer my assistance. I can no longer idly by in good conscience, especially on top of everything you have shown me, Nehna.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Surprise was no longer the word. In fact, Nehna could come up with no words to describe the way she felt around his offer. It had been a whirlwind, trying to get to this point with him. She had whiplash from the amount of times he seemed to go back and forth with her, and vice-versa. She certainly hadn’t made it easy for him, and yet here he was, committing himself to the cause. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna had achieved the milestone she set out for, and a slight weight was lifted off of her shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, we will take all the help we can get,” Nehna managed to say. “I really appreciate it, Solas. We all do.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So what is next?” Arianaya asked as tears streamed down her face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna gave her a cunning smile, “We come up with a plan and call a meeting.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The trio discussed how next to proceed until the bushels of berries were plucked and soaking in the barrel, ready to be pressed and strained into wine. Nehna sent Arianaya off to bed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll clean up,” she said, “go on to bed. I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She expected Solas to leave at that point, but he stayed to help, much to Nehna’s surprise. It was silent for a moment. The buffer of another person was no longer present to keep Nehna’s temper in check, and while she wasn’t about to fly off the handle, the tension still remained. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas was the first to break the silence, reaffirming why he had stopped by, “I truly hope you can forgive me for my actions at the council.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He did not meet her gaze. Instead, he continued to scrub the floor, unable to bring himself to see any reaction from her. He could hear the brussels that scraped the metal pot pause as Nehna, no doubt, tried to come up with a response. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“While I don’t agree with it,” she sighed, shaking her head as she resumed scrubbing the dirty pots, “I understand where you are coming from, and I realize my anger was misplaced. You couldn’t have possibly known how Dirthamen would have reacted. You are responsible for your own actions, as is he. I will say, though, the gift was a nice touch that helped me get to that point.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He heard her laugh for the first time that day and realized how long it had been since he had heard her laugh- how refreshing it was, even when the jest was made at his expense. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Truly, I must admit, Aria proved helpful in such a present. In fact, she was the one who brought me the ruined dagger.” The last of the berry stains were erased, and Solas could finally look up at Nehna, who leaned against the counter, shaking her head as a thoughtful smile pulled at the corners of her lips. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She does have a way of inserting herself into things,” Nehna mused, finding it comical that Arianaya would care so much about bringing the two of them together. “It seems she has her own little agenda- I can’t blame her. I do write people off quickly. She clearly thinks highly of you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas rose to his feet and dusted himself off, smiling to himself as he came to the same conclusion. “It would say it was you whom she thinks highly of,” he countered. “Even if she thought it was in the best interest for the two of us to work together, it is clear to me who her allegiance is to. She came to me after seeing how distraught you were-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t believe distraught is the right word…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The word in use does not matter, the outcome and sentiment remains the same: she saw an opportunity to restore something that was once lost, and she knew out of all the people in your circle, I would have the means to mend your mother’s dagger. While I saw it as a way to get back into your good graces, she saw it as a way to retain what you most treasured.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya was more adept at the game than either had given her credit for, but the difference in how she played lay purely in the altruism of her intentions. If it brought the pair closer together while making Nehna happier, it was an added bonus. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Aria is a rose among thorns- has been, for as long as I can remember,” Nehna said, picking up the bottle of brandy to take a swig. “I have always been by her side, just as she has been by mine. I may make her life more difficult, but she never gives up on someone. Almost to a fault.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas took the bottle after her and took another drink, finishing off what remained of the brandy. “That is equal parts dangerous and admirable.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you needn’t tell me twice.” Nehna crossed her arms across her chest. “So, what next? What do you have up your sleeve?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas smiled and began to break down his plan- one that had Nehna excited for the prospects of their undertaking. Next up was just to convince the rest of the rebellion to trust in the process.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Things are starting to develop! We are about to get into the meat of the story! Let me know what you think! I know, I'm excited!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nehna addresses the rest of the enslaved to sort out the rumors of disappearances as well as introduce the cause's new ally: Solas.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all enjoy! This chapter is a bit longer, so I hope you like it! We are progressing farther into the main bits of the story, and I know that makes me excited!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It took a week to spread word of the meeting that was planned to occur as everyone convened for the next festival to celebrate the change of weather- the only time all of the enslaved were gathered in one place. By then, trickles of a rumor that elves were disappearing in the night made its way throughout the group. Some believed the rumors, others thought it to be an exaggeration. Regardless of their stance, the circumstances of the disappearances remained a mystery that would hopefully be addressed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Harvest moon shone brightly overhead as they all gathered in the courtyard. A jig played loudly, drowning out the garble of people all talking at once as the wine flowed freely, hitting both glass and ground. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Something big going on that got the ‘Gods’ all worried?” The gravelly voice of Sehlon startled Nehna, as she mentally prepared to address everyone. In its age, it carried with it a robustness that could command a room or cause mountains to tremble. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna knelt and touched her forehead to his left hand in reverence before laughing nervously. “I take it you know?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not the specifics, no, but I have been around long enough to recognize the signs,” Sehlon replied, clapping Nehna on the shoulder as he refilled her empty cup. “I suppose someone of your age has yet to experience a ‘true’ threat to Elvhenan- I myself even find it hard to recall the last perceived threat to our border. What I will never forget, though, are the screams of those whisked away at night- or of the mothers that lost their children to wars.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They both sipped from their cups- a coping measure shared between the pair, dating back to the first time Sehlon gave a young Nehna her first sip of wine.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It is one of the most haunting sounds the world could ever produce- the sound of a parent mourning a lost child. It is not a natural thing- a child dying before their own parents. When it happens, it leaves a curse in the weight of its wake. The parents lose themselves- just walking shells of skin and bone-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We do not have parents, nor do we have children,” Nehna reminded him, bored in a tone brought on as she pushed away any thought of her mother. It made it easier to accept the reasoning that Eludysia left. Though, as soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She might not have slapped him, but she might as well have.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna, I am surprised at you, buying into that horseshit they feed us. You know better than that. I thank our Creators your mother is no longer around to witness such disgraceful utterances.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her heart was in her stomach. Solas appeared from the crowd and began to walk her way. The meeting was about to start. Nehna took another sip and shrugged, trying to hold onto the pretend apathy she was cultivating. “Yes, well, she chose not to witness it, Hahren.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sehlon’s brow furrowed as he looked at her with pity. “Oh, da’len, release such resentment. Understand she wished not to bring such a curse into this world. Eludysia knew you were destined for great things. To lose such a light- she could not permit that, and for a good reason. Look at what you are doing. See how many people you lead and protect.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas sidled up beside Nehna as Sehlon took Nehna’s hands in his, “Remember, that while you look after these people, look after yourself as well, so you may be the leader we all need.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With that, Sehlon turned and disappeared into the crowd, leaving behind the full weight of his words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown, or so they say,” Solas commented, having come in for the tailend of the conversation. Nehna rolled her eyes and shrugged once more as she took a hearty gulp from her cup. “‘Tis almost time to address them all. I presume you have everything prepared.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the beginning, it would have been a question. Now, Solas was starting to understand Nehna was a meticulous planner. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Correct. You’ve placed your wards.” Like Solas, Nehna was coming to understand Solas would take care of all loose ends before coming to her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, and we have come to the time of the night where the festivities are in full effect. I would be surprised to find one free elf able to hold themselves upright-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know you are a free elf.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but one who has enough respect to refrain from such a state on a night as momentous as this one.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna finally cracked a smile, “Glad you finally came ‘round. Now, let us try and get everyone on the same page.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna stepped out onto the table top that would serve as the focal point for the meeting, and a hush fell over the crowd. “I welcome everyone and thank you for gathering together. As you have heard, there have been some major developments. I hope to share that with you all, as well as address rumors we have all, no doubt, heard by now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Those that had gathered whispered amongst themselves for a moment before quieting as Nehna continued. “First, I would like to update you all on our progress: we have gained one important and key player that will help us in our fight to freedom: Solas has joined our cause as an ally and has pledged his support and commitment to our cause-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd stirred as Solas rose to his feet in reception of such acknowledgement. Unease floated in the air, hovering above them all as Nehna continued over the grumbling. “Through this, we will have access to resources and knowledge that are vital to keeping this movement going-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s a free elf!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How can we trust him!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’d sell us out!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Individuals in the crowd, spurred on by their liquid courage spoke out in protest as Nehna snapped her fingers and glared at those that dared speak out while she was talking. “I will have none of that divisive language, do you hear me, Elias! Now, I have personally vetted him, and rather than invite him in, he extended his invitation out of his own desire to change the despicable practices this empire conducts. Yes, he knows nothing about what we go through, but in order for this to succeed, we need someone with power and influence, and he is our best- and quite frankly, only- bet.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd stilled as reluctant acceptance grew. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“In fact, he is the one that brought news in hopes of warning us. Solas, please tell them what you told me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas jumped up on the table and turned to address them all. “At the last Council session, the Evanuris met to discuss the threat looming at the northern border with the Titans.” A hushed murmur grew once more as the crowd digested this piece of news. War was no doubt on the horizon. “The Council discussed ways to mitigate the threat, which, I’m sure many of you need no reminder of the methods discussed, having taken part in wars and skirmishes prior. Make no mistake, those same methods are currently being deployed, alongside something far more sinister.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna rolled her eyes as Solas- who, as she was becoming to understand, enjoyed dramatic flare- paused and allowed the crowd to hang off of his every word. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ghilan’nain is beginning to use elvhen subjects in her experiments and has nearly unanimous support for such methods. Mythal was the only ruler to denounce such methods, so those of you enslaved to Mythal- you are safe from that particular method.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Outrage grew as both Nehna and Solas tried to quiet the crowd, unsuccessfully. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Silence.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The booming voice of Sehlon drowned everyone out and stilled the crowd, as he had a few words to say.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Everyone please, silence yourselves. This is alarming news, but you and I have known dear Nehna long enough to know she is already working on a solution, which is no doubt why you called the meeting- is that correct, my dear?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna nodded, “That is correct, Hahren.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have our attention.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The smile Sehlon gave her brought her racing heart back to a normal beat. It served as a beacon in the dark uncertainty she was wading through. The crowd was as apprehensive as Solas as she was when she first met him, and that was perfectly understandable. He was an outsider who knew none of the pain they had endured.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna took a deep, calming breath and smoothed out her dress, collecting her thoughts and composure before continuing. “First, I would like to address the tension you all obviously feel about having Solas joining our cause,” she paused, glancing down at Solas, only to quickly look away when he caught her gaze. “Yes, he is an outsider. I was extremely hesitant to trust him at first as well. How could he be any different from those he associates with? He, too, benefits from our blood, sweat, and tears. Arianaya can attest to my vitriol towards him-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna pointed over towards her friend and raised her cup as a gesture of thanks, knowing Aria was about to be bombarded with questions once this was over. “She, like the beautiful, wise soul we all know, encouraged me to give him a chance, so I did. What I discovered was this: upon seeing the horrors of what we are all put through; through listening to our own history and hearing our own perspective on Elvhenan and its dirty past- he did not shrink or run away to turn a blind eye and carry on with his life. Instead, he, on his own volition, pledged his support to our cause, despite the dangers it would pose for him. Ask yourselves: how many others can say that? Because never in my years have I seen such a thing. I have gone from wanting to kill him to actually coming to appreciate his company.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Whispers moved around the crowd in waves as the people decided what to make of this outsider. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, I know this is a frightening time for all of us in light of this new information, but now is the time to stand together, not fall apart! That is what they would want. Are we going to give them what they want?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” The crowd was unified in its response for the first time that night, and it fueled the fire in Nehna’s veins. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Good! Now that we’re on the same page, let us talk strategy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rather than have Solas present the strategy, she stayed on the table, taking the reins away from Solas, who might divide those she had just brought together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know I need not remind you to keep this quiet. We work as normal until the time is right. We hit them when the Titan inevitably crosses the border. In the meantime, Solas here will find a way to remove our vallaslin. Additionally, we are closing in on finding a refuge, albeit temporary until we find a physical location outside of Elvhenan’s borders. That way, we can start smuggling people out to freedom. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I will send out information as I receive it, but in the meantime we all need to act as though everything is normal. We must be above suspicion so that we can fly undetected for as long as possible. One slip-up, and it’s over.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd stilled, feeling the weight of reality in her words. Anticipation and fear hung heavy in the air. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We need to work together, or none of this will work. United? They will not see victory. We outnumber them, so let us utilize that. Organize, strike, and negotiate. And if there is no negotiation to be had, we will fight, and we will come out victorious on the other side!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd cheered, and drinks began to flow once more, so Nehna wrapped up her speech. “Stay alert for updates. Follow the plan, and we will see the other side!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She stepped down and took a seat beside Solas, who topped up her drink with a pleased smile. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You certainly know how to command a crowd,” he mused, leaning back as Nehna sighed and laughed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It took a while, but once you build up enough trust, it becomes easier. People see you have their best interests in mind through past actions, and boy, I have worked my ass off for this movement.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She held up her cup to him. “Welcome aboard- though I will say, I am shocked the crowd didn’t put up more of a fight.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The clinking of glasses mimicked the light, cheerly laugh that fell from her lips, now painted red from the wine. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I believe I have you to thank for that,” Solas said, maintaining eye contact as he took a sip from his drink, watching as members of the crowd stopped by to embrace Nehna and whisper words of encouragement. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna shook her head. Auburn curls fell from their confinement to frame her face as she laughed. “No, the credit goes to Arianaya for that one,” she teased.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ahh, yes. Without her, you would have killed me, I suppose.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You just have one of those faces,” she said, sarcastically, as she shrugged. “If it is any consolation, I think more highly of you now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nudging her, Solas could only laugh and reply, “Anything is higher than naught- which is what I believe I started at. By saying you think more highly of me is not saying much.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That is too funny. I didn't peg you as one to go digging for compliments.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I failed to picture you as a leader of a rebellion, and yet here we are.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pair laughed as Nehna returned the nudge. “Touché, my friend.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, have we developed a friendship?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A reluctant one, but a friendship nonetheless,” Nehna said, affirming where she stood. Maybe it was the drinks, but she felt no vulnerability or shame in admitting such a thing, as she may have done had there not been wine. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A smile finally reached Solas’s eyes as he held up a glass, “To finding friendship in unexpected places.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Here, here!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The glasses clinked and the two downed what remained. Warmth enveloped the both of them as Arianaya snuck up and pulled them both into a hug. “Look at you two, not at each others’ throats for once! I am so proud!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna laughed as she leaned away from the hug to get a better look at Aria. “Aria, have you been drinking?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She only received a giggle as confirmation before Arianaya continued what she had to say. She released Solas and turned to Nehna, poking her in the chest as she swayed on her legs. “You are truly an inspiration. Look around at what you have created, Nehna! This is your hard work paying off- I have heard nothing but glowing things about your speech!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna pat Arianaya on the shoulder and took her by the arm to lead her over to Sehlon, who stood over by the pitchers of water speaking with a few of the other elders, “I am appreciative of all your support.” It was strange to take care of a drunk Aria, but Nehna figured she owed it to her friend after the amount of times Aria helped her out. Nehna motioned for Solas to take Aria’s other arm, and the trio made their way over to the corner of the courtyard. “Now, trust me on this one, Aria, you should have some water.” They sat Arianaya on the bench as Solas went to get her water. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your mother would be so proud,” she mumbled as she tucked a fallen curl behind Nehna’s ear. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All Nehna could do was shrug. It was the last thing she wanted to think about, and she had kept it out of her mind so that she would not fall apart. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She knew you would be the one to do it- you were always such a rebellious child…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas knelt beside Aria and handed her the glass of water just as Nehna had to turn away to keep from crying. This was supposed to be a happy day. She shouldn’t be crying. So she clenched her jaw and willed the tears to return to their origins. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna jumped at the hand that rested on her shoulder. She turned around to see Solas, his brows knitted together in concern. She wiped away the stray tear, causing Aria to realize what she had done. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh Nehna, darling, I apologize for bringing her up- I know you’re struggling-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She held up a hand and shook her head. “It’s fine. I’m okay, Aria, really.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another drink was needed to drown out the unwanted emotions. She needed to breathe, and there were too many people about to get the air she so desperately needed. Before her mind could register it, her feet carried her away from the crowd, leaving Aria and Solas to wonder where she was off to. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Breaking through the wards brought her back to reality and into a garden that surrounded the busy courtyard where the enslaved elves who weren’t working were quartered off to. The weight of all of the unwanted emotions came crashing down on her as she allowed herself a moment to feel. To grieve. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She collapsed onto the dewy grass. There was no concern about the mud or the grass stains. Instead, she allowed everything to flow over her as she stared up at the stars above, shining their light, unphased by the events transpiring below them, even as their view remained unobstructed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even the wind, it seemed, had turned its back to her- its absence was stifling. It was as though all things around her had frozen in time. She was the only living, breathing thing around that could move about, and she longed to just sleep, but no rest would come. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna had only her emotions to feel. Nature had left her to deal with the messy parts of life. No rustling of leaves, no clouds floating above to give her a sense of freedom. It was still, and stillness unnerved her. Something loomed in the distance, waiting to strike, and as the tears began to sting her cheeks, she curled into herself. If she didn’t, there would be nothing to keep her heart in her chest, beating against the darkness that was despair. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No, he couldn’t be here to see her like this. Heat rose to her cheeks as she wiped her nose on her sleeves before waving him off. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just need space to breathe. I will return in a moment,” she replied, trying her hardest to keep her voice from breaking. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Arianaya requested that I remain with you and expressed her deepest apologies for her words.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A gloved hand slammed on the ground, sending mud everywhere as Nehna snapped, “I need no minder. Her words have no effect over me. I merely wish for time alone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This is a night that should be spent celebrating, not dwelling in what may or may not have come to pass-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Solas. Do not-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The loss of your mother is something that deeply troubles you to this day-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know a thing about-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna, I have bared witness to those memories and those feelings you possess towards the situation. Have the courtesy to speak plainly with me. We have had our share of rocky moments, but have I not demonstrated my friendship and commitment to helping you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I need no charity.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Perhaps not,” Solas came to sit beside Nehna, staring up at the same sky she stared at. “However, disengaging from feelings is no way to live a life. No person is built to live alone, nor are they built to shoulder burdens on their own. I believe that is what Hahren Sehlon was alluding to.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The tears continued to flow, even as she willed them not to, but Solas gave her the respect of not staring. He remained looking up at the sky.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was made to walk alone, Solas. That is how I survived this long.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna’s voice didn’t feel like hers. It was detached and dangling in the air, each word wilting and dissipating once it was voiced. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“They look to me to be strong,” she continued. “If I am seen breaking down, the peoples’ faith in my ability to lead will wane. Tell me, what would you do in my position.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The chuckle she received was quiet, and it served to tether her to the ground as she waited for an infuriating answer, and yet, she received none. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have not the life experiences you do to be able to speak to what I would or would not do. It would be foolish to tell any enslaved person what I would do in their position, since I have never experienced servitude of that nature. Therefore, I will not insult you by telling you what I would do, as tempting as it might be. I am merely here to support you. Should you choose to speak on how you are feeling, that is your prerogative. I shall not force you into some confession you are not yet willing to give.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pair sat in silence, one bathed in the patience it took the light of a star to travel such a distance to be seen, the other, restless as the changing leaves on the trees awaiting a new season. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What I will comment on, however,” Solas continued, “is that you have a good amount of people whom you can trust to open up to. Losing a parent is never easy, and it is made more complicated by the fact you, no doubt, feel responsible-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not that I feel responsible, Solas. I feel as though she took the easy way out. She got to choose how she will die. I am not so naive as to think death won’t come for all of us one day. As a slave, it is as near as a nightstand’s edge in the darkness. It feels like she saw an opportunity to take what most of us never have the option to: choose how to die. And worse, it’s a death that makes her out to be some kind of martyr…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna hugged her knees, realizing she voiced to another her own struggles. Once more, heat rose to her cheeks. She had her circle of friends she would have- should have- gone to over Solas, but the words fell like pebbles from her lips. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And then everyone acts as though I should praise her and that she’d be so proud of me, and that she knew this would happen. Give me a fucking break! Let me have one conversation without her coming up, please!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna realized she was shouting at this point and backed off, tucking her hair behind her ear as she sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Calm. You have to be calm. Bring it back, but don’t apologize. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She saw Solas hesitate, as the realization he may have played an unwitting role in reminding her of her mother dawned on him. So, Nehna backtracked. “The dagger is quite possibly the only thing I’m thankful for.” It was unclear as to why she was trying to make him feel more confident in his choice of gift, but it felt necessary to do so as she watched him rub his knuckles and bite his bottom lip. “It is some comfort, having that. It was passed down from generation to generation, even if we are not supposed to have familial ties. The only ties that are supposed to matter are those to our patron.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She drew out the dagger, and twirled it around her fingers, taking note of its weight; the ridges; the imperfections that became more evident over time- especially after being destroyed in her last fight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can hardly imagine what it is like to live in a world devoid of familial connections,” he mused, still staring up at the stars as the fidgeting continued. “I suppose those of us with the luxury of freedom take such ties for granted- though I can hardly imagine those ties are completely wiped out in slavery and servitude.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She saw him tense, preparing for a berrating for which she hadn’t the energy to give. Such a berating wouldn’t bear fruit. “They aren’t, as much as the Patrons try, and as much as we try ourselves, in fact. It is a form of coping, given the unexpectedness of death. It is easier to pretend such ties don’t exist. Many of us try to hold on to it- Heavens, I tried to as a child- and all I’ve seen it cause is pain. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They say it is to ensure our loyalty to the Patron who took us in off of Death’s doorstep. No reasonable elf would believe that, but they went along with the pretense, because it was found much easier to deal with all of this shit that is thrown our way.” Without realizing it, she switched back to the topic of her mother, “I remember being chastised as a child, calling Eludysia my mother. She would smack me until my butt was black and blue until I took back what I said. We are stardust given shape. We have no mothers or fathers like the free elves do. That is why we must remain with our Patrons, for they know how to give us all shape and keep us tethered to this earthly world.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That was drilled into me since I could walk and talk. You know me well enough by now to know I did not believe a word of it, but after Eludysia disappeared, my mind found comfort in that fact- if only for a while. I could separate myself from the feelings of losing a parent. I would tell myself ‘she just returned to the stars’, and that brought me enough comfort to carry on… and then… the Fade had to go and show me the truth. Force me to confront the illusion I had built up </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>O Sugarman don't leave me here</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Cotton balls to choke me</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>O Sugarman don't leave me here</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Buckra's arms to yoke me. . . .</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sugarman done fly away</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sugarman done gone</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sugarman cut across the sky</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sugarman gone home.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She broke out into the song her soul knew. A song from childhood when her faceless father was brought to Falon’Din for his final resting place. She never understood the sorrow until now. Her voice shook and yet remained strong- the duality of life. The low, raspy voice floated on the breeze, flying as all enslaved souls longed to do. It was the song her mother sang, and finally, she understood the longing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna recalled the cherry blossoms as the petals fell to the ground, spinning in the breeze as the baritone voice of her mother led the song for her father. Nehna shed no tears. Instead, she watched the pink and white fall like snow on the ground, paying no mind to the funeral pyre that passed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas looked on as the Fade reflected the memory she recalled around them. Nehna, a small child, only distinguishable by her locks of curly auburn hair, twirled around with the falling petals, ignoring the cries and the somberness of those around her. The same song she had been singing repeated once more, only slower this time. The voice singing was much deeper, causing emotions that lay dormant to stir with the vibration of sound. It was a mourning wail- one he had only heard in recordings of history kept in Dirthamen’s prized Eluvian. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The woman singing gathered the red headed child in the hem of her dress and guided her along the walkway to the boat. The child, blissfully unaware of the sorrow around her, continued to sway with the breeze, twirling as the petals did, singing the song her mother sang, only softer and gentler. Little did that child know, the added wistfulness of her song only caused those that gathered more heartbreak: here was a child that had just lost her father, but because of the nature of the situation, the child remained blind to what she lost. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No one, not even her mother, had the heart to chastise the young Nehna. Solas even found himself confounded at the child’s ignorance of the occasion.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I cannot recall the cause of his death,” the older Nehna appeared beside him, watching the scene just as he did. “Eludysia was adamant about keeping that a secret- why, I don’t even know what his name was. I just know that everyone was sad, even though the flowers around them were changing with the seasons, and it was such a beautiful scene. That song does hit differently, now…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The procession crossed over the peak of the hill and faded into obscurity, sending them both back to the present. Nehna sighed. “I still am not used to that…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It does take some adjusting to, yes,” Solas said, trying to normalize what she was going through, all while taking in the parts she revealed to him. “You feel as though she left you to handle life on your own?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna buried her face in her hands, letting out a sigh as she tried to wrestle with conflicting emotions. Was that the source of her grief? It felt so petty- afterall, she still lived thanks to her mother’s sacrifice. “Solas, I truly cannot explain how I feel. There are so many possibilities and emotions running through my mind that I can hardly make sense of it all. On one hand, had it not been for her, I would no longer be here due to the stupidity and brashness of childhood. On the other hand, I recognize the freedom death brings, and yes, I feel abandoned. She chose the easy way out-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I hardly believe the choice was an easy one to make-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you don’t, Solas. You operate in a world where parents would do anything to see their child succeed- I don’t live in such a world. We are born. We work. We die, when our time comes. There is no choice in our death, we only know it will release us from servitude. So you see, what I am most struggling with is the fact that she chose her own death and left me behind to pick up the pieces. She would not be proud of me, because she chose to die when she should have just stuck to the natural order of things. She was selfish, and I’m tired of people pretending like she’s not.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas ran a hand through his braided hair as she finally brought herself to look at him. Tears glistened in her eyes. “What kind of mother leaves her daughter behind to choke on a life of servitude?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had no words of comfort to offer her. Instead, he held out a flagon of brandy he had been saving as an offering of comfort. As she took it, he offered a piece of his own personal history. “I, too, never knew my parents. They died long before I could develop memories of them. Mythal took me in, and I have been by her side ever since.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna took one more big swig of brandy before passing it back to Solas. “Do you ever regret not having parents?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head and offered her a small smile. “They did what they needed to do to get me to where I needed to be. I am forever grateful for the sacrifice they made. Were it not for them, I would be in no position to help your cause.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do they ever come to you in the Fade?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The question caught him off-guard as he drank, causing him to spit up some of the brandy. At first, Nehna looked offended, thinking she had asked a dumb question, so he helped ease her embarrasment. “Not as you come to think of it as,” he replied. “The Fade acts in different ways and shapes itself to what the foreign presence needs. I have seen my parents, watched as they fell in love and started a family. I stood silent as I saw the Fade recount the pestilence which took them from me, and I witnessed the letter they sent to an old friend, just as Death knocked on their door. The Fade reflects many things, but it can never bring the dead back to life. Falon’Din himself, no matter how hard he wishes, cannot retrieve lost souls. So they do not necessarily come to me, rather, I visit them and the Fade shapes itself to the emotions that permeate that place.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna looked as though she was about to say something, only to be interrupted by Sehlon, “Dalen, you may want to return to Dirthamen’s dwelling. There is news concerning Hareas.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna’s face paled as she jumped straight to her feet, running off in the direction of the respective Eluvian- worry etched the lines in her face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Once again, thank you for reading! Leave a comment and/or kudos and let me know what you think! And if you are on tumblr, you can find me there as well under the same name (ohmypawsandwhiskers).  Also, credit of the song Sugarman goes to Toni Morrison. It is featured in her book, Song of Solomon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nehna returns to find Hareas badly beaten. An old flame is there to tell her what has come to pass.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I debated a lot about going forth with this plot, but I also don't wish to shy away from slavery and all of its horrors. I am working on the following chapters as we speak, so hopefully they will be published soon as well! Let me know what you think at the comments. I will also probably  be coming back to tweak a few things with this story, as it has taken a life of its own and developed its own plot.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Time seemed to freeze around her. Nehna pushed through the drunken crowd to get to the Eluvian that would take her back to Dirthamen’s palace.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Please, let him be ok. Please, please, please, whoever's listening, let it just be a small altercation.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna paid no mind to the looks she received as she shoved people out of the way. Hers was a one-track mind on a mission, desperate to prove the doubtful voices in her head. From the Eluvian in Dirthamen’s office, she sprinted down the halls, continuing to drive past those who looked on at the woman with tears streaming down her eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She rounded the corner to the childrens’ room praying against all odds that the whispers she heard weren’t true. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she entered the childrens’ quarters, she was pulled into a hug. Work-calloused hands tangled themselves into her hair, weaving themselves into her auburn locs as if they were the only things he could hold onto for life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lenan, I- what is going on? Sehlon said something happened-” She pulled herself away from the man she hadn’t seen in years to try and get a look at Hareas. Lenan held her in place to keep her from seeing the boy. “Lenan, let me- let me go. I need to see him!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna pushed Lenan out of the way and rushed over to the bed Hareas usually occupied, falling to her knees as a lonely, solitary sob fell from her lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There lay Hareas, beaten, bloodied, and bruised to the point his face was so swollen, it was barely recognizable. “Oh, my sweet boy. What have they done to you?” She gently brushed the blonde curls out of his face before taking a clean rag to dab off the beads of sweat on his brow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s still breathing… he certainly is a fighter,” Lenan came behind her and rested a hand on her shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How- how did this happen?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was in the mines- all of us were. They’ve increased the workload, so children and adults work side-by-side with little distinction between the two. They don’t give us the same breaks as they do children. Hareas fell, exhausted and begging for water… The guards told him to get back up, but he just continued to ask for water. When they continuously refused, he spit at their feet, called them names and berated them for having a sense of superiority brought on by beating others into submission- I could have sworn that was you there. He sounded just like you…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna patted the hand on his shoulder, sighing. She didn’t need to hear the rest. History was repeating itself. “You didn’t step in to save him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could hear the cracking in his voice as he replied, “I was held back by the other workers. There was nothing I could do-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go get me some fresh bandages and clean water. He needs to be changed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lenan left without another word to fetch the supplies as Nehna took Hareas’s small hand in her own and allowed tears to fall in the safety of solitude. “Oh, you beautiful, sweet, stupid child. What have they done to you? Why didn’t you just listen to me when I told you to keep your opinions to yourself while working…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Guilt weighed heavily on her soul. She was partially to blame- saying inflammatory things in front of him- allowing him in on the secret meetings she would call once all the workers were done for the day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hareas’s breath was unsteady, just as his pulse was. All she could do was watch and wait for Lenan to return. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Damn Lenan. She wanted to blame him for not stepping in to protect their child. It should have been him taking the lashings- what parent could watch their child endure that. Yet, she knew that was not fair to say. She was trying to make sense of a world that operated through instilling fear- bargain for any way to change this outcome. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s not dead. Not yet. He can still pull through… </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the sound of footsteps on damp  cobblestone flooring, she stopped crying and put back on the brave face she had practiced for so long. Lenan moved to the other side of Hareas’s bed and handed Nehna the supplies before pulling up a chair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna got to work, hands shaking as she undid the bled-through bandages, taking care not to aggravate the wounds any more than they were- just as Arianaya had done for her so many times. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know how to handle dressing wounds?” Lenan asked, trying to keep them both distracted from the fact their child was teetering between life and death. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Arianaya has taught me a thing or two, given how frequently I need stitching up.” Nehna managed a chuckle, forced as it may have been. “I would be silly not to pick up such skills.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How is Aria? It has been too long since I have seen her…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She recognized the look in his eyes. He was lost in memories of the times before. It seemed easier then. Rosier too. But looking at the past always brought with it the haze of nostalgia to cover the darker bits. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She is well. Drunk as a skunk when I left her-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Children began filing in, chattering away as they proceeded to get ready for bed. The chattering fell to whispers as they caught sight of Hareas.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The noise was too much for her. She looked up at Lenan, who too was looking at the inquisitive children with questions forming. “This is no place for him in his current state,” she whispered. “Help me move everything- we need to get him to the infirmary.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was not a request, but a command, one which Lenan followed without the usual hesitation he always had. He scooped Hareas up in his arms, careful not to jostle him too much, as Nehna grabbed what remained of the bandages and water. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She led them down the darkened corridor that danced with shadows as spirits watched to see what fate the boy would meet. “Just through here,” she directed, and the shadows went away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The infirmary was the cleanest part of the slave quarters, and it was a place shadows rarely ventured. Nehna cleared off the nearest bed, and Lenan placed him on the cot. Shock etched the corners of Nehna’s lips in eyes as her forehead wrinkled at the sight of Lenan covered in blood. “Shit, we have to stop the bleeding, Lenan. It’s no good if the bleeding doesn’t stop…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna? I came as soon as I heard!” Arianaya burst into the room, the smell of wine still lingered, but the news seemed to sober her up. She rushed to Hareas’s side, a hand covering her own cry as the boy lay there, unconscious and shaking. “Oh, my sweet boy, what have they done to you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya shoved Nehna and Lenan out of the way as she went rifling through her supplies, getting out all the pastes she had made up just for Nehna, but never expected to use it on Hareas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s going to be alright, isn’t he, Aria?” Nehna asked, praying for the answer she wanted to hear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Arianaya looked up from the work she had just begun. “He has lost a lot of blood, and infection is setting in quickly for some reason. Just sit over there and let me work…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lenan and Nehna nodded and left Arianaya to do her work, taking two chairs in the back of the room as they watched the informal medic work away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This certainly was not how I imagined us meeting again,” Lenan mumbled, trying to make light of the situation. Receiving only a shrug in response, he tried once more to get a response out of her. “I have heard you are causing quite a stir. How was the meeting today? Are we going to get that sweet taste of freedom we always dreamed of?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once again, Nehna shrugged, sighing before she offered any information, “It was fine. Things are progressing faster than we expected, but the threat is becoming much greater as a Titan threatens the border.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She couldn’t take her eyes off of Hareas. The fear that he would disappear into thin air was too great. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That explains the longer shifts in the mines. They are going to need all the weapons and armor we can make.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They fell into an uncomfortable silence, neither one sure where to continue. It had been some years since they had been in the same room together, their split being less than amicable. Part of Nehna wanted to bring it up, but the energy it would take was the energy she needed to make it through the night. Her eyes fell back on Hareas’s form as a longing enveloped her chest. She wanted to be beside him, holding his hand. He might have been unconscious and unaware of her presence, but if he opened his eyes, hers should be the first face he saw. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya showed no signs of drunken stupor. She was back to her true form, working away with efficient and tender hands- it was better Aria took over. Nehna had only a basic understanding of wound care, and Hareas was too precious for her to slip up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He has grown up so much since last I saw him…” Lenan mused to himself or Nenha, she wasn’t sure, but it did keep the conversation lighter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded, sighing as she did so and wishing for a drink to stifle the anxiety growing in her chest. “He really sprouted this year-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like one of your plants.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, like that, except plants don’t talk back,” Nehna laughed, recalling the other week when he was standoffish to Solas. “You know, I have an acquaintance helping me from the other side. He comes to visit me and Aria one night while we were all harvesting berries for wine, and Hareas is immediately suspicious of him, purely because this acquaintance is a free elf- calls him Fenedhis and everything- it took all of my power not to laugh, because I should not be encouraging such behavior, but at the same time, all I could think was ‘that's my boy. He takes after both of us.’”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lenan chuckled, and for the first time, it brought a smile to Nehna’s face. It almost felt like they were all together again. Back when things were simpler- or as simple as they could be when familial ties were denied and they were still enslaved. Naivety was a gift both revelled in for a bit, until they grew apart. Differences in opinion did that to couples all the time. Theirs was shrouded in how to fight for freedom. Such differences drove Lenan away, leaving Nehna alone to fight the battle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He has good instincts. I am proud of him. You can never trust a free elf. They only look out for themselves.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lenan…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is true! Did I hear that right? You have someone from the other side helping you? Vhenan, you need to be careful…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you call me that. You have lost that right, Lenan.” The brief calmness she might have felt dissipated with that one word. Reality set back in as she clenched her fists. “Do not mistake this as coming together. You left us, Lenan, and I thank whatever Creators there are that Hareas was too young to remember you-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna,” a newcomer’s voice interrupted her rant. The soft soothing voice reminded her that this was not the place. She need not be outright chastised, Sehlon knew that- he was always gentle in his approach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna rose to her feet and embraced the elder, clinging onto him for support as tears welled up once more. “Oh, Hahren, how could this have happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He held her for a moment before pulling away but keeping his hands on her shoulders. “I know not why. There is truly some evil in this world, but so too there is good. We cannot know the outcome as of yet, Da’len, so take heart.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna nodded and pushed the sadness away to the back of her mind. “How is young Hareas?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shrugged and moved to the side so that Sehlon could get a better view of the room. “Aria is taking care of him at the moment. It is in her hands right now- she would know better than I.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is good you moved him here. The childrens’ bunk room is no place to treat his injuries.” HIs silvery hair reflected the lighting of the room as he shook his head, observing the work being done before turning back to Nehna. “I hope it is alright, but I took the liberty of asking your friend to stop by. He may be able to help Aria.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Sehlon said this, Solas appeared from out in the hallway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I apologize for the intrusion. When I heard what happened, I felt compelled to offer my assistance,” Solas said, bowing his head out of respect for Nehna. It felt odd to Nehna, but she took it in stride. It would be foolish to deny such help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I appreciate it, Solas,” she said as she watched Sehlon move to greet Lenan, whose glare bore down on her in an attempt to reach Solas, who Nehna kept purposefully out of Lenan’s line of sight. “You did not see the best side of Hareas, and to offer your help despite his initial feelings towards you- well, it’s all good. Isn’t it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He offered her a small smile, nodded as he did so. “I am not so prideful to be hurt by intended insults thrown by children, especially given the imbalance of power between our two worlds.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose you are right.: She laughed nervously and shrugged. “Aria, Solas is here to help you,” Nehna called out over her shoulder before turning to lead Solas to the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do not want that man anywhere near my child!” Lenan leapt into action, covering the distance in the space of a second, blocking their path to Hareas and Aria. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lenan, stop being ridiculous! He is here to help-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I assure you, I bring only the purest of intentions. I do not wish for this young boy to perish,” Solas added, only to quiet back down at the glare that both Nehna and Lenan shot him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lenan, as far as Hareas is concerned, any judgement over how to care for him was forfeited when you disappeared. You may have helped bring him into this world, but I was the one left to raise him. Now, you are allowed to stay, but I will not have you bringing aggression into this room in front of Hareas.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aria, Solas, and Sehlon watched as the pair stared each other down, waiting for the other to make a move to serve as an excuse for lashing out. Before anything could occur, Sehlon, sensing this in the atmosphere, grabbed Lenan by the arm. “Would you accompany me to the kitchens to fetch some food for everyone here? It is sure to be a long night, and I know I, for one, am famished.” Hesitation knitted in Lenan’s brow but quickly dissipated as he released his anger held in his shoulders. “Besides, it will allow us a chance to catch up.” Sehlon steered him out of the room, “It has been some time since I have seen you. I am curious as to what you have been up to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tension that hung in the air resolved as the two left the room, morphing into a feeling of awkwardness, leaving only Nehna, Solas, Arianaya, and Hareas.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna turned to Solas, “I apologize. Lenan is not always the easiest person to be around-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He held up a hand and smiled, “You need not apologize. Tensions are high, and he is doing what any father would do.” With that, he pat Nehna on the shoulder and joined Aria in inspecting Hareas wounds, leaving Nehna on her own to tend to her own thoughts. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for reading! I hope you've enjoyed it (or at least found it interesting, as it is hard when a child is injured). Let me know your thoughts and comments below, and I hope you stick around! The plot is beginning to thicken!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hareas's fate lies in the balance as Arianaya and Solas continue to tend to his wouds. Nehna requests the day off in exchange for a favor.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tw: child death</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The night dragged on as Arianaya and Solas hovered over Hareas’s fragile body- Arianaya with her herbs, and Solas with his healing magic that electrified the entire room. Sehlon, Nehna, and Lenan sat in the corner. Watching. Waiting. Seconds felt like minutes. Minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like an eternity. The slave quarters were still in the night. The shadows bore down on the room with the weight of lethargy as everyone else took to the cots and slept in preparation for another day of back-breaking labor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No one in the makeshift infirmary, save for Hareas, slept. There was no sleep to be had while the boy’s soul lay in the balance. They were blessed that no more arguments broke out. Knowing Sehlon, Nehna bet he had a talk with Lenan about keeping the mood free of any additional heaviness, and Nehna was grateful that Lenan seemed to heed the old man’s words. Idle conversation passed between them, and civility, for the moment, remained. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the sky lightened to its shades of pink and purple hues, the people stirred once more, and the quarters came back to life. Nehna, Sehlon, and Lenan reluctantly pulled themselves up from their chairs, knowing the work must go on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna sidled up beside Aria, embracing her as she said her farewell for the time being. “I’ll be back once dinner is over. If there is any change, please, come and get me.” Nehna bent over and kissed Hareas’s damp forehead. The fever had yet to break.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nehna,” Solas called out as she turned to leave. She paused at the threshold of the door and looked back to see him following behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes? What is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It may behoove you to request a day of leave from your duties. Should Hareas awake, however briefly, it would surely bring him some comfort seeing your face. Speak with Dirthamen- I am certain he is already aware of the situation. He may be amenable to your request.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna nodded slowly, taking in his words. Her eyelids were heavy with sleep, and yet there was no time to sleep. She needed to focus. “I will certainly try, but you know how things are down here. Should I not return… Well, you would know the answer, I suppose.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and bit her lip, anxious at the answer to her question. “How is he?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas sighed and momentarily glanced back at the child. “We have managed to stop the bleeding, but there have been no other changes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, well, thank you, Solas. I mean it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do not thank me just yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a curt nod, Nehna turned and left, heading to the washroom to freshen up before speaking with Dirthamen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she walked into the humid, steamy room, it fell silent as its occupants stared at the woman in the previous night’s clothes, trying to gauge any information from her face. News had already travelled, but if they were looking for any answers, her face provided none, just as it had always been. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whispers grew to chatter as she passed. Normalcy reigned, and she was thankful for it. She wasn’t certain if she could handle any questions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She bathed and dressed for the day in a daze. Nothing felt real at that point, and it was unclear to her whether it was due to the emotional toll of the night or lack of sleep. All she knew was that each step and movement felt foreign. The bricks that lined the hallways she walked down seemed two dimensional. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she got to the upper levels of the palace, the only thing that brought her comfort was the smell of flowers- </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> was real. She paused, making a mental note to herself to bring back flowers to the infirmary. If they brought her back to reality, maybe they could bring Hareas back to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was strange, suddenly feeling the pain her mother must have felt- that all mothers do when their children are in danger or are hurting. Whether she pushed the conscious connection to her motherly instincts aside as a result of her own deep rooted issues or because of how the enslaved life affected families, she wasn’t quite certain. She had avoided thinking about it until now. And that weight- the heavy, lead feeling pressing down on her chest- made it all too real. No matter how those with freedom tried to brainwash those that were enslaved, that feeling could never be taken away or assuaged.(stifled or suppressed could be a better word choice here)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna’s hand quivered above the doorknob to Dirthamen’s study. He must have heard her footsteps, because as she turned to leave, thinking it foolish to ask him for anything, the door swung open behind her, revealing Dirthamen sitting at his desk, his fingers laced together under his chin as a smirk tugged at his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nehna, dear, what brings you to me today?” he asked, beckoning her in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath to steady her nerves before entering the office she knew all too well. “Good morning, Sir,” Nehna fell into a deep bow, using the moment to arrange her mask into one that he would appreciate. She smirked, looking up from the bow and answered, “I trust you already have your suspicions as to why I am paying you a visit so early in the day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His smirk widened to a toothy grin. “Well, it is much too soon to be related to your tasks for the day, so it must have to be related to something else. I have heard rumors, but my dear girl, you know how unreliable rumors can be. I would rather hear it straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. Please, sit. I was just having coffee. Won’t you join me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna straightened up and took the seat across from his desk, cushioned in deep red velvet that reminded her of the stark differences their own respective realities held. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could hardly say no to coffee, Sir. You are a gracious Patron to offer someone of my position such a delicacy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dirthamen clapped, and two porcelain cups appeared before them, filled to the brim with the smooth dark brown liquid. Its smell was no comparison to the burnt coffee she was accustomed to drinking. “Flattery can get you many places, Nehna, but I caution you to use it wisely and sparingly. One may think you are using it to manipulate someone.” Dirthamen picked up the cup, blowing on the steaming liquid as he posed his question. “I will not ask again: what brings you here today?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She followed his lead, taking the cup, blowing air on the coffee to cool it down. “Yesterday, Hareas was beaten and tortured. He is currently in the infirmary being tended to, but his situation is still unstable.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So the rumors are true,” Dirthamen sat back in his chair and took a sip of coffee. His icy blue eyes bore into her soul, cold and ruthless- much like Solas’s when they first met. It was intended for her to shrink under his gaze, but she remained firm, bringing a smile to Dirthamen- one that reached his eyes. “I suppose you are here to request a trade, much like Eludysia did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was prepared for her to come crawling, begging for him to save Hareas. This thought, in  turn, brought a smile to her face. Nehna had the upper hand, not by much, but one brought on by the element of surprise. One which, if she was correct, would raise her own stature in his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“On the contrary, actually. I will not challenge the natural order of things. People die when they are meant to, and Hareas may yet live after this is all over-” the confidence in her voice was perfectly manufactured to keep the doubt at bay. “I have come to you to request a day’s reprieve, so that I might stay by his side in the event he awakes. I, of course, do not expect this to be done out of charity. I will make up for the time lost by working through the night tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Dirthamen stared at her, drinking from his cup as it seemed he was at a loss for words. Nehna kept her face neutral as she took another sip of coffee, allowing herself to enjoy the sweet taste that would most likely never be had again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The moment was over much too soon, and once again, the smirk on Dirthamen’s face told Nehna to expect more as payment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I must say, my dear girl, you certainly have a more realistic and pragmatic view on life than Eludysia did, and that is to be commended. It is a trait that will serve you well in life and save you from future heartbreak, that is certain.” He set down his empty cup and steepled his fingers. “I am, however, going to be losing a day of productivity from you, even if you do make it up. That is something that is just not a fair exchange.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna pressed her lips together and focused on the steam tickling her nose. It was all she could do to keep from arguing with the man. She must remain cool and calm. Any other emotion would be taken advantage of. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“However, if you agree to help me with the final touches of something I have been working on, as well as the full nights work, I will allow it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna matched his smirk, draining the rest of her drink before rising to her feet. “You have yourself a deal, Sir.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna returned to the infirmary with flowers and food in hand where she found Solas and Aria sitting across from one another, conversing over a cup of tea- which Solas had yet to touch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How is he?” she asked, setting the food down for them before moving over to Hareas, laying down the flowers she had brought for him on the bedside table. As she took a seat on the cot, she noticed a small, woven wolf tucked into the crook of his arm. Would it not have disturbed him, she would have picked it up to examine it, so instead, she shot a quizzical look over to the two of them. “Who gave him this? I have never seen it before…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arianaya nodded over at Solas, who rose to his feet to join Nehna on the other side of the cot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To answer your first question, he is as stable as we could get him. Even the spirits I have been in consultation with are unsure of his prognosis. It is an answer only time can provide.” He dabbed the boy’s forehead with a cool cloth before moving on to her next question. “As for the second, I thought it might be a comfort to him. Arianaya mentioned he had no other toys, so I sent for one that provided me much comfort as a child.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A small smile crossed Nehna’s lips. “That was very kind, Solas. I am sure he will appreciate it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was my pleasure.” He returned the smile with one of his own, before returning to the table where the food was laid out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He hasn’t given you any trouble, has he, Aria?” Nehna teased, running her hand through her own hair to shake off the nervousness she felt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aria’s laugh helped to bring some light back into the room. She rose to her feet to get a cup of tea for Nehna, who, based on the dark rings around her eyes and her barely unkempt hair, was dying to sleep but wouldn’t give into such an urge until there was some certainty for her to hold on to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s been a perfect gentleman, actually,” Arianaya replied, winking over at Solas. “He does have a disturbing tendency to speak to Spirits I supposedly cannot see, but I suppose we all have our flaws.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She handed the tea to Nehna, who graciously took it with a smile. “I suppose we do…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “Not me,” said Arianaya as she took her seat back at the table. “I am perfectly splendid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas snorted, sending some of the powdered sugar flying off the plate and onto the table. “Your off-tune humming would lead me to beg to differ.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yours is no better, I’ll have you know- and watch where you laugh. You’re mucking up a perfectly clean table!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna smiled over her tea at the pair of them bickering. It brought a sense of normalcy she desperately needed. Her mind was prone to wandering off to the more morose subjects, given Hareas’s state, and no sane person could remain in such a frame of mind for too long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ignoring Arianaya’s rebuff, Solas turned his attention to Nehna and asked, “I take it the meeting with Dirthamen went well?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All she could do was shrug. “I suppose so. I am here, aren’t I? Whatever comes next will be worth it.” She looked down at Hareas to find his eyes were open. Her heart leapt in her chest, and she had to use all of her self-control not to hug him too tight. “Hareas, dear, you’re awake!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immediately, Arianaya and Solas were at the bedside, examining the boy’s responses. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where am I?” He asked meekly before his gaze fell on Solas. “What is that prick doing here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna bit her bottom lip to keep her from snapping at him to correct him. “Solas is helping you. You are very badly injured, and Auntie Aria and Solas have been looking after you here in the infirmary. You’ve been out for quite some time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy nodded and relaxed. Whether it was out of acceptance of Solas or a mere feeling of exhaustion that led him not to fight, Nehna was unsure, but she would take the peace where she could get it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hands found the stuffed animal at his sides, and he gave it a wary stare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas spoke up, “I brought that for you in hopes you might find some comfort in it. It was mine when I was your age.” A small smile crossed his lips as he finished checking Harea’s pupils. “Of course, if you do not wish to have it, I can always take it back-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Hareas retorted and held the wolf tightly. “I mean, it is silly looking, but I will keep it for now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Solas said as he bowed to the young man, eliciting a small chuckle from everyone in the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hareas turned his attention back to Nehna. “Is Lenan here? Where did he go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He is back at the mines working. He was unable to get the day off, but honey, save your strength. Rest up, you are still very much hurt,” Nehna said, brushing the hair away from his sweaty forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded and asked, “Can you tell me a story then? The story of how I was born. I very much like that one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, sweetheart-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you keep calling me pet names?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He may have been weak, but he was still as feisty as ever, and Nehna could only laugh. How could she tell him he was dying? No child should hear that, but then again, lying was hardly acceptable, so she settled on a cleaner version of the truth. “You gave us all quite a scare. We thought we lost you. I am using these words because I am so grateful to speak with you. Now, can I tell the story, or are you going to keep wasting your energy with such questions?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded and allowed her to continue on with her story. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just as I was born, and countless others before me, you were chosen and plucked from the brightest star in the sky region we call </span>
  <em>
    <span>Irmorisenatha</span>
  </em>
  <span>, one of the most expansive in the entire universe. Each child you see is the product of a star from a collection of stars, and that that system plays a role in determining who you are and who you will be. Once it was determined, the stardust fell down to the earth, marking the spot where we could find the earthly materials to create you. It was there that we mixed the stardust by hand with a blend of dirt, ash, and clay. Day by day, the being you would become flourished out of the ground while we waited for a spirit to finally bring you to life. Until the spirit came to enter, however, it was merely a vessel, or so we call it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arianaya and Solas returned to the table and listened on as she told the story.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everyone kept watch, waiting for the day a spirit would inhabit the mixture. We all wondered, would it be a spirit of Study, as so many of us belonging to Dirthamen are, or perhaps a spirit of Valor or Wisdom? It is very important, after all, which spirit chooses to give you life, because it is after them that we take our traits and characteristics. After months and months of waiting- nine to be exact- a spirit of Courage entered the prepared vessel, and then you took your first breaths in the world as a living being, and you made this world a much brighter place.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna looked down to find Hareas fast asleep once more. She kissed the top of his head and allowed herself a moment of rest, not caring that there were others in the room. She, too, was tired.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before either Arianaya or Solas realized, Nehna was fast asleep in the chair beside Hareas’s bed, and neither of them had the heart to wake her. So they settled into their watch, enjoying the food and tea before Solas had to ask a question for himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that truly how the story of birth is told to enslaved elves?” Arianaya nodded, and he followed up with another question. “There must come a time when you all realize that is simply not true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Solas. We see birth happen all the time, but familial connections are forbidden for us, so this story is much simpler to tell children.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So Nehna has said.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Think about it, if you told an enslaved child who their parents were, but that they could not call them mother or father- the fit they would throw! A child hardly has the sense to be quiet and not challenge the status quo as is. To then be told the truth? A child cannot grasp the need to remain distanced- the necessity of keeping up appearances so as not to cause an upset and endanger themselves. Nehna, herself, is proof of such foolishness as a child. She may not have been told outright that Eludysia was her mother, but she quickly caught on; she was perceptive, even as a small child. Lenan was the same, no doubt, given the child the two of them created…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas recalled the large, looming figure of Lenan- a man who had seen much hard labor, yet was still light on his feet in spite of his bulk. Picturing someone as small and agile as Nehna, who possessed both grace and tact, coupling with someone like Lenan baffled him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Curiosity got the better of him, so he asked Arianaya what he would never ask Nehna, “How did Nehna and Lenan become bonded?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His question earned him a chuckle from Arianaya, “I’d hardly call it bonded now, but he was a much different person at that time. Less quick to anger. More tactful, and a quick mind- that was what drew Nehna to him. They would have conversations in that garden of hers that would last the entire night, where they would talk about anything and everything, ranging from political structures, philosophy, science- you name it. He won Nehna’s mind, and her heart quickly followed. It is inevitable when you connect with someone like that, I suppose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“After Hareas was born, he became more cynical and vengeful. They bickered on how best to pursue freedom- he favored violence as a form of justice. An eye for an eye. Nehna, on the other hand, preferred a more subtle approach- not necessarily counting out violence, but using it as a last resort. Win the minds of the free elves, she thought, and you’d gain a better advantage. Love, not hate, is what would ultimately win. A subtle approach to get free elves to see what was wrong with society, while running a smuggling network to get the enslaved to free land. And while Lenan agreed, they had differing views on what constituted love. His was a more upfront and confrontational take on the word. Beat it into the free elves, and make them see the truth through violence. Ultimately, that difference drew them apart, and he disappeared for some time, working in the mines to get away from it all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He chewed on this bit of information as the picture of the past became clearer to him. Pieces of the puzzle fell into place to allow him a glimpse at the life Nehna had prior to their first encounter, and it then made sense why she was patient with him. Lead people to their own understandings, and it will stick. Force it on them, and one would surely meet resistance. His presence in the room was testimony for that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, if I am following correctly, yesterday was their first encounter since he disappeared?” Solas asked, taking a sip of tea, grimacing at its taste. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You would be correct. All things given, it went much better than I anticipated,” Arianaya mused. “But don’t tell her I spoke of such things to you. She would have my hide.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Night was beginning to fall as Nehna opened her eyes and rubbed the sleep from them. Solas and Arianaya were still speaking in hushed whispers to each other, no doubt trying not to wake Nehna. A small smile crossed her lips, only to fall as she remembered why they were all there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hareas still was sleeping soundly in the crook of her arm. His complexion had significantly paled, and his breathing was more ragged than it had been. Heat radiated off of his body, and she felt stifled by it as she saw her own clothes soaked in sweat as a result.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long have I been out?” she asked, startling both Solas and Aria.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A few hours,” Aria replied. “We thought you could use the rest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He is absolutely roasting. I need to get him a wet towel or something…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna tried to get up, only to stop at a hand raised by Solas. “Allow me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before she could stop him, he was gone to fetch what she had requested, so she walked over to the table where Arianaya was seated. “Lenan should almost be here,” she stated, taking a bite of gruel left out for her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is about that time, yes. Will you be okay with it? I realize we haven’t spoken of it since you saw him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna shrugged, answering with a mouthful, “I have to be. He is his son as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Speak and he shall appear…” Arianaya whispered as Lenan entered the room with flowers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are those from my garden?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A blush rose to his pale cheeks as he sheepishly shrugged, “You had brought him flowers, and they needed refreshing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He strolled over to the bedside table and replaced Nehna’s flowers with his, and as much as Nehna wanted to yell at him, this was hardly the time. It could wait. “He hasn’t improved, has he?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck as he looked down at his son, hoping his own blue eyes would look back up at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Nehna replied, “He hasn’t. He was conscious for a bit, but he fell asleep again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were here all day? What about your work?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I made arrangements.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes, I forgot you were Dirthamen’s pet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To prevent Nehna from hitting further below the belt, Arianaya stopped the argument before it could progress and tarnish the peaceful atmosphere she had worked so hard to create. “Enough. I will not have that talk in the infirmary. You two wish to fight, take it outside.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was said in a way that she might as well have been discussing the weather. There was no raise of voice, just smooth and quiet, and Nehna was reminded why she always admired Arianaya: she always kept her cool. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As much as she wished to rip into Lenan, Aria was right. This was not the time or place for such conversations. So, Nehna offered up a peace offering of tea and stale cakes leftover from the free elves’ party the other night. “I did tell him the story of how he was born.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lenan took the tea and cake with a nod of gratitude and allowed a smile to form. “Oh yeah? The one about Irmorisenatha and the spirit of Courage?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That exact one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas arrived back with clean water and fresh towels, moving to tend to Hareas. “Hello again, Lenan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He only received a grunt in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sehlon followed shortly after, bringing with him more dinner for all of them, as well as the homemade wine Nehna and Aria had been working on for a week. “I thought we could all use some of this,” he said in a cheery tone, hoping to lighten the load of Nehna and Lenan, who had the most to lose out of the situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna gave the old man a kiss on the cheek before hugging him. “You are truly the best among us, Hahren.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense, my dear girl. We are all equals here, are we not? They may try to tell us otherwise, but never believe it for a second.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nehna grimaced as he ruffled her hair, but she couldn’t complain. Wherever Sehlon went, he brought an air of ease with him. So, even as he tussled her hair, she accepted it and saw it as a sign of affection, choosing not to get frustrated over a bit of messy hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sehlon poured everyone a drink before settling into a chair. “A toast to love and friendship that bring us together every day in the face of certain death,” he said, raising his own glass, “and a toast to that young boy over there that has brought much light into this world, just as his parents have done.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone except for Nehna, who was already downing her drink and moving for seconds, called out, “Here, here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A retching sound silenced their merriness. Stillness fell over the entire room as Hareas sat up, vomiting blood and bile before coughing. Just as quickly as moments of peace had found them, the reality and graveness of the situation came flooding back in. Nehna tossed her glass to the ground and sprang into action, grabbing a damp clean cloth to dab at Hareas’s head as Lenan followed close behind with another to clean up the vomit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Honey, I am here, I have you,” Nehna cooed, rubbing the boy’s back in an attempt to get the coughing to slow. “Aria, please, what do I do?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could already see the tears forming in Arianaya’s eyes as she rushed over with salves to ease the pain and open the airways. It was a last resort- Nehna knew that much when the wheezing began and Hareas’s body began to seize. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Solas pried Nehna away from Hareas. “I apologize, but I need the space to work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded, trying her best not to cry as she clung to Lenan and watched Solas and Aria work to stabilize Hareas- or at the very least, ease his pain. Again, the minutes felt like hours until both Solas and Aria looked at Nehna and shook their heads.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nehna… Lenan... I’m so, so sorry,” Arianaya began, but couldn’t continue as she began to cry, so Solas continued for her, “I can help to ease his suffering with magic and salve, but his life is fading quickly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She heard what he said, but it felt faint behind her heart beating in her ears. She nodded, and watched as Solas drew from his mana and cast a spell that stopped the seizing and wheezing. He stepped aside to allow Nehna and Lenan their chance to say goodbye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The infirmary fell silent, save for the sound of Nehna whispering to Hareas, who stared at an unseen horizon of light as Nehna ran her fingers through his hair as she reassured him it would be alright. He held the stuffed wolf close and curled even closer into Nehna’s embrace, no longer aware of the pain contact caused. Nehna bit her bottom lip to keep herself composed- no child should see their parents cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sehlon quietly ushered those that looked on in interest out of the room to give Nehna, Hareas, and Lenan their privacy. The only others that remained were Solas and Arianaya, who knew what was fast approaching. Spirits lingered in the threshold to witness the passing events, forever marking it in the Fade. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His body went limp, and both Lenan and Nehna allowed themselves to breathe. The watching and waiting was over, and they could allow their shoulders and faces to slump. “This is all my fault,” Nehna whispered as she pulled Hareas’s body into a tight embrace, rocking back and forth to keep herself tethered to reality as she felt it begin to slip away. Lenan joined the embrace, taking hold of her hands only for her to snatch them away as she collapsed over the body, crying silently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Contrary to what Sehlon had said about parents losing their child, there was no screaming. No cries that could shatter a cold and bitter heart. Rather, there was silence that was only broken with sniffling- neither Nehna nor Lenan could bring themselves to outwardly show that much pain. Pride was a funny thing, and it caused both of them to curl inwardly as tears fell silently down their cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The silence was interrupted as Lenan regained his sense of being. He abruptly pulled away from Hareas’s body, lunging at Solas and taking him by the neck as he threatened, “what did you do to my son? You did this-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lenan, knock it off!” Nehna cried as he tightened his grip around Solas’s throat. Solas remained calm, not seeming to care about the hand wrapped trachea. Nehna stepped forward and drew from within, causing an air bubble that suffocated Lenan. “Let him go, or I will be forced to use harsher measures,” she warned. She paid no mind to whether or not Solas could defend himself- she knew he was more than capable of doing so, but Lenan was her problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lenan hesitated for a moment, and then released his grip before storming out. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was possibly one of the hardest chapters for me to write. It absolutely broke my heart, and I had to take a few days of writing fluff to get back to my regular self. </p><p> </p><p>Anyways, if you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading! It means a lot to mean! Please, let me know what you think! Leave a comment below, and if you would like, you can follow me on tumblr under ohmypawsandwhiskers.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nehna deals with the fallout of losing Hareas be avoiding everyone and burying herself in both work and alcohol. Solas sets out to bring Nehna back to the people that care about her.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Since the night Hareas died, Nehna withdrew into herself, barely eating and hardly sleeping- she couldn’t face the images that haunted her dreams. Hareas’s face in those last moments… it was too much to handle if she wanted to continue her work without consequences. The enslaved were allowed little to no time to grieve.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was thankful for the work, if she were honest with herself. It kept her mind and hands busy and limited her contact with others. While she was certain Arianaya, Solas, and even Lenan, for that matter, were worried about her, she hid. It was better to ignore the suffering. If she saw their faces- well, Nehna knew the wall that held her darkest emotions restrained would come crumbling down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So where the void sat deep in her chest, so too did the things she sought comfort in: drinking and flowers. The time spent alone was time tending to her plants- always with a flask in hand. As soon as a thought she deemed as “bad” sprang up, she took a sip, and continued her work. Even when the work was done, she would tend to the littlest things, pruning shrubs to perfection, ensuring all the bugs were in their proper places to aid in the growing process. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>On the fourth night that no one had seen or heard from her, Solas took it upon himself to check in on her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The air became chill as the front rolled in. Leaves rustled, some falling in the bustle of it all. Nehna sat beneath the pride of her garden, picking away at the red jewels of the pomegranate that rested in her left hand. Her hands were covered with dirt and juice that resembled blood, but she apparently paid that no mind. They all came from the dirt, she would say, just like the fruit, plants and trees to which she tended. The blood- no. Solas was certain Nehna didn’t want to think of it. Her mind was probably too uneasy, distracted by the events that had transpired.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas looked on as he wondered if she even picked up on the quicksilver that flashed against the dark sky. He hesitated before starting towards her, not bothered by the dampness his hair would inevitably collect, but rather because he was unsure of the enigma that sat underneath that oak tree and stared absentmindedly at her stained hands.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You will catch your death if you linger here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The words seemed to fall upon deaf ears as Nehna made no move to recognize him. Instead, she became fixated at the dirt on her hands and began scrubbing them, using the rain to wash away the evidence of what she’d just done. The soil fell away, too, dripping back to the earth it came from.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sound of sloshing footsteps cut across the sound of rain before they stopped. He stood at her feet, looking down upon the despondent woman.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You are of no use to anyone if you become bed-ridden.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s all that matters, right? My use?” Her hands were clean, and yet, she kept scrubbing them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once again, he was careless with his words- something that seemed to only occur when she was near. That which he prided himself on caused him to stumble in her presence. He was forced to deal with the unspoken implications of his words. Implications he would’ve never considered were it not for her. Her quick tongue cut through any air of superiority he unwittingly carried until he was just as it should be: her equal.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know that’s not what I meant, Nehna.” He slid off his dark blue cloak and wrapped it around her shoulders as he sat down beside her, paying no mind to the dampness of the ground beneath them, which would have normally irritated him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As if she was refusing to meet his gaze, she continued to pick at the empty shell of the fruit. He watched as she struggled to hold back most of her tears.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t we go inside. I have a fire going, and you can warm up inside while you process everything.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it my fault?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The words themselves cracked louder than the rolling thunder that shook the world around them. Nehna tossed the empty remains of the fruit before she ruffled through her sack, pulling out a flagon of wine and taking a hearty swig from it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m failing to see how you could come to that conclusion,” Solas mused as he wrestled the flagon from her grasp. “Though I can’t imagine this is helping.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He was just a kid, Solas!” Glistening amber eyes finally met his own. “I got him involved in this mess. That damn kid,“ She snatched back the flagon and took another drink in a familiar attempt to stifle her emotions. “He wouldn’t stop pestering me. He wanted to be involved and stand up for what was right. I suppose he did, and paid the price....”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas remained silent, watching the woman unravel right in front of him for the first time. For once, there were no walls; no bristles or sharp edges- just the fraying of spirit and the wavering of resolve. For once, there were no words he could summon. All he could do was erect a barrier between them and the pouring rain as it became more apparent Nehna wasn’t leaving until she resolved that with which her mind was wrestling.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, what was I supposed to do? He would’ve tried to help, regardless of whatever I said.” She wiped her wine-stained lips on the green velvet sleeve of her dress. “Hareas was practically my shadow! Anything I did, he copied. It was pointless telling him no, but I was supposed to look out for him!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There is no point in blaming yourself for his death, Nehna. You’ve seen how children are treated- you opened my eyes to that reality. At least he had a choice in his death. Better he died fighting for what is right than in some experiment gone wrong-“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas caught Nehna’s wrist before her palm could find its target. Anger shone through the tears in her eyes as she seemed to search his face for any sign of emotion, and as always, he remained stoic, which would add to her frustration. He knew her too well at this point. The satisfaction of lashing out was denied, once more forcing her to process her emotions by facing them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No kid should be sacrificed, regardless of the circumstances! I refuse to stoop to </span>
  <em>
    <span>their</span>
  </em>
  <span> level. We are better than that!“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No one is saying they should be. Calm yourself-“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do not tell me to calm myself! What am I without my rage?” She jumped to her feet and let his cloak fall into the mud. “My rage is what keeps me going. You don’t know this kind of fire. From your crystal tower, you look on. You may stand with us, but you will never know this pain. So, don’t tell me to calm down. Don’t tell me these things happen as if it’s supposed to comfort me. That’s the very problem!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Keep your voice down, Nehna. They’ll hear you, and then what?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Booming thunder drowned out her laughter.  “There you go again, Solas! Stop trying to tell me how to react!“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not.“</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you are! You’re telling me to be calm and still myself, and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>do that. I won’t. Without my rage, I’m afraid I’ll disappear. I’m afraid no one will remember Hareas. That he’ll become just another boy lost to the shadow of this damn empire. I carry each and every single person we’ve lost in my heart, because who else will hold them? Make room for them? </span>
  <em>
    <span>You?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She scoffed. “You’ve probably already forgotten his face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fenedhis</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Solas, you’ve probably forgotten what you had to eat this morning, not having to worry about whether or not you’ll be fed. It’s easy to tell me to calm down when you aren’t haunted by every face you’ve failed to save. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> can choose between helping and blissful ignorance.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas remained where he was, unmoved and seemingly unshaken by her words. He sat there, patiently listening and waiting for her to run out of steam. It would unnerve her. He was fully aware that he hurled words and feelings at him with the intent to cut him- to get him to feel the same pain. Instead of arguing with her, coming up with snide remarks to counter her points, he sat there quietly with his hands clasped in his lap.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What he hid from Nehna, however, was the storm raging inside of his heart. He had no quick counters to her jabs because she was right. Here was this woman, haunted and heavy with the ghosts of those that sacrificed themselves for their cause, baring her soul to him for the first time only to be met with what was essentially a brushing off of her emotions. He failed to recall Hareas’s face. The child</span>
  <em>
    <span> had </span>
  </em>
  <span>become just a symbol, a faceless body covered in blood.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You had said you wanted to know what was on my mind? That I needn’t carry these secrets alone? Well, there you have it, and yet you do nothing to ease this pain, Solas. What did you think would happen? That these would be easy secrets, ones that could be logically examined and dissected from their respective emotions? Not all of us have that luxury, because everything that happens is personal. It’s inextricable from emotion, and I won’t be made to feel as though it's a flaw.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The strain in her voice commanded him to his feet. The tears, now falling freely, compelled him to wrap her in his arms, and for once, there was no struggle. Her arms snaked around his waist as she collapsed into him, sobbing and clinging on to him as though he were the only thing keeping her tied to the earth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Pain, to Solas, was a funny thing; one that holds two contrasting abilities. It can bring people together or push apart. Some find pain too uncomfortable to bear witness to as it forces them to confront one of the ugly truths of life. For others, it is a chance to recognize a commonality- the strength to keep pressing on that says, ‘I may not understand your situation, but I understand your feelings,’ and that was where Solas found himself. At the next flash of lightning, he ran his fingers through tangled, wet ringlets as he held her. For once, there was no fighting, no resistance. The ego subsided to allow for stillness and acceptance.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry to have,“ Solas began to whisper, only to be cut off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh, don’t ruin it,” she teased. A small bit of laughter surfaced amongst the tears. “Let us stay here just a bit longer before you go putting your foot in your mouth again.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed there under the barrier that kept the rain off of them as Solas rubbed circles on Nehna’s back as she allowed herself to grieve again. All of the tears she was holding back, it seemed, came pouring out as she clutched him tighter- as though she were afraid she lacked the strength to stand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the tears subsided, she pulled away and muttered a “thank you” as she wiped the remaining tears away on her sleeve.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come now, Nehna. Arianaya has informed me you have not eaten much as of late. Let us get you some food, and I will show you what I have been working on.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded and allowed herself to be guided inside, away from the storm that bore down on the palace. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He led her into the kitchen, where Arianaya was finishing up cooking. “Glad you could join us, Nehna. We have missed you!” she cooed over her shoulder, scooping out the stew that had been sitting for hours, marinating in the juices of the meat trimmings they were tossed out of courtesy. “Myself and Lenan were worried we had lost you for good…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas felt Nehna tense up at the mention of Lenan. He helped her into a chair, seeing as she had too much to drink based on the way she swayed back and forth as she deliberated on which seat to take. She turned around, as if to have a go at him, but as soon as those amber eyes fell on his face, they softened as she smiled. All arguments faded away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just… I think I just needed some time to process. The way people would look at me as I passed them by- like I was some injured pup wandering around aimlessly… I, well, you know me, Aria. I never enjoy being pitied.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas went to help Arianaya finish cooking. “I know, Nehna,” Arianaya said. “Just give us a heads up next time you feel like disappearing for a bit, won’t you? There are still people that care for you, you know? You don’t have to mourn alone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Those words hit Nehna square in the chest as the realization hit her. She was always one to preach about standing and working together- that no being was meant to live alone, regardless of status, and yet, she always carried the load alone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Aria- she had always been there for Nehna, even in the times Nehna was stubborn and foolish, she was there to help put Nehna back together. After Lenan left without a word, leaving her to face the world alone, Arianaya was there to help her stay focused on her mission and to help look after Hareas. Sure, the rest of the enslaved helped raise Hareas, as they did with all children, but Ariayana took the time to help guide him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sehlon, the gentle leader that he was, reminded her to keep her empathy, because ultimately it was their humanity that would help them win their battle towards freedom. He was wisdom, he was humor, and he was hope. Subtle always in his approach, but always a constant presence in her life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lenan, while he did leave and return as if nothing had passed between them, was who she considered to be her match. They may differ on their approach to rebelling, but at the end of the day, they had a connection that brought a child into the world. His passion inspired her- his mind was as fiery as a night before a revolution, and it excited her back in the day. Now, she was wise enough not to fall into such a trap, but their past connection would always mean she could rely on him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And lastly, there was Solas. The last person she ever expected to include in her list of people she could look to for help. Show the cracks in her foundation without fear of rejection. He may be prideful in some ways, but he always sought to understand that which seemed beyond comprehension for him. Hell, the amount of times he was the target of her flaring temper, and yet he still stuck around to cajole her back into herself when that was the absolute last thing she wanted- he was full of surprises, and Nehna couldn’t help but feel proud she had gained his friendship. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As she pondered this, the food was brought to the table, and both Arianaya and Solas took their seats at either side of her, waiting for her to take the first bite out of respect. The movements felt foreign, bringing the spoon of grool up to her lips, blowing on it to cool it off before taking a sip of the mixture. Even the taste was unfamiliar, despite it being a common dinner for the enslaved to eat- and yet, she continued to eat, knowing it would be better to eat than to not do so.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am surprised you are bringing yourself to each such a thing,” Nehna remarked to Solas, trying to distract herself from where her mind wanted to wander. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He grimaced as he tasted the food and then offered up a kind smile before responding, “It would be rude of me not to, Nehna.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The room filled with silence once more as the trio ate their meals. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All three of them felt the air change before another presence entered the room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Solas, my dear friend, I did not expect to find you here,” the cool voice cut through the air, causing the hairs on the back of Nehna’s neck to stand up. Dirthamen leaned against the threshold to the kitchen, a smile painted falsely on his lips. “I mean, after the Council, I thought whatever may be developing between you and my Champion had fizzled out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Both Arianaya and Nehna shot to their feet, bowing out of respect, as Solas remained seated, taking another bite of his food, chewing on a response. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas leaned back in his chair, smirking as he shook his head. The mask Nehna had not seen in a while, she realized, was back on full display. “On the contrary. Nehna is a delightful woman, as is Arianaya here. My outburst back at the Council was merely prompted by a desire to keep such privileged information privy to those deemed important enough.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Had they been on less familiar terms, Nehna would have bristled at such a comment. Now, she recognized it as another aspect of the game- one which was key to their success. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My lord, what brings you down here tonight?” Nehna asked, seizing the lull in conversation before anything else could continue. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dirthamen’s smile fell to a smirk as he held up a velvet bag for Nehna to retrieve. “I heard of Hareas’s passing and took the liberty of bringing his body to my brother, who, in turn, wished me to return the bones to you to do with as you please.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The bag dangled between his thumb and forefinger, spinning in the air, as if to taunt Nehna. She closed the distance between them and reached out to take the bag, only to have it held out of reach. “I trust you understand I do not bring this out of the kindness of my own heart…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna stared down at her feet, afraid that if she stared him down, she would lose her temper. “Of course, Sir.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He cupped her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. “Do you need a lesson in how to speak to people, my dear? It is deemed rude to avoid eye contact.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Sir. My apologies. I have forgotten myself, and it will not happen again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“See to it that it does not, Nehna. It would be a shame should you find yourself in a similar position with someone far less forgiving than I.” With that, Dirthamen dropped the bag to the ground and left as Nehna’s fists clenched.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as he was out of earshot, Nehna forced herself to let go of the tension she held in her shoulders. Crouching to her knees, she picked up the bag of bones Dirthamen had brought her and cradled the bag in her hands, brushing off the dirt from the floor. To drop such a precious thing- it was a slap in the face she would ensure was paid in full, when the moment was right. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was lucky. Most of the enslaved never had the chance to retrieve the bones once the body was taken away to Falon’Din’s domain. It was something she was grateful for, and yet, she feared whatever Dirthamen was planning. To give her something extra out of their previous deal? He was planning something in which he would need her help, and the thought of that alone sent a chill down her spine. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nehna, are you alright?” Arianaya’s voice grounded her, even if she flinched at the soft touch on her shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna rose back to her feet and nodded, looking over her shoulder as she said, “I’m fine. Just lost in thought, is all.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She returned to the table, pushing away all thoughts of the future as she wanted to steer the focus of their conversation back to its original purpose. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Solas, you mentioned you were working on something?” Nehna continued as she took a bite of the stew, allowing the food to warm her after being stuck out in the rain. The bones of Hareas rested on her lap. Perhaps his spirit lingered. Maybe he was listening and watching on from beyond the Fade. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas sat upright with a smile plastered on his face, and for the first time, she saw he was truly excited over something. “Yes, there are in fact two things I would like to discuss.” Solas paused, letting them hang on every word he said. “The first, and quite possibly most important part to ensuring your freedom is managing the effects of the vallaslin. I believe I have worked out how Dirthamen managed to grant you partial access to the Fade from which all magic derives. I have been in consultation with Study, and they have proven most helpful in this, as they recorded the very process Dirthamen himself used. It needs some work, but I believe we can completely negate all of the effects of the vallaslin, including that which binds you to the Evanuris’s control. It is that which would be key to ensuring your freedom. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The second piece of news I have to share is in tangent with the first- after all, once that first goal is achieved, we will need to find a suitable sanctuary, would we not?” He wasted no time in waiting for either Nehna or Arianaya to respond. “I have managed to work out an abandoned location that lays just outside the Evanuris’s reach. It is located to the south, right on the border of Anaris’s lands. I have begun negotiations with Anaris himself to make use of the fortress, and before either of you begin to fret, I have only divulged my intentions to use it for my own purposes. He knows not that the enslaved wish to rebel, and therefore you will remain shrouded in secrecy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How did you find time for all of this?” Nehna asked, resting her chin on her hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Even in sleep I remain awake and active,” he replied, smiling over her cup of wine. “It would serve you well to learn such techniques.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya, sensing Nehna bristling at his words, stepped in to thank him. “Solas, that truly is incredible, and we are eternally grateful for the</span>
  <span> aid you provide. How soon can we expect to move?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It is still difficult to say, but I trust I will have it worked out soon enough.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Flames sparkled and danced against the dark night, keeping away the nightly freeze fall brought with it as the enslaved gathered around the growing fire, offering to it things belonging to those they had lost that week. Bonfires were becoming a regular occurrence, and while bones would be tossed in, many lacked that bit of closure- their loved ones disappearing in the night, kidnapped to be horrible experiments of Ghilan’nain.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Alerion never hurt anyone… He was a gentle spirit, content with working away in the guild, building weapons. Why they decided to snatch him, I will never understand. He is not a fighter. Why would they want to use him in experiments?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Those that gathered gave their accounts of the ones they had lost, tossing in personal effects to serve in place of bones they would never reclaim. Wind whipped all around them, carrying the flames as high as the ramparts above them as snow fell silently around them, only to melt upon contact with the ground. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The tales, while varied, told the same story this time around. Loved ones were all taken in the night, without so much as a word of goodbye. No one, not even Nehna, knew where they were being taken to- whether they were experimented upon or sent out as bait for the Titan. Either way, they were never seen from again, leaving everyone to mourn an invisible presence, regardless of whether or not they were dead. They would be soon enough, and that fate weighed on those that gathered around the fire. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna, cradling a bottle of brandy, stood on the fringes of the crowd, clutching the bag of bones delivered back to her. Lenan kept by her side, taking part in the brandy to drown the sorrow he carried and the rage he wished to unleash upon the free elves in response to losing his son. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Danyla enjoyed simple pleasures. She was as skillful with her hands as she was with her tongue. She could make even the hardest of hearts melt with her kind words. She was not a fighter, so why on earth would they feel the need to take her? It just is not right, is it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Those that were able to speak carried on with their eulogies, offering them to the fire in hopes that the lost spirits could rest easily, knowing they would be remembered. If Falon’Din wasn’t able to carry them across, maybe the fire would bring their spirits home to rest. They would no longer need to worry about the physical world. Maybe, they could bring comfort to those that survived them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the last person finished their speech, Lenan and Nehna were beckoned forth to give their offerings to the fire and say a few words. On unsteady legs, Nehna moved forward, leaving Lenan where he stood, finding himself unable to move for fear of collapsing. So once again, Nehna found herself facing life on her own and remembering why it never worked out between them. He was a coward at the end of the day, despite his rage and fury, and that was the one trait, above all else, she couldn’t stomach. It was one thing to want to fight, but one must be able to face the fallout of their actions, and Lenan would never be that person. He would ignite the fire of revolution and leave others to deal with the aftermath.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Inhale. Exhale.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hareas was a sweet boy- stubborn, but he had a heart of gold and a love for life. He questioned things, as children are often wont to do, but the questions he asked showed a maturity one his age rarely possessed. He enjoyed the simple things in life. He would help me out in the gardens because he loved to see life bloom where it often struggled to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Towards the end, he became more rebellious- a normal occurrence as one grows older, although I am certain I had a part to play in that. I would be foolish not to recognize that. We are told not to recognize familial ties, but no matter how we try to cut off and suppress such connections, they remain buried in our subconscious. It was true for Eludysia. It was true for Hareas. It is true for me. I feel each of their losses in the depths of my soul. As I stayed with Hareas and his life started to wane, I found myself entertaining foolish ideas out of desperation to keep our connection alive… And for the first time, I prayed to a god I didn’t even believe in-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna paused at the touch to her shoulder, as Sehlon offered his support to get her through this. Behind him stood Solas, who nodded to her to continue. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought that maybe- just maybe- the unexpected could happen. Maybe, just maybe, they had yet to abandon us. If I could just cry out loud enough- give enough of myself as tribute, maybe they would respond. Of course, no one answered. They never do… So life does what it does and offered mercy to Hareas I could not. It was one he took bravely, and that is something I find comfort in. It is something I will carry with me and use to renew my resolve to fight, so that no other parent goes through this kind of loss. And, well, that is all I guess I have to say.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She kicked the dirt on the ground as though she were kicking away the desire to hold onto those bones. She could not hold on to what was no longer there. She would not become a shell of a person as so many that held onto the past did. And so she tossed the bones and turned her back to the fire, sipping out of the bottle to drown those feelings that were too difficult to deal with in public. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arianaya wrapped her arms around Nehna, drawing her into an embrace as she cried. Nehna remained stone still, looking up at the stars as if searching for a meaning. She was grateful she at least had the privilege of burning the remains of Hareas so that he wouldn’t haunt her in the future, it was hard to reconcile that gap she felt in her chest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You did a good job,” Arianaya whispered to her and passed her a flask of homemade wine to replace the brandy that finished. “I have a feeling you need this”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna tried to crack a smile, only for it to fall flat. She could no longer hide the sorrow she felt, and so she grabbed the flask and raised it up to Ariananya, Solas, and Lenan, who hung around them after being away for so long and knowing no one that gathered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the sweet, burning liquid travelled down her throat, she found herself compelled to sing a song passed along through generations. The one her mother had sung, and so she would lead the crowd in the refrain in hopes it might be heard as a song of rebelling. Of remembrance. They would not back down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Sugarman don’t leave me here/ Cotton balls to choke me…” Lenan wrapped an arm around Nehna’s shoulder and continued to sing with her, just as Arianaya and Sehlon joined in, “Sugarman don’t leave me here/ Buckra’s arms to yoke me…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Just as the flames rose higher into the night, lifting up those lost spirits so they might find their way back home, so too did the rest of the crowd join in their solemn farewell song. “Sugarman done fly away/ Sugarman done gone? Sugarman cut across the sky/ Sugarman gone home.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas was the only one who didn’t know the song, and yet, he found himself swept up in the harmony of it all. Using the strength and mana he had, he called forth magic that reflected upon the night sky, dancing in ribbons in remembrance of those they had lost. Those spirits that followed him joined in the movement, spurred on by the emotional ceremony itself, and soon the colors began to wrap around the group as if to gather them in a comforting embrace as the moment became forever imprinted on the fade. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the refrain ended, so too did the dance of light, no longer having a beat to dance to. Snow fell once more, no longer being hindered by the entities that gathered to both celebrate and mourn the lives that passed into the Fade. The fire, in its own solitary way, continued its lone dance to provide any comfort it could to those that surrounded it and offered their belongings to the licking of the flames. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lenan was the first to remove his arm from the linked embrace, a blush forming on his cheeks at the nearness of Nehna, who paid no mind to the man and instead stared up at the night sky in all of its splendor, imagining, just for a moment, that Hareas was back in his guiding star. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You are much stronger than I could ever be,” Lenan murmured, taking the bottle of brandy from Nehna, drinking it and savoring its bittersweet taste. “Always have been…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At the admission, Nehna took her eyes off the night sky to rest on the man she once knew. While age hardly marked the elves, even those that found themselves cut off from the Fade, the passage of time left its mark on his face. His beard showed the first signs of grey. Time spent in the sun, doing hard labor day in and day out produced wrinkles- not too many as of yet, but just at the corners of his eyes and his brow, which retained a permanent crease, even as the rest of his features relaxed as the alcohol continued to flow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We all have our different strengths, Lenan,” she reminded him. He may be a coward, but it would be wrong to write him off entirely. Not a lie was uttered from her lips. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He gave her a small, sad smile and took her hands in his, “Despite it all, you still see the good in people. It is commendable, but I would advise you to be cautious. It is such a trait that people will try to exploit for their own gain.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna glanced over his shoulder to see Solas watching, his own curiosity peaked. She sensed there were things Lenan wished to discuss; things that others should not hear. It was a conversation meant to clear the air between them, having never done so since Lenan’s disappearance all those years ago. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, she gave Lenan a soft smile and said, “Why don’t we take a walk? We can talk away from everyone.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With that, the pair momentarily took their leave of the bonfire and wandered off in the direction of the large oak tree that remained just out of earshot.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She took her usual seat under the shelter of the tree and motioned for him to take a seat beside her. Following her lead, he did as instructed and offered out the flask of wine they had been sharing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna took it, muttering a thanks as she did so before continuing, “Is everything alright, Lenan?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He seemed to refuse to look at her, opting to stare at the flames that could still be seen from their position. “We lost our son, Nehna. I am about as good as could be possible- which is to say not at all.” Tears glistened in his eyes, but she knew he would never let them fall. He would beat his heart until it became numb to pain once more. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You are not alone in that, I can assure you. We find ourselves in the very same position many others are in. You know as well as I do that this is commonplace for people like us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, well it should not be so-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am not saying that’s the way it should be. It is why we are planning to rebel- or, at least one of the reasons. It is not as though we are taking this loss lying down?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We should be out there spilling their blood- even out the losses. Every day we wait, more of us are slaughtered, Nehna. For fuck’s sake, they killed our son, Nehna. How are you not up in arms?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna chewed at her bottom lip as she laced her hands together, trying not to lose patience with him. “I am not up in arms, because there are plans already in motion. I cannot draw attention to myself any more than I already am, Lenan. Revolution is a delicate process-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Revolution is action! We should be revolting as we speak, but instead we mourn and drink around the fire-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“As is our custom to honor those that have passed. Would you deny closure to these people, Lenan? We cannot forsake our own ways of life for some half-cocked plan you have that would lead many of us to our deaths. We are trying to save as many as we can, and soon enough, we will be free. I have made arrangements, Lenan. We need not shed unnecessary blood. And if that is all you had to say to me, I have heard enough. This is neither the time nor the place for such discussions.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The finality in her words caused Lenan to pause for a moment to chew on his words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened to us?” It was barely audible, and Nehna wasn’t sure she heard correctly until he followed up, “We used to be so close- close enough to bring a child into this world, despite knowing the dangers. We were inseparable, and now, it is as though we cannot help but fight each other.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was a question that no longer crossed her mind. The years since he had left quieted all the heartache and replaced it with a hardened heart. “You looked for reasons to leave, Lenan. You fought everyone and everything, regardless of whose side they were on. When you finally found that reason, you left, not caring about those you abandoned. Hell, you left Hareas on his own. I raised him, not you. You let your selfishness and your pride drive you away.” She said this with no malice. It had just been a matter of fact at this point, and Lenan seemed to be the last to know. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When you left, you left my heart in pieces that only I could put back together, and that was partially my fault- I will own up to that. No one should put their entire being- their entire reason and identity in another. I loved you too fully that I forgot who I was entirely when you left. You took who I was with you, and I was left with nothing. So you ask what happened to us? I loved too much and far too naively, and you took that for granted. No longer will that be the case. So excuse me if I’m no longer fawning over you as I once did, Lenan, but I am no longer that starry-eyed girl you once knew. I have a mind of my own, and a heart that will only belong to me, seeing as Hareas is no longer here, and it will remain that way. You can either accept that and move on, as I have, or you can continue to dwell in the past or in what could have been, but I will advise you to join here in the present. It will save you much pain that way.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She passed the bottle back to Lenan, and a twinge of guilt tugged at her heart seeing his face so sullen. “You will always mean much to me, Lenan, but what’s done is done.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His lips twitched, but no smile was produced. Lenan took the bottle and took a hearty swig from it, as though he were drowning out the words he wished he could say. He knew better.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose you are right,” he muttered. “I was a coward back then, and to think things could pick up where they left off was quite foolish of me, wasn’t it?” She expected no apology from him, for there was none to give. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna laughed and nudged him in the ribs, “It certainly wasn’t one of your better ideas. It was quite uncharacteristic of you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A smile, while it was small, finally drew across his lips. “The heart causes one to think such foolish thoughts, does it not?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“To an extent, my friend,” Nehna said, taking back the bottle for another sip. “The heart also creates strong convictions and desires, which are vital towards living a life well lived. It is through that desire to be free that it will come to fruition.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lenan rose to his feet and offered out a hand, which Nehna graciously took. “Your determination is admirable, Nehna. If anyone can successfully lead a rebellion, you can. I may not agree with how you intend to go about it, but I will offer whatever support you need. It is my hope that it will make up for the pain I have caused.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna patted him on the cheek, “Don’t get all sentimental on me now. Do I have to cut off the drinks?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head, chuckling as he stumbled. “There is no need, I am heading off to bed.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nehna brought him into a quick embrace before letting him go once more. “May you find peace in your dreams.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With that, he was gone, disappearing into the darkness behind the tree. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not wanting to be alone with her sadness, Nehna rejoined the group around the fire, swaying to the tune of the song being sung. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi everyone! Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think in the comments below! They really help with the motivation to write! I'm excited with where this story is going. It has evolved so much from when I first started writing it, and it has become one of my favorite things to work on during this rough time.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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